Not liking who I am and can't do anything about it.

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Sometimes I have meltdowns over what most people consider small stuff. Something goes wrong and I try to fix it, or shown how to fix it, and when I do it, it does'nt work, its still messed up. I get frustrated when that happens. Or when something happens with the car or my computer and everything I try does'nt work.

This had been all my life. When I found out I have AS that explained alot of it and I was able to deal. I've tried to work on these meltdowns or feeling like that when things go wrong, I have tried different meds for it. No matter what I try I can't stop reacting this way. Its like I'm hard wired for it.

I'm almost 50 years old and I'm very very tired trying to change and nothing works. So this is who I am no matter what.

But I don't like that I am this way. I'm sick of how I react and sick of trying to change. Nothing has helped so why keep trying?

Since I always react the wrong way and I can't change how I feel I don't belong in this world. Maybe time to look for an exit.

Not looking for advice just needed to get that out.

Meltdowns seem to be related to stress--rather than experimenting with meds you might look for activities you can do that reduce stress. Many popular activities today are quite stressful--movies, surfing the Internet, watching TV, and even going to a restaurant (new menu with tons of choices) can add to your stress level.

Or, perhaps, maybe you can subtract activities, do you really need to all that?

Hi KenM,

Firstly, we have something in common. When I took the "which Muppet would you be" quiz, I tested as Animal. Drums are cool ! !!

BTDT has a good point. Getting rid of stress can help you better deal with challenges that come your way. Even though it sounds simple, eating right helps. Another thing that can help is Epsom salt baths ... it works for me and puts me in a good mood, and I have a friend who agrees it helps her, too, for help with falling asleep.

And no, not all men are mechanically inclined. My father hated cars. He couldn't do a thing himself when they broke down. That's just the way it was, and he accepted it. He had a lot of strengths in other areas, so it kind of balanced out.

Forget about me....I suck at mechanical things. I always hit my thumb when I hammer in a nail LOL

The three biggest things that have helped me get control of my meltdowns are being able to control my stress level to an extent through influencing my environment, learning to tell when my stress level is increasing, and learning to change the behavior I have when I AM freaking out so that it's not so obvious and upsetting to others (although now I'm having trouble getting people to understand that I AM actually freaking out and not just being negative!)

For influencing my environment, I try to modulate my exposure to sensory experiences that can get my anxiety level higher. Of course, I HAVE to be in places that hurt me sometimes, but if I can step out for a while to calm down and make sure I don't do too many difficult sensory things in one day, it does wonders. I also make sure that my home environment is as calm and safe as possible. This is easier for me now that I've managed to live on my own, but even when I lived with my parents I was able to stay safe in my room by taking off my clothes and wrapping myself in a blanket and doing things that calm me. I also use other calming techniques such as turning off the lights and stimulating my senses in calming ways (like smelling things that smell like people I love or listening to music that calms me).

The other important part of this--and this ties in with noticing my stress level--is making sure I know which things will stress me out and only schedule one very stressful thing a day. If I have a doctor's appointment, for instance, I don't want to go back to work after that because those are stressful for me, so I try to schedule it towards the end of the day and take the rest of the day off to decompress. By figuring out what makes me anxious, I can also try to avoid stumbling into situations that may stress me out when I'm already at a higher level of stress. When I have to miss work due to illness, I get very upset, so on a day like that I probably shouldn't talk to someone I tend to get frustrated with. And of course, sometimes anxiety levels are higher for no good reason, and in those situations it's helpful to not take on any more than absolutely necessary. I also make sure to warn people when I'm stressed out when I think it may affect my behavior.

I don't know how you act when you have meltdowns, but I know that for me it was imperative that I learn to control them because if I didn't, I'd hurt people, because my lizard brain would mistake anyone coming towards me, touching me, or blocking me from getting away for an immediate danger and I'd start fighting. Because of that, I first worked on getting away to a safe place away from people, and then I worked on learning to force myself into a curled up position on the ground where I wouldn't be able to hurt people during the times when I couldn't escape. I also learned about warning people that I needed to be alone, and I try to retain my ability to speak for as long as possible, although sometimes that's not very long (I'm still not clear on how to make sure I can speak all the time). Now, I'm working on delaying the actual meltdown until I'm in a safe place where I won't hurt or upset anyone and won't be a danger to myself. If your meltdowns aren't as dangerous, the correct way to control your behavior might not be as obvious, but if you have undesirable behaviors like screaming, you can practice ways to prevent your body from doings by making it do something else instead.

The final piece of the puzzle is training myself to withstand more and more stressful situations. I always try to push myself just a little bit further than I'm comfortable with (or as far as I need to, if I think I can handle it) but not so far that I'll actually have a meltdown. This requires being able to tell when you're getting to a point where you might overload so you'll have enough time to get out of the situation before it blows up.

Technology not working is incredibly upsetting--I totally get why those trigger meltdowns for you. Do you have a therapist, or are you able to get one? Maybe you can practice ways of stopping yourself as soon as the problem occurs so you don't get yourself onto the loop that causes the meltdown. For some people that's breathing, or reminding themselves that it's not the end of the world, or just immediately distracting themselves, or something like that--different things are necessary for different people.

Thanks, I am seeing a therapist and on meds. But no matter how much I try, I can't change this about me. I have been trying all my life different things and nothing works. I've come to the conclusion that I will always be like this. I don't like being like this and I'm stuck how I am. I want it to stop

there is a post very similar to this one about confrontation anxiety.
I know the feeling of stress overwhelming you. Then reacting in a way society finds unacceptable.
one thing that helped me (when nothing was helping me get a grip on my emotions) was getting on an antipsychotic.
I got intense emotional reactions to things and for me I needed an equally intense medication to get a grip.