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elsapelsa
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28 Aug 2018, 1:59 pm

hurtloam wrote:
elsapelsa wrote:

Be someone who takes care of yourself and who is self sufficient and who can be the master of your own happiness and fulfilment. Then it will be clear what you really want from a partner. Then you will also be more attractive to a partner because they will know you are choosing them specifically for who they are and for what they can contribute to you as opposed to just to fulfil a need.

.... and for the relentless "women want money, fame and glory" men out there... when I write contribute I don't mean wealth, a certain job or certain material assets. I mean qualities (such as patience, passion, interests, and intellect.)


I've been doing that for years and no one has turned up.


I am sorry.

Can you start a new hobby where you might meet some new and interesting people?

I did lots of scuba diving and most of my dives where wreck dives. It was a very heavily male sport and great way to meet people.

Diving might not be your thing but something similar where you get some fresh people to hang out with who you share an interest with? My diving was in Norway - it was amazing - sure it must be pretty awesome in Iceland too.

If that doesn't appeal, how about a language course?

Diving is pretty good though as you often spend some time going out on the boat to the location, and then have blissful silent time under the water. I found it a really good way to meet people, whether they become friends or potential partners.


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hurtloam
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28 Aug 2018, 2:04 pm

elsapelsa wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
elsapelsa wrote:

Be someone who takes care of yourself and who is self sufficient and who can be the master of your own happiness and fulfilment. Then it will be clear what you really want from a partner. Then you will also be more attractive to a partner because they will know you are choosing them specifically for who they are and for what they can contribute to you as opposed to just to fulfil a need.

.... and for the relentless "women want money, fame and glory" men out there... when I write contribute I don't mean wealth, a certain job or certain material assets. I mean qualities (such as patience, passion, interests, and intellect.)


I've been doing that for years and no one has turned up.


I am sorry.

Can you start a new hobby where you might meet some new and interesting people?

I did lots of scuba diving and most of my dives where wreck dives. It was a very heavily male sport and great way to meet people.

Diving might not be your thing but something similar where you get some fresh people to hang out with who you share an interest with? My diving was in Norway - it was amazing - sure it must be pretty awesome in Iceland too.

If that doesn't appeal, how about a language course?

Diving is pretty good though as you often spend some time going out on the boat to the location, and then have blissful silent time under the water. I found it a really good way to meet people, whether they become friends or potential partners.


Oh my goodness diving in Norway sounds amazing! I'm in the UK. I just like the volcano name.



elsapelsa
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28 Aug 2018, 2:17 pm

hurtloam wrote:
elsapelsa wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
elsapelsa wrote:

Be someone who takes care of yourself and who is self sufficient and who can be the master of your own happiness and fulfilment. Then it will be clear what you really want from a partner. Then you will also be more attractive to a partner because they will know you are choosing them specifically for who they are and for what they can contribute to you as opposed to just to fulfil a need.

.... and for the relentless "women want money, fame and glory" men out there... when I write contribute I don't mean wealth, a certain job or certain material assets. I mean qualities (such as patience, passion, interests, and intellect.)


I've been doing that for years and no one has turned up.


I am sorry.

Can you start a new hobby where you might meet some new and interesting people?

I did lots of scuba diving and most of my dives where wreck dives. It was a very heavily male sport and great way to meet people.

Diving might not be your thing but something similar where you get some fresh people to hang out with who you share an interest with? My diving was in Norway - it was amazing - sure it must be pretty awesome in Iceland too.

If that doesn't appeal, how about a language course?

Diving is pretty good though as you often spend some time going out on the boat to the location, and then have blissful silent time under the water. I found it a really good way to meet people, whether they become friends or potential partners.


Oh my goodness diving in Norway sounds amazing! I'm in the UK. I just like the volcano name.


Ok, this might prove more of a problem as diving in the uk is terrrible.

Scotland is good.

Either way, diving is a very good way to meet nice interesting men. If you start diving in the uk you could go on a diving holiday to Norway?


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SabbraCadabra
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28 Aug 2018, 5:03 pm

I want to go diving =(

I always dreamed of it when I would watch Flipper as a kid.

I'm sure they must have classes or something for it around here. Lake Michigan has plenty of shipwrecks.

But I know I would be content to just swim around, play in the sand, and not have to constantly go back up for air.


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elsapelsa
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29 Aug 2018, 12:52 am

One more idea, climbing. You do an introductory course and then after that you need to go with someone so they can b-lay you and you them. Usually they have lists of people wanting to meet others to climb with at climbing centres, or there might be someone on the course who you can start going with. After your climb you can pop to the cafe. This is a good non date scenario way of meeting new people. Climbing centres, in my experience, have a really nice friendly atmosphere.

....and if it doesn't work out well at least you will get sensational looking arms. Think Sarah Connor in terminator two. :lol:

So the basic idea is.... going out with a group can be detrimental to meeting people. Get out there by yourself, without any friends, try a few new hobbies and see if that yields any results.


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hurtloam
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29 Aug 2018, 7:31 am

Spiderpig wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm just so hurt. Not so much by him. If he has no feelings for me then fine. But it just seems that no one ever likes me and that hurts so much. Why am I sub standard?

