I am ill-equipped for problems like this.

Post Reply New Topic

Many of you know that I am a 12-stepper. And many of you know that a large part of 12-step recovery is helping out others in the program.

OK, with that said....

I am seriously starting to resent my relationship with another guy in the program. The thing that is bothering me the most about it is that he is relying on me, and me alone, to be his sole shoulder in the program. And as much as I want to save him from his demons, I cannot take on his demons by myself when my own ones are actively tearing me apart.

I do not want to sound selfish. But I doubt that I can help him much. And I feel him dragging me deeper down with every overwhelmingly negative statement he makes.

And I am afraid to be honest with him about this, because I know he will turn around and use that as an excuse to break his fragile sobriety, and I do not want to live with that hanging over my head.

I am at a loss here.

I think you need to explain the situation to the person in charge of the program and let them know that you can't cope with his negativity. Tell the person in charge that although you want to help others, the situation with this guy is too much for you to handle alone.

We are interested in your progress here on WP and don't want someone else to drag you down when you're working so hard to build yourself up. You can't be expected to help others until you feel ready for it and confident of your own success. It's not that you don't want to but this particular guy seems like too big a challenge at this point.

An old saying: "An alcoholic in recovery is a Codependent that doesn't drink."

It's a cute saying but I have found more than a little truth in it.

Here is some stuff I have been told, tried, and found to work for me:
- I have to take care of myself first.
- I am not responsible for any else's sobriety. They are.
- I need only share my experience, strength, and hope. I do not give advice. Ever.
- If someone needs or wants more than the preceding, they should take that up with their Sponsor. Not me.
- It isn't about dumping or abandoning someone; it is "Releasing them with love".

I know that you know all of the above, and have already heard it a zillion times.

But to my original point: I have benefited greatly from attending an AlAnon meeting or two or three.

Thanks for the reminder, Marky9.

Yeah, I am going to have to let this guy make his own mistakes. Knowing it is all for the best of both of us does not make it any easier. He irritates me because I see too many of my own character defects in him, and that is the same reason I want to help him.