helping people is hard

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I RTed one of those "mutual aid" posts on Twitter, someone who says they are trying to escape an abusive situation and needs money for a train ticket out of there.

Got DMed by person, asking for money. I sent what I could, but it wasn't enough for the ticket. Then they keep asking for money.

I'm freakin tired. At this point I don't know if they are telling the truth or not, but I figure it's on their conscience and not mine. I sent what I could "afford" to, again, after my paycheck hit about an hour ago.
Still, after sending that, plus paying rent + my dr bill.... I'm flat broke. Sigh. Which means I have no money to buy lunch at work or if something comes up during the week. God dammit.

So I finally put my foot down and said no more, that's all, don't feel bad for needing help but I can't do this anymore. And they're not messaging me now. (So far.)

Still broke though.

I feel like people might be inclined to say that they're scamming me, and y'know.... maybe they are. It's likely, even. Still, I do know that situations like that are scary and unpredictable, and costs can come up very suddenly and I would want someone to believe me were I in that situation..... y'know??

This is part of why I never give money directly to people in need. The other part is that if you go through a registered charity you both get potential tax deductions and a good charity can stretch the money far further than if you give it directly.

Every month I donate to a charity that helps address the various facets of homelessness and I don't really have to think about the specifics of how the money will get to those that need it or particularly worry about whether they really need it or if it's a scammer.

They are messaging me again.



I'm this close to leaving a final message along the lines of "look, I believe you, but I can't keep doing this. this is stressing me out". And blocking.

I used to have a family friend who constantly needed to borrow money. It was annoying, but he did legitimately need it. Had an extremely limited income living off disability payments and food stamps, and he needed money to see the Dr and sometimes to buy essentials.

Still stressed me the hell out. I'd get legit shutdowns from him asking me for money, because I don't f**king know how to say "no". Also didn't help that my mom would spam call me about "why are you ignoring Karl, answer him now". I'd retreat to my bed and ignore her calls while being overwhelmed.

Not the solution, but moving to a developing world country really helped me be comfortable walking past the various people asking for hand outs. Some of the scams were outright disgusting, even by local standards over there.

As far as you go, figure out how much money you can reasonably afford to give out for charity and set that aside. When it's gone, it's gone and all you really need to say if somebody asks is "no." Or you can indicate that you've already run through your budgeted amount for giving. I wouldn't personally give money away through a method that allows me to be contacted by the recipient if possible. Even respectable charities can hound past donors for many years after the previous donation.

Colliegrace's situation is why I give mostly to charitable organizations.  That old 'fishy' saying should go like this:

"Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day.  But then he will be back tomorrow asking for another fish."

If it's an abusive situation I'd be offering to contact authorities.
I wouldn't be sending anyone money especially if they keep asking for more.

Going to block them if they ask one more time. I've already told them multiple times I have nothing left to send and gave a warning that further asking will result in a block. I literally sent them the rest of my paycheck after bills and rent. I have nothing for the week now. I even gave up paying for my Crunchyroll (anime Netflix, basically) subscription to help them out. Tbh I'm freakin pissed.

Yeah, I had that happen to me before. The guy(well girl going by what pronouns she wanted me to use) kept asking me for money. Even when I told them that I didn't have any money to send they still kept asking me. It got to the point where I had to end the friendship. Though we are back to being friends that person doesn't ask me anymore.

How I do it now is that if people ask for money I give what I have left after I budget and make sure I have what I'll need by the end of the month plus a little extra for just in case. I personally avoid online especially popular areas like Twitter because those tend to have more scammers. The hardest part about helping people is when you realize...you can't help everyone.

Yeah. A while back I had to block a former friend I knew IRL who kept asking me for money over and over on FB. I helped her a few times, but she came back to me near daily saying she needed something else. Maybe she was being truthful, but it felt really fishy tbh. She kept trying to get money out of me and complaining daily about her situation, just got too stressful. With the insight of another friend, they advised that I block her. So I did.

For sure, for sure.

I stopped sending people online money because it was too often a scam:/ It sucks cause lots of people are really in need but I have to take care of myself too

If you ever lend a friend or family member money, never expect or assume you will be paid back.

If you go into it with that mindset, it will save you heartache.

As in gambling, only lend as much as you can afford to lose.

This s**t is why I'm such a loner I swear

These situations are tough & scammers are clever at playing peoples' emotions.

I've helped out several people who were completely legitimate via a couple fb groups during peak covid - people who needed groceries for their kids after covid shut their job down, groceries while recovering from cancer treatments etc. I didn't mind spending this money, and I could afford to spend it vs. be broke.

I've Also been scammed a couple of times for small amounts of money from people reaching out for help in various groups. Annoying, but, it was $ I could afford to lose and not be broke and Most of the time I've paid for stuff for people it's been legitimate and they've been very appreciative so I can't let one or two bad apples ruin my generosity when someone is truly in need and I can afford a little bit to help. Makes me a little more skeptical and guarded, though, as it should.

Aside: I do have several loans floating out there to several people and I've been calling on each of them to pay them down.. they're all good people but some of them horribly unreliable to pay or pay on time and I really shouldn't be extending further small loans to anyone until I collect on the several that are out there - they all add up to quite a chunk of change, probably $10k. Yet when a beach vendor was talking about being short on cash to get his season kicked off by booking a table at 4:20 to sell food I pretty much immediately offered to fund his little restaurant, and then did. lol Whatever; at least he's offered me a really solid return on my investment vs. the 0% I collect from a few others. But still.. just thinking out loud at this point in my post - I really need to learn to say no more often/be more forceful in collecting what's owed to me. At least I know these things. (There's a whole lot more money than that owed to me, too lol, but that's a different story and I will get paid - tens of thousands for work already completed that I have to do some accounting & invoicing for this year, another $12k for my van and so on.)

Annnnnyways:

Thing is, even if you were helping someone legitimately.. if it leaves you flat broke with $0 for emergencies or extras or whatever, then you couldn't afford to be donating that money to them in the first place and shouldn't even consider it. Let someone else with deeper pockets help them out if they choose to. You've got to look after yourself first and not allow charity to put you in the poor house or worse. Kind of you, but entirely the wrong financial move considering your current lack of disposable income or accumulated wealth.

Thanks.

I had to lay down the law to the person mentioned in the OP. Told them that if they're only talking to me with hopes of getting more money out of me then they have no business talking to me because I'm not giving out more anytime soon. Not that I don't want to help, but that I legit need my money.

I am sorry to hear about this.

I give money to people on the street sometimes if they are sitting quietly or busking. I figure they probably know what they need right now.

I don't give money to the people who harass me.

If I had more money I would give it to charities working in poor countries. I like Give Directly.