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AprilR
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01 Aug 2022, 11:52 am

KitLily wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I feel sick again. Idk what it is but i can barely keep my eyes open


Could it be a food allergy or intolerance? I used to feel really sick until I found out what I wasn't tolerant to.

Hope you feel better soon :)


Thanks. It's probably a mix of my unhealthy eating habits, hangover and the meds i am on.
I will have a Light meal i guess.



KitLily
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01 Aug 2022, 1:42 pm

AprilR wrote:
Thanks. It's probably a mix of my unhealthy eating habits, hangover and the meds i am on.
I will have a Light meal i guess.


I discovered there is often a magic food that helps a person feel better immediately, you just have to find which it is. Mine is a raw carrot. My friend's magic food is a banana. It's interesting how food affects us :?


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Edna3362
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02 Aug 2022, 6:25 am

In which people from where I live doesn't like me to go out alone at night in fear of rapists...


I get the well meaning warnings but...

... It's just giving me a chance or an excuse to be reasonably act violent should that happen.
I'm not stupid -- with how men are physically built, with how one acts with fear.


What they did know? I'm not a normal person. And I'm not even talking about autism.

They don't know that I'm holding back the whole time.
I don't freeze because I'm afraid. I freeze because I know I'm about to do something destructive and people around me would be affected if I let my natural fear reaction go.

I freeze never because of my self preservation -- it's to 'not make things complicated' and not escalate.

And I want to let out this destructive energy...


In my mind... No one's persuading me.
They're doing the opposite. They're giving me more reasons to go out alone and 'risk' myself.

I'm not "acting brave" or some tough person act. I just really, really want an excuse to act on violence...

It's not some power trip, revenge or heroic fantasy either.
No, I just want an actual excuse to physically hurt someone, legalities and reasons be damned.

It's just something my heart yearns to do even... What beyond my irrational self longs to do.


TLDR;
What they say: "Don't go out at night, it's unsafe."
What I heard: "Your chance to self regulate, express and let it all out."

People should leave me alone, I think.


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DogOfJudah
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02 Aug 2022, 10:38 am

Just had a bottle of cider which was a bottle of water ! !


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KitLily
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02 Aug 2022, 10:53 am

DogOfJudah wrote:
Just had a bottle of cider which was a bottle of water ! !


How did that happen?


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DogOfJudah
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02 Aug 2022, 11:05 am

KitLily wrote:
DogOfJudah wrote:
Just had a bottle of cider which was a bottle of water ! !


How did that happen?


I'm not sure I opened it as I would any other bottle of cider... Then was struck by the disappointment it wasn't fizzy at first, then secondly the fact that means it's not alcohol :(

I have written a stern email to them about quality control which made me feel better


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KitLily
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02 Aug 2022, 11:10 am

DogOfJudah wrote:
I'm not sure I opened it as I would any other bottle of cider... Then was struck by the disappointment it wasn't fizzy at first, then secondly the fact that means it's not alcohol :(

I have written a stern email to them about quality control which made me feel better


What a horrid thing to happen! It's awful to go to eat or drink something and it turns out to be something else.

Yes you tell 'em. I am always writing stern emails :lol:


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babybird
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02 Aug 2022, 11:21 am

DogOfJudah wrote:
KitLily wrote:
DogOfJudah wrote:
Just had a bottle of cider which was a bottle of water ! !


How did that happen?


I'm not sure I opened it as I would any other bottle of cider... Then was struck by the disappointment it wasn't fizzy at first, then secondly the fact that means it's not alcohol :(

I have written a stern email to them about quality control which made me feel better


No way...i hope you get some freebies.


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PhosphorusDecree
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05 Aug 2022, 3:59 pm

When you live on the Internet as much as I've been forced to the last few years, you are part of a technological miracle that links you to nine billion screaming little goblins with long, twitching antennae who sit hunched in their dank mouldering dungeons, drooling a thick, venomous bile into their computer keyboards 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, forever. After you've been in the network long enough, you become one of the goblins.


