Surely I've done something terrible... but I haven't.

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So for about a year, I'd completely forgotten the fact that I'm on the autistic spectrum. (I've been away from this forum for longer, not sure how much longer though, just suddenly remembered about the site when I remembered what I had.)

Lately (basically steadily worsening since the start of 2017) I've been getting extremely depressed, and doing some really stupid stuff.

Suddenly became aware that hey, I do have this problem again today, and it actually made me feel a lot better remembering that, and I started thinking objectively about where I'm going wrong again.

So I came up with this. I think this is my biggest problem at the moment: I often feel like I've done something bad, or upset someone, but in actuality, 99% of the time I haven't done anything wrong at all.

If I have done something wrong and it's immediately clear then it's not a problem, I apologise and everyone moves on.

When it's a problem is when I don't know if I've done something bad, or I don't know if other people think I have, and I have no way of knowing without asking people or otherwise bringing up the subject. If I do say something about it and they indicate they weren't offended / didn't notice anything wrong / etc. then the next thought is always is that true, or are they just trying not to upset me? I know that 99% of the time, it is true, but I cannot shake the feeling that there is something wrong that is hidden. I start to feel awful, I feel terrible for whatever I think I've done, and I try to think of a way to put it right... of course I'm looking for a solution to a problem that doesn't exist, so whatever I do makes things worse.

Sometimes I decide the best course of action is just to completely take myself out of the situation, if it's on the internet just exit out of all my chats, try to play a game or something, but then I just feel like everyone will think it's very odd how I suddenly disappeared, and I get all terrified over people thinking that. Usually if I do try to play a game, I can't concentrate on it, and almost always the only answer to what I call the "spiral of depression" that I enter is to go to bed, often it seems only sleeping will get me out of it.

Does anyone else get this? What do you do to get over it, or avoid it? I've gotten fairly good at being aware of the problem when it happens and consciously telling myself I'm making crap up and need to get rid of the thought that I've messed up: but the worrying and fear doesn't go away; how can you get this feeling to go away and save the situation?

edit: In a way, posting this has been a minor example of this exact problem. About an hour after I posted it, just while playing a game, I suddenly thought that I'd been rather abrupt/direct, coming to a forum I haven't posted on for over a year and don't know anyone on, basically dumping out my thoughts and asking a question, it got me feeling like I'd been rather rude in this post... yet I don't see how it could be, as asking for help with your problems is exactly what this forum is for. In this instance it's really not that much of an issue, and certainly doesn't compare to when I really get worked up about this stuff... but my cheeks have been pretty hot the last hour from thinking about it when really there's no need to.

Nope. You haven't.

This is what this Forum is for, basically. It's a "support forum."

As long as you tell us it's a rant, then it will be noted as a rant---and respected as such.

Everybody "dumps their problems" here. It's the ballgame here.