Why don't I do humanity a favor and just go kill myself?

Post Reply New Topic

Let's face it, I've got no future. I'm a burden to my family and friends. I have nothing to contribute. I have no talent, no potential. In this world, only the most ruthless and strong survive. Morality and altruism are for weaklings.

I've felt like this lots of times....but its not true only the most ruthless and strong survive...I am 25 and still here so must be something wrong with that line of thinking. Sure I got on disability(SSI)income, food stamps and medicaid and that's helping...but yeah don't feel I have any real talents or contribute that terribly much to the world, and it gets to me.

Chances are though you wouldn't be doing the world or yourself a favor...if you followed through, as hard as it might be to belive, I don't always believe that myself in my life....I guess my point is you're not entirely alone in feeling like this, and if you really feel like acting on something I strongly recommend getting some help and/or going to the ER.

I'm not really suicidal at the moment. I do hate myself, though. I fail to see the point of trying when defeat is inevitable in everything I do.

I have survived, and ruthlessness has never been a trait of mine. As for strength, that comes the more you face and solve challenges, it grows over time. I'm a fairly altruistic person, and relatively moral, though I don't think anyone would call me a weakling ... at least not within my hearing! So though I understand that you are having a big fit of blues, and in those states it is tempting to think in absolutes, that can and will pass. When your blues pass, let's revisit the issues of talent and potential. Something has wounded your faith in yourself, was it triggered by something that someone said or did?

I don't want to start a flame war, but I made enemies with a forum of trolls whose name I am not at liberty to divulge. These guys have nothing better to do with their lives, so they have no problem with picking on people that they dub "lolcows". They devote entire threads to these individuals, deconstructing and laughing at their every action, no matter how mundane. In the lolcow thread devoted to me, they claim they're doing posting horrible things in an effort make me a better person, but their behavior speaks otherwise. They've outright told me that I'll amount to nothing in this existence, that I'm a terrible writer, and so on and so forth. They even have the audacity to occasionally infiltrate WrongPlanet under troll accounts just to urinate in my cereal.

To make a long story short, I'm starting to believe the madmen. I guess sometimes, jerks have points.

There's one thing you didn't think about:

How do they know what kind of writer you are?

You know they're trolling--so they'll say anything. Even call you a Nazi or something.

They do this without evidence. All they want to do is obtain jollies for themselves.

Almost like verbal masturbation.

I think you'd do humanity more of a favour by staying alive. Your life will improve and you could be of great service to the people in your community some day in the future.

They lied to you. These sociopaths and anything they write about you count for nothing at all. Report them to moderators if/when they visit WP; don't interact with them in any way at all, ever again.

Finding a direction and purpose, however small for now, is a worthwhile thing to do; it will help rebuild your confidence and sense of looking forward to something. It can be a hobby, it could be growing plants, volunteering at an animal shelter, whatever - just something that gives you something to look forward to again.

Those trolls are, well, trolls. Anything they say or do should be ignored until someone crosses a line and you're able to report them to the admins of the site. My way of dealing with situations like this is to tell myself that these people's opinions do not matter because they are not being logical (who cares about what someone has to say about you if they will literally say anything to defame you, no logic = no meaning) or what they are saying has no purpose other than to make me feel bad. Perhaps it's easier said than done, but judge what they say by it's intent, not it's merit or accuracy, and it will become easier to recognize and then ignore their nonsense.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'm staying far away from that cesspool. I get sick just thinking about them.

Talents: You can write, so please do if you want to.

The treachery of the world rattles me, but mental strength has grown over time, a positive mercenary quality with glimmers of altruism rather than ruthlessness. I've got limited empathy for all as part of me, but sympathy for you.

So back to you, you can write, so please do if you want to.

Just another vote to not let jerks get in your head. I do it, too, and it's hard to stop. I have such an unstable self-image that I tend to believe what I'm told about myself. If I can stop in the moment and notice what is happening then I can reject the message, but this takes a lot of focus.

Anyway, good luck. I also vote for you doing a humanity a favor and writing more.

There are some really evil trolls out there. You ever hear the words, "I'm hurting you to help you" or some variation thereof you can be almost certain you're dealing with a sociopath. They don't want to help you, they want to hurt you. Don't associate with meanies.

The only way you are defeated is when you don't attempt. I've had this problem for a long time.
In all honesty, most people who are good at what they do mostly think they aren't good enough as someone else.

If you decide that you aren't good enough and you say you hate yourself. That tells me that you don't have much appreciation for the life you have.

Be active, do whatever it is that makes you happy. As long as you feel great, nothing else should matter.

A member of the forums had the audacity to post this sickening parody of me on YouTube.

First, Killing yourself would not be doing humanity any favors, the callous b@st@rds wouldn't even notice.

Second, because they are callous and unfeeling, you owe it to yourself to vindictively burden them with your presence for as long as physically possible.

I'm joking, of course, but if trolls are harassing you, the best advice is Don't Go Where the Trolls Are. Hard to do, I know, since the Internet seems to spontaneously spawn them by the millions, like Sea Monkeys, but their nasty remarks can only hurt you if you read them, so don't read them.

I rarely go back and read replies to my own posts here on WP and these people are generally pretty nice. My state of anxiety is just naturally so high, it doesn't take much to twist me up and make me feel like I'm being intentionally brutalized, and I know a lot of that is my own perception, but it doesn't change the fact that that's how I react, so I just preempt the stress by not looking back.

Also, writing is like any other art form. There's Definitively Great and Abysmally Awful - and a giant ocean of entirely subjective opinion in between. One person's favorite literary treasure is another person's toilet paper.

Even if you start out closer to the Atolls of Abysmal Badness than to the Harbor of Definitive Greatness, you can learn to swim and strike out for clearer waters. That is, after all, how you get to Carnegie Hall.