Rants

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I fcking hate it when people get away with things.

It came out that I had been seriously violated when I was about 5 years old. It's weird because I was able to piece all the fragments of my memories together and that was the picture.

I just hate that someone has got away with this and I can't fcking get them done for it. It's so frustrating. I don't even know who it was because that parts still blank.

So fcking frustrating.

I can't even get mad about what happened to me because I just dissociate but I just hate the injustice of this.

The one time I actually want to do overtime everyone whines about it. I will literally never volunteer to do overtime again. I guess my entire department can just get f****d since I'm not coming in early tomorrow despite the fact we're behind and have been all week.

It's just hygiene and safety which are my concern. When you've got a child in the house all sorts of things end up in the toilet, including the child if you're not careful. So the minute we had a baby, toilet seats and lids were closed for safety and hygiene reasons. Also, a closed toilet is less of a temptation for a little one to put things in/ jump in etc. A nice big open toilet is too tempting for toddlers.

Why not just close the toilet, if somebody wants it to be closed? It's not that hard to do.

AAAAAANNNNNGGGGRRRREEEEEEEE!

Not only what I said before either. I pieced more together today. It all makes sense now. I'm really fcking angry about all of this. I mean I knew that my upbringing was sh*t to say the least but this is just off the fcking scale.

I always felt like there was some kind of conspiracy surrounding me but I put it down to being paranoid and I was quite OK with that. Now I know I was right all a f*cking long.

What the fck am I supposed to do with all of this knowledge...i was punching the walls before but I just ended up with swollen knuckles.

I'm gonna have a bit of luxury tonight to set me free from all this for a while.

F*ck it

^ I'm so sorry that happened to you, BB. I hope you're ok.

^ That's awful, Babybird. Please take good care of yourself.

Aw thank you..yeah I'm OK. Had a good sleep and it's done me the world of good.

Thank you. I'm OK today.

Sorry you had to go through that, Babybird.

I'm glad you're feeling better today.

I think you deserve some more luxuries tonight.

I hate the fact that when I feel motivated and happy that I have to stop and wonder if I'm beginning to develop a manic episode. Feeling legitimately motivated or happy is rare for me and I usually only get to experience those things when I become manic. That would also really suck because I finally haven't drank for a few days, and it'd be a lot harder to resist the urge to if I was in a state like that (I actually started heavily drinking because of the last mixed episode I was in). I've also just managed to stop cutting and burning myself, so I'd have to struggle more with resisting that, too.

I hope this isn’t a manic episode, and that you are truly happy and motivated.

Hahaha you can have too much of a good thing ya know