I'm sad because it's so hard to be a girl when you are a boy

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As some of you might've guessed, I'm a Male-to Female transgender. And I've been pretty much struggling not only to get the courage to express myself in however way I want (even though society hates it) but to also accept the fact that I truly identify myself the most as a girl. Honestly I know that there's gonna be more tension, trouble and rejection in the future, so I would sincerely like some advice as to how to cope with this and how to find the courage to fight against rejection and transphobia (trangender/crossdressing hate).

Please help me however you can.

Have you checked out the LGTB subforum? I know there are several other transgender people there.

I'm not transgender, so my advice is somewhat limited, but I have had to face similar fears about society's reaction to me in other areas - specifically, I'm trying to become a single mother to an autistic or BAP child conceived by sperm donation. I have already had one guy who I was sussing out as a possible donor express negative views of donor conception, and I know once I go further on this route I'll face more judgement.

Ultimately, I think you need to look at what feels right to you. And even if others react badly, even if you lose loved ones over this, you have to do what's best for yourself. You can't live your life to suit anyone else.

Yeah, but there's also going to be more great things - surprising sources of support and acceptance, freedom of being your "true self" and not hiding who you are all the time, more peace with your body, the reactions of people around you changing as they respond to you as you really are, not the misleading physical exterior, etc. To assume being trans is all pain and woe is, in my opinion, not a good way to go into this. If that's all you're expecting to find, I'd hate to think that's all you'll see.
My attitude to transphobia is not to "fight" it, as I don't enjoy fights and don't waste my time on conflicts, but to either discuss ideas and philosophy if the person is willing to discuss it, or simply suggest they educate themselves because they are ignorant and then refuse to engage in arguments if they are not open to discussion.
People are going to reject and hate on you in all sorts of spaces, not just because you're trans. That's life. The way you respond to rejection and hate because you are trans will likely match how you choose to deal with conflict in general.

You requested any help...or i wouldn't post.

I've never experienced feeling as you do, so i can't relate on that level, nor do i know what resources are available. I do know though that feeling that, that strongly, would be something no one would voluntarily wish upon themselves given the deep despair and turmoil it can cause. And as such, i guess the only help i could offer is to try to remember that not everyone out there will judge you harshly.

And maybe sometimes, as hard as it feels, remember that your stepping forward is helping lessen the suffering of future generations.

I guess i don't have much to offer for help. I just wanted you to know that even though i'm not transgendered, there are people out there that will see past such categories and simply want to be around you based on who you are as a person.

Thank you. You are a very kind person! I think just the fact that you posted anyway despite any actual transgender experience is one of the very reasons why I consider you to be very kind!

Your picture is lovely! I'm agender / tomboyish, and it's an unfair double standard that I've worn t-shirts and boys' jeans all my life, and no one has ever given me any grief for it. Hopefully the world will continue to become more accepting of such things.

Thank you! I actually started to despise it a little bit because I though my smile was a little too awkward, but hey at least that just proves how much of a girl I really am! (since girls girls tend to change their minds/clothes a lot!)

Yeah I know, that's life in the year 2016 right there unfortunately. From what I've heard here in WrongPlanet, the reason why many tomboy girls and girls in general tend to get away with being transgender is because of the women's rights revolution that happened around the 1950's. And since that revolution modern society has mostly taken female-to-male transgenders for granted. While us male-to-female transgenders on the other hand, being humanity's mascot, we are taking lots of beating because either for (mostly) religious or misunderstanding and well as society's sexist prejudices.

I wouldn't go too far there - the other way doesn't have a picnic, either. Transsexuality in any direction is challenging. And while society may be accepting of tomboy girls, and even to a lesser extent butch lesbians, for many perspectives transman is a step too far. I know many transmen who constantly get people trying to "convince" them that they're really women by pointing out every feminine trait and using it to invalidate, to prove they're really just women pretending to be men, because they hate themselves. Transmen also have a high risk of rape if outed, often by men threatened by them, and wanting to put them in their place as women.
But as I said, it's not all awful.

I would agree with that. I've definitely experienced the challenge of trying to find clothes that aren't too feminine, but aren't so masculine that people are going to treat me weird. It's a fine line, unfortunately.

And I agree that being transgender is far more challenging than agender. I don't like being female, but I don't want to be male either, so - I'm okay with people perceiving me as a tomboy, and I'm grateful it's socially accepted.

^^^My smile is often awkward. You look beautiful to me! Also, if any one decides to say bad things about you, they have ME to talk to! [and my sword, for that matter!]




Am I going overboard? I have always been rather over-protective of those I love. Well, that's a dragon girl for you.

Honestly, Puerto Rico is not exactly a LGBT friendly place. Do you have any opportunities of going elsewhere? If the US, then places like Massachusetts. Or if your Spanish is good, try maybe going to Spain (Spain is really LGBT friendly, despite some religious prejudices).

Well, if all else fails, you can always come and live with me.

Puerto Rico is a real mess, and "boriquas" as they are called are bailing out in droves, or so I've heard. Since PR is part of the US, OP has the option of simply moving to the continental US. Massachusetts is really expensive, and so is California. Another poster on WP mentioned that Roanoke, Virginia, is alt-gender friendly. Boriquas speak both Spanish and English, but moving to Spain would be rather difficult. Best bet for OP is an alt-gender friendly place in the US mainland.

Thank you for your advice! I actually have a pretty mediocre Spanish so any English-speaking, LGBT friendly country will do.

If I were to go to the U.S. I was thinking about moving to some of its northern states; most preferably the one nearest Canada since that where one of my best friends lives there.

New York is a state that usually comes to mind whenever I think of moving to the U.S. as well. Is it LGBT friendly? (Also is it one of those states where you can easily get mugged? )

Did you know that Canada has free health care?

I think wherever you go, you could get mugged. Sadly.
Moreso in larger cities..and cities are places more likely to be lgbt friendly. Or, i think, they at least have a higher likelihood of acceptance that may not be found in a small town (where you probably won't be mugged, but may be the only one "out").

Maybe somewhere here?
http://www.advocate.com/print-issue/cur ... erica-2015