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khaoz
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25 Sep 2014, 1:56 am

My 3 sisters and mother, all living under poverty line. One sister and her husband both have jobs, but they are so inept at money management that they us their bank as a "payday lender". Every payday they are paying bank back for what they borrowed from themselves the week before. They make plenty of money to live, but the cannot get past this notion that every free, non-working moment needs to be spent doing something away from home, almost always at casino 70 miles away. Gas plus casino losses plus food...It just frustrates me no end. Other sisters and mom...as soon as they get money in their hands its off to casino. Everyone of them know they are addicted, but they all hide behind the "fun" word. No discipline, no understanding of priorities.. Every one of them tell me they are not going to do it again, just before they do it again. Every one of then know they cannot afford this, yet it persists. It just makes me so tired and sad to watch them on this yoyo. and not be able to help them in any way.



Jacoby
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26 Sep 2014, 1:15 pm

khaoz wrote:
My 3 sisters and mother, all living under poverty line. One sister and her husband both have jobs, but they are so inept at money management that they us their bank as a "payday lender". Every payday they are paying bank back for what they borrowed from themselves the week before. They make plenty of money to live, but the cannot get past this notion that every free, non-working moment needs to be spent doing something away from home, almost always at casino 70 miles away. Gas plus casino losses plus food...It just frustrates me no end. Other sisters and mom...as soon as they get money in their hands its off to casino. Everyone of them know they are addicted, but they all hide behind the "fun" word. No discipline, no understanding of priorities.. Every one of them tell me they are not going to do it again, just before they do it again. Every one of then know they cannot afford this, yet it persists. It just makes me so tired and sad to watch them on this yoyo. and not be able to help them in any way.


I feel ya. My parents were awful managing their money, we lived much poorer than we were because of it. During most of my childhood my dad's main vice was drinking and he spent a good chunk of his pay in bars and on some level I get it whereas my mother just seemed forgetful and was unable to comprehend the concept of budgeting. What is really distressing here is that they're very anxious as I imagine most people are when it comes to money and yet still fall into same trap over and over again.

I guess I'm just not a very impulsive person when it comes to spending, it kills me to do it honestly so I always prioritize and try to think of ways to save. Casinos never had much of an appeal to me, I've been to a couple and your money disappears so quick and losing money to me is not fun in anyway.



pezar
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26 Sep 2014, 2:06 pm

Warren Buffett, one of the world's richest men, once called casinos and lotteries a "tax on stupidity". He has also talked about letters he gets asking for money, and how many people get in awful predicaments because they were never taught about money and finance, and how it works. So, people who are poor and who can't figure a way out "play the long shots", spending all their time at casinos in the hopes of "striking it rich", which they think will solve life's problems, problems caused by a lack of financial literacy. My parents never learned about money, and rely on credit cards. The good thing is, they don't gamble or drink/smoke (my mom is a Mormon). I had to teach myself financial literacy from books. The "gaming tax" is regressive, meaning it hits the poor hardest. Most people agree that taxing the poor heavily is a bad idea, but states do exactly that with casinos. The odds of winning the lotto are something like 1 in 160 million, while the odds of starting a successful business are 1 in 20,000. I don't get why the feds prefer casinos over businesses, since a casino jackpot is only taxed once, while a business is taxed quarterly, and if it has employees they are taxed yearly (income tax).



khaoz
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26 Sep 2014, 7:30 pm

One of my sisters, who is on disability for cardiac issues, got her disability check two days ago, paid her rent share and her few bills, put grocery money away and promptly spent six hour driving today to spend one hour in the casino and lose the rest of her money. Took my mother with her, who is on social security at 80yo and she lso waste $100 she could not afford to lose. They both, well all of them, give me this "oh but we just enjoy the atmosphere and getting away for awhile. None of them willing to admit to making irrational decisions. None of them capable of finding peace and calm in what they have in front of them at the moment. Always chasing and never willing to admit they are out of control. I just told them to please never mention the word "casino" in my presence again.



pezar
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26 Sep 2014, 7:56 pm

khaoz wrote:
One of my sisters, who is on disability for cardiac issues, got her disability check two days ago, paid her rent share and her few bills, put grocery money away and promptly spent six hour driving today to spend one hour in the casino and lose the rest of her money. Took my mother with her, who is on social security at 80yo and she lso waste $100 she could not afford to lose. They both, well all of them, give me this "oh but we just enjoy the atmosphere and getting away for awhile. None of them willing to admit to making irrational decisions. None of them capable of finding peace and calm in what they have in front of them at the moment. Always chasing and never willing to admit they are out of control. I just told them to please never mention the word "casino" in my presence again.


FWIW, I find casinos to be a nightmare for aspies. Loud ringing sounds and other loud sounds constantly, the lights and over the top decorations, etc. I know that these things are carefully researched to make people want to spend money, but to me it just seems stupid and overwhelming.

Of course, your sis will complain that she never has enough money for groceries, and come the week before her check you will find her at the food bank begging for a box of canned pasta and other junk food. Right?



Beau
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27 Sep 2014, 12:58 am

khaoz wrote:
They both, well all of them, give me this "oh but we just enjoy the atmosphere and getting away for awhile. None of them willing to admit to making irrational decisions. None of them capable of finding peace and calm in what they have in front of them at the moment. Always chasing and never willing to admit they are out of control. I just told them to please never mention the word "casino" in my presence again.


As much as you want to help them, you're pretty much wasting your effort. Like you said, their gambling has become an addiction, and their judgement is clouded. I'm guessing that they're trying to win back all the money that they've lost (chasing as you mentioned), but they'll end up in a deeper hole. It's rarely about the atmosphere and 'fun' for those who are addicted.

I remember reading that casinos, except for the lobby/entrance area, don't have windows, to help people lose track of time and keep on playing. Oh, and nowadays, some casinos are actually renting tour buses to pick up patrons at convenient locations, and giving each patron free credits to use towards the slots, and free food! What a way to lure people in.



pezar
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27 Sep 2014, 12:45 pm

Beau wrote:
khaoz wrote:
They both, well all of them, give me this "oh but we just enjoy the atmosphere and getting away for awhile. None of them willing to admit to making irrational decisions. None of them capable of finding peace and calm in what they have in front of them at the moment. Always chasing and never willing to admit they are out of control. I just told them to please never mention the word "casino" in my presence again.


As much as you want to help them, you're pretty much wasting your effort. Like you said, their gambling has become an addiction, and their judgement is clouded. I'm guessing that they're trying to win back all the money that they've lost (chasing as you mentioned), but they'll end up in a deeper hole. It's rarely about the atmosphere and 'fun' for those who are addicted.

I remember reading that casinos, except for the lobby/entrance area, don't have windows, to help people lose track of time and keep on playing. Oh, and nowadays, some casinos are actually renting tour buses to pick up patrons at convenient locations, and giving each patron free credits to use towards the slots, and free food! What a way to lure people in.


"Casino buses" are big business here in CA. The casinos own a few, but most of them are owned by small time entrepreneurs who pick up SE Asians and Chinese peoples and ship them to local tribal casinos so they can blow all their money.

As for khaoz's family, all he can do is let them be, if he's religious he can pray for them. Gambling addiction is weird, people lose a bunch of money, then try to "win it back", but they never do.