I hate my life I want to die

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HungryChef
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11 Apr 2017, 6:20 am

I don't know how to articulate myself, allot has happened to me since childhood until now.
I have been betrayed so many times, I am still naive and stupid. I just can't tell when someone has an agenda and using me. I have been hurt be friends, family, co workers.

I hate my life I want to die. Although I had many attempts, I keep on living. I'm tired of getting hurt, being judged, treated like an idiot. I cry in public, I can't control my emotions, I feel this rage, it's driving me crazy.

This world is my prison. I'm so ALONE!! !! I have 0 friends.

I don't know what to do or where to go. I just can't function anymore, although I have a degree, I am now homeless and unemployed ( I lost my job so many times or I quit because of abuse and bullying). I can never fit in, never respected, never belong like others. Always outcast and trouble maker although I'm innocent (why do I get the blame? Why does this keep happening to me?)

WHY? please somebody tell me WHY?



Sarahsmith
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11 Apr 2017, 8:24 am

My guess by the way you're talking you're still a young adult. Sometimes just being a young person is the problem. Which is unfortunate because people should be able to enjoy their youth. Maybe in time youll get to the point you dont care anymore. Maybe not giving a s**t is your ticket to inner peace. People tend to become less anxiouse with age so hang in there. There are countless other people with the exact same problems as you.



shortfatbalduglyman
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11 Apr 2017, 9:24 pm

get a psychologist. if you do not have insurance, go to a community health clinic and ask them about where to get psychological counseling.



ElabR8Aspie
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12 Apr 2017, 4:16 am

Beat to your own drum and back yourself.

Understand what you can stomach and what you can't.

Don't beat yourself up,live your life on your terms and how you want to live it.

Stay positive,don't be a slave to negative emotions.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-stop- ... -emotions/


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 75 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." --Ralph Waldo Emerson


Jacoby
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12 Apr 2017, 12:13 pm

I don't have any good advice but you're not alone in feeling this way if you can take any comfort in that, it's tough and it doesn't seem to get better a lot of the time. I just want to be happy and not humiliated by my life, I work hard every day at trying to be better and to change. I don't think anybody is happy in isolation, people need other people in order to be happy and that's the hardest part for many of us on the spectrum.



HungryChef
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12 Apr 2017, 5:15 pm

Thank you all for your encouraging and kind words. I have managed to get support, and started therapy.

It's been very difficult for me, I just don't fit in this world always felt like an outsider, no matter how hard I try, I keep on failing and it always revolves around people. I'm either ignored, taken advantage of, bullied or being accused of insanity.

I just feel like an empty shell, all my dreams are dashed and after all this hard work I put into my life ( studies/career) and trying to make friends and fit in. I'm left with nothing but a broken heart and despair and feel like I'm trapped in this shallow, exploitative and prejudice world.

My perception is very naive and innocent, I can't grow thick skin and I can't spot good people from bad. I usually fall pray for the latter. And people always think I'm manipulative, strange, crazy and deceitful and all of those things which don't represent me at all.

Moving on, thank you all. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. I feel the love.