Feeling immense guilt for past things I've done / said

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andrethemoogle
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15 Nov 2014, 12:36 am

I always feel guilty for stupid things I've said in the past and done. It's nothing compared to what some people do, I just called people names in the past in video games, on older forums (I'm talking years and years ago, like the mid 2000s) and how I've wasted so much time on Warcraft when I could have been doing other stuff.

Does anyone else feel like they live in the past because of this? I constantly wish I could go back and change things, but it only makes me more upset that I'm getting older. Sorry for rambling, just in a very emotional state right now.



cathylynn
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15 Nov 2014, 12:48 am

i once confessed to a close friend that i'd done something horrible. he said, "you haven't killed 6 million jews, have you?" put in that perspective, it was easy to forgive myself. the purpose of guilt is to make us change for the better. if we have done that, it's time to remind ourselves that we need to let go of the guilt until we actually do let go.



unit_00
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15 Nov 2014, 1:20 am

i think it's better to feel some guilt than to not feel guilt at all. but it's hard to not go overboard and get paralyzed by wishful thinking. i have had this problem a lot a lot.

cathylynn had a good comment, especially "the purpose of guilt is to make us change for the better. if we have done that, it's time to remind ourselves that we need to let go of the guilt until we actually do let go."


holding onto the guilt and the past can really throw you into a rut. although it would be nice if we could go back and fix things in the past, try to think of these things as life lessons, even if it's only what NOT to do in the future. (cliche right? )don't be so caught up in your past mistakes that you freeze up and make them again. sorry, does any of this make sense? :lol: also sometimes framing it this way can help: if you had a good friend and they made those mistakes, would you be so hard on them? (this does not work for everything but usually we are harder on ourselves than others)

sorry, trying to make you feel better but i'm not sure how to word these thoughts very well or if any of this is even relevant enough! hope you feel better though



Transyl
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15 Nov 2014, 1:23 am

All the time. I have so many regrets with the people I love that it makes me question getting close to anyone.



quaker
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15 Nov 2014, 4:54 am

I work in the area counselling and I often tell people to reflect on the difference between appropriate guilt and inappropriate guilt.

What could be considered appropriate guilt, could be when we have transgressed our INNER moral convictions. Whereas, inappropriate guilt could be when we have transgressed OUTER / others moral convictions, rules etc.

Obviously some people don't have any moral underpinning, or perhaps it has been deeply hidden thorough years of systematic abuse and that's a totally different game completely. I'm happy to say I don't work too often with such people.

Guilt sure is a tricky snake. Often we mistake the rope (inappropriate guilt) for the snake (appropriate guilt) and sometimes it takes a herculean and skillful effort in oder to differentiate between the two.



slw1990
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16 Nov 2014, 12:48 am

I get that way too. I remember some hurtful and inappropriate things I said or did several years ago and still feel bad about it. A lot of it had to do with my emotions taking over, especially when I was a teenager.

There was also times where I didn't realize how bad I sounded until I got a reaction or if I thought about it for a while because I would word something in the wrong way and then it would sound different from what I really meant.



auntblabby
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16 Nov 2014, 2:42 am

one of the big reasons I became a hermit is because I knew I'd never be able to respond to people appropriately. so it is plainly better that I be isolated.



B19
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16 Nov 2014, 4:18 am

Let it go now. You have recognised and felt remorse for your former behaviour, and that is enough. You can move on, knowing that when you know better, you do better. And you know better now. If you still feel some remorse lingering around, and want to do something to make amends in a concrete kind of way, make a donation to a cause that promotes peace, goodwill and kindness in some form - an animal shelter maybe, if you are an animal lover.



CharityGoodyGrace
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19 Nov 2014, 10:59 am

There's a difference between remorse and guilt. Remorse is true feelings that you should have; guilt is when you feel that logically you should feel bad.

I didn't recognize that myself until very recently. Consequently, I was a perfectionist.



Matthaeus
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19 Nov 2014, 2:59 pm

I feel that from that time to time, usually long after I've said those "hurtful" words.



auntblabby
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19 Nov 2014, 3:45 pm

get into the habit of making your words soft and sweet, because one never knows when one will have to eat them.



auntblabby
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19 Nov 2014, 3:45 pm

get into the habit of making your words soft and sweet, because one never knows when one will have to eat them.



Matthaeus
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19 Nov 2014, 4:02 pm

But then feel like I'm too much of a nice guy. Which I'm not, haha.



Matthaeus
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19 Nov 2014, 4:02 pm

But then feel like I'm too much of a nice guy. Which I'm not, haha.



shortfatbalduglyman
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18 Apr 2017, 9:01 pm

yes, i get obsessed, on a daily basis, with wrong things someone else, or i, did. in the distant and recent past.

@ the time, many of those things seemed like a good idea.

@ this point, i don't want to drag around too much guilt.

to minimize the wrong things they do and the wrong things i do, i do not interact with anyone too much. :mrgreen:



auntblabby
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18 Apr 2017, 9:20 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
to minimize the wrong things they do and the wrong things i do, i do not interact with anyone too much. :mrgreen:

good idea, I do that also.