I had a dream last night that I met him and he was going out with someone prettier than me. I feel rotten today.


Do you think he's spending a comparable amount of his time thinking of you, even in dreams? I'm sure you have much better things to devote yours to.

So he's going out with someone prettier than you? There must be a lot of men out there who'd like to help you get over him. They may be more substandard than you, though.


I forgot to reply to this. I don't know if he's seeing anyone. It was only a dream.

You're right. He's not worth my time. I'm feeling less infatuated as time goes on. I don't feel like it's a loss anymore. I just feel like my time was wasted. And I feel angry tgat I was messed about. I got treated like I mattered one moment and dropped like a hot potato the next.

I has a weird dream last night that I married one of my other friends.



hurtloam
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29 Aug 2018, 1:30 pm

I'm so angry. I feel like I was made a fool of. I thought I meant something ... I genuinely did, but I was delude, I was a nothing.



SabbraCadabra
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29 Aug 2018, 4:02 pm

Just keep cool O_O


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29 Aug 2018, 5:25 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.


It's not a race but hurtloam is not immortal either. She is not a teen and she's not getting any younger, so her concern is justified.
This is astounding negativity, I'm shocked slightly by how negative everybody has been.

Being realist is fine, not seeing everything as perfect, manageable or salvageable is alright too, but to begin to concern yourself in and around year 30 (which, in my opinion, is still pretty young) is rather tough.

I mean, I understand and appreciate the concern. I can't tell people how to think, and I agree that there has to be a realistic layer atop everything we do as we age, but it's like I said prior; desperation will only lead to greater suffering. I know this from experience and if nothing else I say rings true, I think this is the key thing to take to heart.



hurtloam
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29 Aug 2018, 8:57 pm

Mythos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.


It's not a race but hurtloam is not immortal either. She is not a teen and she's not getting any younger, so her concern is justified.
This is astounding negativity, I'm shocked slightly by how negative everybody has been.

Being realist is fine, not seeing everything as perfect, manageable or salvageable is alright too, but to begin to concern yourself in and around year 30 (which, in my opinion, is still pretty young) is rather tough.

I mean, I understand and appreciate the concern. I can't tell people how to think, and I agree that there has to be a realistic layer atop everything we do as we age, but it's like I said prior; desperation will only lead to greater suffering. I know this from experience and if nothing else I say rings true, I think this is the key thing to take to heart.


I'm not around year 30. I'm 36. Closer to 40. I can see how my face has aged in the mirror. I'm getting grey hair. It's more difficult to lose weight now. It doesn't help that I keep meeting younger guys than me which makes me feel old.

My health has gone downhill in the past year. I'm seeing a Dr about it, but not getting anywhere, so I'm not actually well enough to go diving or climbing. I'm not young anymore. I'm exhausted. I find learning new things difficult. I'm not as sharp as i used to be. I'm not as thin as I used to be. Body parts are starting to become affected by gravity. My skin is starting to sag.

It's just the cusp of aging, but I'm definitely older.

Faceofboo wasn't being negative. He's the same age and understands.



sly279
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29 Aug 2018, 9:21 pm

You’re still dateable though :)
Hope you find s nice guy



hurtloam
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30 Aug 2018, 1:44 am

I've never been saleable. No one wanted me when I was younger and more attractive. Why would anyone want me now im starting to show signs of aging. Ive never been this tubby.



kraftiekortie
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30 Aug 2018, 2:30 am

I like women who are slightly “tubby.”

I’m not really keen on the “model” types.

I know it’s frustrating, Hurtloam. It frustrates ME that you haven’t found love yet.



sly279
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30 Aug 2018, 3:18 am

hurtloam wrote:
I've never been saleable. No one wanted me when I was younger and more attractive. Why would anyone want me now im starting to show signs of aging. Ive never been this tubby.

I think you’ve been too shy in past, lots of guys probably wanted and still want you.youd likely get lots of interest on dating sites. You’re nice, quirky and pretty. I enjoy our talks, other guys will too.



SabbraCadabra
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30 Aug 2018, 5:16 am

hurtloam wrote:
I'm not around year 30. I'm 36. Closer to 40. I can see how my face has aged in the mirror. I'm getting grey hair.

I'm younger than you, and I've been grey for a long time @[email protected]

Hair can easily be dyed, though. My mom only recently stopped dying hers, probably around the time when she became an official grandma.

hurtloam wrote:
Ive never been this tubby.

British tubby is skinny compared to American tubby.


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elsapelsa
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30 Aug 2018, 1:25 pm

I am sorry about your health. Admittedly it is much easier to take up new sports in 20s rather than 30s or 40s but the basic principe I was trying to convey is that women often go out in groups, sometimes trying something new alone makes it easier to meet new people. That something new could be anything.

I am a couple of years older than you. I think when one is "up close and personal" with ones own body it is easy to dwell on the negatives. I think those same thoughts too but I know other people see me differently. Chances are it is the same with you.

Don't loose hope.


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