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Nekomonster
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06 Aug 2022, 4:52 am

I've been left to myself to watch the house for a week while everyone else goes on vacation. I didn't ask for the time off work in time...honestly, I didn't really try. The thought intimidated me because I haven't seen my aunt/that side of the family in quite a while.

I wish I had. This is f*****g miserable. They've been gone less than 24 hours. I've already tried to hit someone up to fool around and then been like "actually I can't do this sorry for wasting your time." My routine is going to be extra out of sorts with literally no one around. And then they've decided to still have the guy working on the bathroom keep doing it while I'm there, just so I can feel extra uncomfortable.

I am gross. I had that conscious thought to myself a while ago and now it keeps echoing in my head. I can't fix my f*****g teeth. I can't tie my shoes. I can't always manage my emotions. I can't live up to normal adult expectations. I'm regressing instead of getting better when it comes to people skills. No one should fool around with me.


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KitLily
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06 Aug 2022, 5:31 am

Nekomonster wrote:
I've been left to myself to watch the house for a week while everyone else goes on vacation. I didn't ask for the time off work in time...honestly, I didn't really try. The thought intimidated me because I haven't seen my aunt/that side of the family in quite a while.

I wish I had. This is f*****g miserable. They've been gone less than 24 hours. I've already tried to hit someone up to fool around and then been like "actually I can't do this sorry for wasting your time." My routine is going to be extra out of sorts with literally no one around. And then they've decided to still have the guy working on the bathroom keep doing it while I'm there, just so I can feel extra uncomfortable.

I am gross. I had that conscious thought to myself a while ago and now it keeps echoing in my head. I can't fix my f*****g teeth. I can't tie my shoes. I can't always manage my emotions. I can't live up to normal adult expectations. I'm regressing instead of getting better when it comes to people skills. No one should fool around with me.


Can you do a free or cheap course online to distract yourself? I spend my life alone at home so I have lots of tips if you want e.g. find a series to binge on, write stories, go for short walks etc.


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Twilightprincess
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06 Aug 2022, 5:56 pm

“You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”

- Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Ouch. This is hitting hard today.


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Edna3362
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07 Aug 2022, 2:43 am

something incomplete wrote:
... Being aware of it, and like it's some kind of impending poison trapped inside...

This resonates to me...
... In a really dark way.

It's a something far, far from recent. Likely older than any of my earliest memories.
I won't be surprised if it happened to be older than myself.

.. I want it to die...


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KitLily
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10 Aug 2022, 9:31 am

I feel exhausted from being out of sync with the world. It is so tiring to get the reaction 'eh?' 'what?' 'what on earth are you talking about?' 'you're weird' etc 9 times out of 10. Either that or people laughing, saying 'oh you're so funny!' when I wasn't making a joke. Or people getting angry about what I said for no reason I can see. Or just giving me a weird stare.

I just wish FOR ONCE I could have an interaction with a real person when I make what I think is a normal comment and get the reaction of 'oh yes, I know what you mean' or 'I understand how you feel'. Or some other understanding reaction instead of total incomprehension.

For so long I've felt like I'm constantly explaining myself or pretending to laugh along but I don't know why. It's exhausting.


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Fnord
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10 Aug 2022, 9:36 am

I stopped at Farmer Boys' (a family-style restaurant).  Just as I was about to leave, someone went on a rant about how Farmer Boy's was owned by Middle-East terrorists, and that I had just funded their jihad against America.

(I said "As-salamu alaykum" to him and left.)

Farmer Boys' is actually owned by a family of Cypriot immigrants, who have much more in common with Greece and Turkey than with Iran or Iraq.


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kmb501
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10 Aug 2022, 9:42 am

I hate it when I'm just socially aware enough to realize how "off" my thinking must be to non-autistic people. I see "normal" people as the "bad guys," but they probably see me the same way. Why are we like this as society, and why can't I actually do something with these insights I have instead of waiting for them to go away so that I can be my usual asocial self again?