How do you handle compliments?

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I've been noticing recently that I have a strange way of reacting to compliments. Usually when I get one, it's from someone I don't know (like the people I help over the phone). They'll say something like, "You're the best!" and I'll find myself rolling my eyes. I've always felt like compliments aren't something you should throw out lightly. If you want to thank someone, just say thank you. If you don't fully, 100% mean your compliment, and it's just a way around saying thanks, I'd honestly rather not hear it at all.

Is that weird? Does anyone else feel that way?

I sometimes don't like being complimented when the person is just being nice.

I'm a bit older than you, you young whippersnapper ...

So I'll come right out and tell ya ...
To me, yes, that is weird.

When someone says, "You're the best!"
they generally do mean it ... maybe not 100% literally, but quite possibly 100% figuratively.
And that counts for a lot too.
It's a really nice compliment.
So the proper response is,
"Thank you."

(I also hear that Millennials tend to say "No problem" instead of "thank you."
To me, the whole "No problem" thing is what's weird, but that's another story ... )

Anyways, maybe you have a problem believing you deserve a compliment?
Because ... you work as a customer service rep on the phone, right?
That's a tough job, and plenty of people stink at it.
People tell stories about bad customer service reps all the time,
(whether or not the customer service rep is at fault or not)
and are quick to even inappropriately yell at or be rude on the phone to the service rep.
So to me, the fact that people are saying you're the best
means that you must be doing a really good job.

So yeah, enjoy the compliment
and say "Thanks!"

I've been noticing recently that I have a strange way of reacting to compliments. Usually when I get one, it's from someone I don't know (like the people I help over the phone). They'll say something like, "You're the best!" and I'll find myself rolling my eyes. I've always felt like compliments aren't something you should throw out lightly. If you want to thank someone, just say thank you. If you don't fully, 100% mean your compliment, and it's just a way around saying thanks, I'd honestly rather not hear it at all.

Is that weird? Does anyone else feel that way?

usually, if it is a stranger saying something, i try as hard as i can to ignore and passive aggressively tolerate, as much as i can. just b/c i do not like something, does not necessarily follow it is justified for me to point it out. especially since you do not know who has a mental illness or a gun, et cetera.

quite frankly, i find almost everyone i have ever interacted with way too judgmental. positive judgments are just as judgmental as negative ones. inherent in the judgment, is the expectation that the recipient somehow needs or wants the speaker's acceptance or approval. likewise, compliments imply that the speaker's opinion is so important, that he/she has a moral duty to make a public service announcement of it. when not properly phrased, or used excessively, i find some compliments extremely condescending.

for example, the former licensed clinical social worker had the nerve to tell me "i know you're smart,"

and she told me in that syrupy, kindergarten teacher voice. but i was 33 years old and it got on my nerves that she expected me to believe whatever she told me. besides, she was not much smarter or more educated than me.

furthermore, i could not imagine her telling a coworker or superior that.

and then she had the nerve to tell me that i was "important", & then she interrupted what i was saying and squeaked "what?".

she had a big ego, and she did not treat me like i was "smart" or "important." granted, maybe i am not smart or important. (fine). but "actions speak louder than words."

she made me want to puke.

especially since she had the nerve to tell me that someone that is "stupid" can't make use of any classes @ the school. but the school is a community college. the school is not a medical school. the school is not an IQ test.

on the other hand, sometimes i also wonder if someone is quietly judging, or gossiping about me.

but that is off subject.


having said that, sometimes, i hate compliments even more than i hate insults.

likewise, unless someone is an instructor or work supervisor, i find it not appropriate for someone to give out criticism altogether, unless they have a very good reason. good reasons exist, but almost everyone thinks they have one. almost nobody has one.

and the compliment has to be specific, something within your control, and sound genuine. "you're the best" is too vague. what is the best is just someone's opinion.

also, i would be cautious around wasting too much time around someone gushing with compliments. b/c i could just imagine what would happen when you do something they do not like. thus far, in my "life", the ones that are liberal with the compliments are also extremely critical, when i do the slightest thing they do not like. and their egos are so large, that they truly believe that everything i do that they do not like, must be morally wrong.

for example, a couple months ago, i sat on a bench. a woman just asked a couple questions. after a couple minutes, she had the nerve to tell me "you're a good kid". of course, i was not going to waste energy trying to argue with her the definition of "good", or how she could claim to correctly assess my moral character in a single conversation. nor was i going to tell her that almost everyone i have ever interacted with, acts like everyone and everything is either completely good or completely bad. (dichotomous thinking). then they act like they are completely good. they act like they are perfect. (egocentrism). and they are so normal, statistically speaking. then they act like everyone just like them is also perfect. and everyone different (not cisgender or neurotypical) must be not only bad and wrong, but morally inferior and evil.

but those people (in my opinion only), are not worth the seconds and calories it takes to interact with them in a competition.



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in their defense, however, some people were raised to believe, or otherwise peer pressured to believe, that it is "helping" someone by giving out compliments. and they just do not know how to do it. they are just mistaken. they have good intentions.

and being mistaken is not an invention or a felony.

Compliments are funny things, they make me feel very awkward but I've perfected the response others around me provide when they themselves receive compliments: they downgrade it by making a lightly dismissive comment (with pleasant undertones) or otherwise act modest. That in itself does make the whole scenario some sort of word game without proper meaning. There's a marked difference between a true compliment with merit and backing than a random, offhand one.

they typically feel false in claim or patronizing(like flattery or insults, acknowledged as often not being intended to be), and even if sincere, to accept the compliment feels to agree with the claim... which feels shameless. the only way out without rudely ignoring the compliment seems to be in saying something to the effect of “that is not the case, but thank you anyway.”.

some have tried asking if it’s that hard to believe that such personal qualities have such merit, but realistically, the things complimented come naturally. they might as well compliment the innate ability to draw breath even if what they’re complimenting is something they cannot do naturally.

It depends on the compliment. There are some compliments I can handle decently and others I try to shrug off because I don't feel I deserve them.

I remember when I was younger and at school, I didn't know how to take compliments at all.

Once, during PE I had some new trainers, and walking past the girls doing their PE lesson a girl I knew said "I really like your trainers".
I really didn't know how to take people then, and also did not know about aspergers, and whenever a compliment was given I took it as an insult believe it or not. I for some reason took compliments as sarcasm I guess?

I swore at the girl, and she became quite upset. I did apologise for this after.

I've come to realise now most of the time when people give compliments, they are actually being nice, and even if they aren't and maybe are being sarcastic, it is them with the issue in that case, not me. I just say a "thank you" now, although I still don't really feel anything from a compliment.

When someone randomly compliments me, I'm not sure if just should thank them or compliment them back. Either way, it ends up really awkward...

When someone randomly compliments me, I'm not sure if just should thank them or compliment them back. Either way, it ends up really awkward...

if you compliment them back, it's like you did not mean it. but you were just returning the favor. lip service transaction.

likewise, unless someone does it in a specific way, some compliments are a bit condescending. positive judgments are just as judgmental as negative ones. some dude from class told me that i improved a lot in the most recent 2 years. but he was not the instructor. likewise he had no clue how many classes i had taken. and he might not even be that much better at the skill than me. so far be it from him to give out superficial little compliments.

having said that, he meant well. he did not do anything illegal or make an invention

I don't get any so i dont know but I'd probably not believe them

Depends. If it's a compliment about me as a person, I'll brush it off and quickly change the subject. If it's a compliment about something I have or do, I'll try to talk about it a bit since it's a fair assumption that if they're complimenting it they find it of interest.