An interest of mine is frequently trivialized and belittled

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BeaArthur
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04 Aug 2018, 2:04 pm

You had better get over this, because it is never going to change.

If someone hires you to improve their writing, or asks you to proofread something, then your grammar advice is valued.

All the rest of the time, it's unsolicited advice and often, in fact, interferes with the other party's attempt to communicate something. It may derail their thread or their discussion. And it makes you look like you think yourself superior, whether or not you do think that.

So stop correcting people's grammar. Doing the same thing over and over (unsolicited "helping") and expecting to get a different result (appreciation instead of belittling) is the definition of insanity. Learn from experience.

My post is, admittedly, unsolicited advice. How does that feel?


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Sweetleaf
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04 Aug 2018, 3:47 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
As you can tell from my username, I enjoy grammar and English in general. I used to have a real problem correcting people’s grammar, but I’ve gotten better at that. But I still sometimes correct people in online chat servers if they make the same mistake all the time. As you may guess, this rarely goes over well.

My sadness about this is twofold: First, I don’t understand why so many people hate being corrected. I’ve read theories about this, like it reduces people’s social status in others’ eyes, or it makes them feel stupid. I just never understood this. If I’m corrected about something, I’m glad, because it means I learned something and I can put it to use and not seem ignorant about that particular thing again. But nobody else seems to share this view. They just want to remain clueless about what is proper English.

And that leads me to my second problem: People tell me that grammar isn’t important and it doesn’t matter how they write something as long as others understand. When I correct people, they think I’m trying to sound smart, which isn’t the case at all. I just want to help them learn something. And I don’t know how to respond to this. Maybe it’s not important? Maybe I should just try to let it go and let people be ignorant as long as other people know what they’re writing about? But this passion, this skill I have, it’s one of the few things that brings me joy. I love copy-editing papers, but to be repeatedly told that grammar is useless is like a dagger to my heart. It really hurts.

I just want to help people...



Well it can be frustrating if someone interrupts you to correct you, if you must, than at least wait till they finish speaking. But yeah if someone has a point they are trying to make and you interrupt them because they said 'me and my friend went to the store' or whatever instead of 'my friend and I' which is technically correct. A good majority of people say me and them not them and I, they probably won't be happy about it and are unlikely to change their ways.

So also think about how important it is, is it something worth correcting? Or is it one of those 'technincal' rules that most people don't follow especially in informal settings, like if they are just hanging out. I mean I sometimes say words wrong or use the wrong word if theres another very simular word. So I don't mind if someone corrects that(since that certainly could cause confusion), but I certainly prefer if they wait till I finish what I am trying to say.

Now if someone wants to correct me for saying 'me and my boyfriend' or sometimes saying cause instead of because or little nuance things like that than yeah I would be annoyed at someone trying to correct me. I am not going to start saying '(insert person) and I', I never hear anyone say that so I would certainly feel out of place using that wording.

But also sometimes people might have reasons like a speech impairment that affects how they talk, so in that case it can be hurtful to correct them. Like if someone has a lisp and you correct them everytime it causes them to prolong a sss sound or whatever that could be hurtful to that person since they can't help it and they'd probably feel you are making fun of them.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 04 Aug 2018, 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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04 Aug 2018, 4:14 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
It happened again. I was in a chat server that I frequently use, and somebody posted a news article that had “everyday” in the subhead where it should’ve been “every day.” I pointed it out, and a guy said “I know you say you don’t do this to be smug, but situations like this make it highly dubious.” I didn’t even correct a person there; I just corrected an article that was linked. I pointed it out because it’s a professional news outlet and should be better than that. I’m really not trying to be smug; I just want people to be aware of what’s correct so they don’t screw it up. They may say they don’t care, but there will be times where their grammar is important. I want to help people, and I get insulted in return. I’m unhappy.


Well they didn't even write the article, so you were essentially being nit-picky and correcting them for something they didn't even write. I mean what did your comment have to do with the content of the article? If you pick out a little mistake to focus on instead of looking at the bigger topic its going to be off putting to people.

I mean what if you were telling someone about something you found really interesting, mispronounced something.
Then instead of responding to anything you just said they just say 'you said that word wrong' then wouldn't you feel a little insulted they didn't pay attention to anything you said, but just focused on a little mistake.

Time and place is important, and in this case it may have been better to post something in response to what the article was about. Then as a side note mentioned that the article title had an error. But yeah if you didn't even respond to the topic at hand and simply posted a comment pointing out the error, I can see why that person had the impression you are being smug.


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BeaArthur
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04 Aug 2018, 4:31 pm

This is the type of arrant pedantry, up with which I will not put.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Aug 2018, 4:43 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
This is the type of arrant pedantry, up with which I will not put.


That hurts my brain, even though I can figure out what it says.


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kraftiekortie
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04 Aug 2018, 4:59 pm

I wonder how the cougar feels about all this.....



Grammar Geek
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04 Aug 2018, 5:28 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
It happened again. I was in a chat server that I frequently use, and somebody posted a news article that had “everyday” in the subhead where it should’ve been “every day.” I pointed it out, and a guy said “I know you say you don’t do this to be smug, but situations like this make it highly dubious.” I didn’t even correct a person there; I just corrected an article that was linked. I pointed it out because it’s a professional news outlet and should be better than that. I’m really not trying to be smug; I just want people to be aware of what’s correct so they don’t screw it up. They may say they don’t care, but there will be times where their grammar is important. I want to help people, and I get insulted in return. I’m unhappy.


Well they didn't even write the article, so you were essentially being nit-picky and correcting them for something they didn't even write. I mean what did your comment have to do with the content of the article? If you pick out a little mistake to focus on instead of looking at the bigger topic its going to be off putting to people.

I mean what if you were telling someone about something you found really interesting, mispronounced something.
Then instead of responding to anything you just said they just say 'you said that word wrong' then wouldn't you feel a little insulted they didn't pay attention to anything you said, but just focused on a little mistake.

Time and place is important, and in this case it may have been better to post something in response to what the article was about. Then as a side note mentioned that the article title had an error. But yeah if you didn't even respond to the topic at hand and simply posted a comment pointing out the error, I can see why that person had the impression you are being smug.


Regarding someone saying I said a word wrong instead of responding to what I was saying, I would be thankful for that, because I would have learned something new. This is what I don’t understand about other people who get offended by this stuff. I guess I just need to accept that I see things in a different way than they do.

But about responding to the topic at hand before making a correction, that’s a really good idea. Thank you for that suggestion.



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04 Aug 2018, 5:43 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wonder how the cougar feels about all this....


"I spy a yummy autistic human obsessing about non-essential stuff instead of what really matters in life. Let's pounce on him while he makes a dissertation on whether to call me a cougar or a puma."


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nick007
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17 Aug 2018, 11:40 pm

There's a saying that goes Pick Your Battles. Is it really more important to correct someone's grammar than it is to talk about the point the person is trying to say :?:


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renaeden
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18 Aug 2018, 3:26 am

My sister teaches her kids at home. Home schooling, that's right. Anyway, she posts a lot on Facebook. After tiring of seeing her use apostrophes for plural items, I corrected her once. She told me to F off. I brought up the fact that she does home schooling and should therefore know better. She deleted her account.

After that, my mum urged me to apologise to my sister. So I did, over the phone. Phoning people is not my thing but I did this. She grudgingly accepted my apology and resurrected her Facebook account. She still makes very obvious mistakes but I keep quiet and slowly die inside, heh.

I guess there's a time and place for correcting people's grammar. For me that wasn't it.