Rants

Post Reply New Topic

Dear MissConstrue, I'm able to understand the difficulty in trying to acquire friendship & companionship from an online context as, there often can be people whom potentially could be a toxic nature unto you as a person.
I'll be straightforward to say, that I was once part of a singles group for Aspergers on Yahoo many years ago which was filled with unpleasantness. One would think that with such number of Aspergians that there would be a great deal of potential for friendship and/or companionship? Not to say such did not occur but, unlike some people I'm not known to take relationship issues as a joke.

In fact, I wound up being seen as the bad apple of the group. From that time I've simply kept to myself whether it be an online/offline manner.
These days, being here on wrongplanet I do my best to create & maintaining friendships of the people I've come to know.Anyways, I honestly hope your able to find friends here and not incur any negative scenarios from previous environments.

I worked my way up to doing something strong and decisive, to put an end to this emotional catastrophe I've been having the past few weeks. I was strong, and then I caved. f**k. I've made things so much worse in the long run, but in the short run it made me feel better. Nothing now but guilt and regret, perhaps some self-loathing, that I could be so weak. Do I really believe I want to be on my own? I think it was easier that way, but it's hard to go back when I have a little glimmer of comfort or pity from someone else, even someone I don't want, or can't allow myself to... aaaaah. I don't know. I don't understand how I feel and that makes me feel weak and reckless. I just need to shut down and go back to being a robot, but I feel I've unleashed something now I can't contain. It feels too good not to be alone. But alone is what's best for me. I'm so very confused.

today i hate neurotypical people in general and autistic uncle tom people in particular.
i am sick and tired of nts and auts telling me i have to be polite to nts who rush into places asking if this or that will help their child with their autism.
this obssession with curing autism that nts and auts have drives me nuts.
bleach enemas, gluten free diets, paleo, non-dairy, the color blue, cbt, marijuana, program this, program that - all with the same sick and soul-murdering intention: getting rid of autistic people.
i honestly think that neurotypical people should have their autistic children removed upon diagnose - re-home the kids with people on the spectrum, because nts are inherently unfit to parent autistic children. they dont have the intelligence, empathy, common sense or compassion to raise autistic children - and clearly not the inclination either, since all they focus on is how to cure said children
and the autistic uncle toms, who fawn over those brave "autism parents who are only wanting the best for their kids who are suffering so from their debilitating condition" makes me wanna puke. selfhating followers of autism speaks.

I don't know how to respond
to sympathy
Sympathy breaks me
Yet of course people sympathise
And I don't know how to take it
I wish in a way I had never mentioned it
My mind vomits up all this stuff
And I feel I have to write it
Because that may be all there is to me
And soon there may be nothing left
but I feel like an object of pity
Of my own making
I don't want to bring anyone down
But I feel like I am
The elephant in the room.

The elephant in the room.[/quote]

You do not do such!

raleigh, i don't pity you. none of us gets out alive. i am hoping you keep getting as much support as you can. i have respect for the difficult path you're on. as far as responding to sympathy, a simple thanks is all the sympathiser should expect. and perhaps more sharing.

I am f****d. Been on this site all evening because it's the closest thing I have to someone to talk to. Everything is falling apart, worse than usual. Sitting here crying in my room for hours, feeling desperate because I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how I feel; everything is too intense. Trying not to get too worked up because I don't want a full on break with reality, but I'm failing on that front. f**k. It's getting to the point where I'm considering surrendering my freedom and just letting someone else make the decisions for me for a while. But I can't trust anyone to do the things in my best interest anyway. Every time I try to reach out I mess things up, I make people feel bad or guilty and then I wish I'd never mentioned it, or they brush it aside because they don't get it.
I am just poisonous to myself at the moment. I need help.

Today was supposed to be a productive day for me
It was a productive day, but not really a productive day that would help me further in the future (it might but most likely not)

I write piteous things
Then get scared
When people offer support
What's that about?

I don't think I write to share
I write to get it out of my head
Then I feel exposed
And freaked out
When people respond.
I feel I must shut up
Until the next compulsive thought
It's a big, f****d up endless cycle.

[quote="Raleigh"]I write piteous things
Then get scared
When people offer support
What's that about?


It means you show emotional content.((((((((((Raleigh)))))))

About a year and a half ago I was having this god awful chestpain, so I went to the doctor where they found I had two heart valve problems, a tricuspid and mitriol valve issue (I do not know if these are the correct spelling) the doctor wanted me to see if I could manage it first and it really might only become a huge problem when I am older, but for about a year or so it wasnt too bad. (The pain)

it would occasionally creep up on me here and there but for the last month maybe two the pain has been so unbearable at night that its woken me up out of a dead sleep, the doctor did suggest that I sleep elevated instead of on my back, because it usually helps elevate the pain for some reason, but right now I am on the couch at someones house so its not really possible for me to do.

I already have a fear of dying pretty much but I just cant take it anylonger. Its just so physically painfull I dont know if I can take much more of this.

ITS HAPPENING

CONFLICTS HERE AND PISSING PEOPLE OFF JUST LIKE I DID WITH EVERY OTHER SOCIAL f**k UP I HAVE HAD. I SHOULD JUST f*****g LEAVE BEFORE I MAKE A FURTHER ASS OF MYSELF. I HAVE s**t FOR COMMUNICATION, EVERYONE WILL ALWAYS HATE ME.

FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML FML

I HATE AUTISM, DIE AUTISM DIE

NOTHING WILL EVER GET BETTER, MY LIFE IS s**t, GOD HATES ME, I AM GOING TO HELL.

^ calm down.
Everyone doesn't hate you.
I like you very much.
Lots of other people here like you too.

^^ back away from the multimeter, dcj.

Thanks kazanscube. I do agree given so much toxicity I've seen lately online. I just don't do well with in-crowds especially when they go off the deep end and start excluding and ostracizing others for the most ridiculous things. I think I get along better with people who may disagree but still value you as an individual. I'm not a big fan of collectivism as a whole. I feel a little upset though because I did value their friendships but I think for now on I'm just going to stick with myself and stay away from the toxicity. It's made my anxiety and depression so much worse. I thought maybe I could get through it or see things there way but it just gets worse. I will miss some of them but I need to move on for my own sake and sanity. Stick with the people who may not always agree or always be there but value me as much of an individual as I do them. Anyway I've learned a lot from this. I used to think you had to stick with those who were on the "good" side or were like you. Now I see that humans just don't work that way and I'm seeing a huge down side in that "good" is too general due to one's own beliefs and self perceptions.

it doesnt matter why you write, Raleigh. writing to get things out of your mind is ok too. yesterday i wrote two diatribes about hating nts... because keeping those thoughts inside was driving me crazy.
you post your stuff here where people at least have the intellectual and emotional potential to relate. i posted my s**t on facebook, where the potential for intellect and true emotion is at best slim.
getting stuff out of your system is important. keeps you on the side of sane and gives the rest of us a chance to relate.