Panic attacks.

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I kind of feel like positive intentions are of help to me regardless of my uninformed, shy reactions to some of them. The overall amount of positivity in my life is vastly outweighed by others' demands on my skills & energy.

I was still too anxious to work through today, I just picked up my laptop & went home again. In that context, the tiniest things my friends do that they probably never think about are sometimes a big deal to me. I think this has caused me to place a far greater value on others' consideration lately.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

same here, though i react quite well, elaborately. i do tell them what they do for me, what it matters and how grateful i am. i also know, that certain ppl, people who had helped me many times over, have much much less impact if they accidently trip over a trigger (which happens from time to time, given the amount of rigs on me). and i told them that, too, btw.

I guess I haven't been quite as candid as you most days. I'm also not exactly sure I really have triggers, as it were, I do a lot to obscure the effects of this madness on my usual life. When something actually does bother me, unless I have an objection for other reasons then & there, I just let it build up into more freakout later, lest I bother someone else with my crazy nonsense.

I'm seeking some hypothetical balance between enough isolation to keep my 'baggage' from bothering good friends & being available enough not to wind up loosing my mind to that very same isolation.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

~ yeah.

I'm fortunate enough that a few people who do know me also know about that. It doesn't make decisions about it easier for any of us though, we're just somewhat more informed than others. I definitely owe them a more patient me, but that's still contingent on not totally disappearing.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

thats why u STILL dont join redshift?) (sorry for raising it all the time. but im very perpexed, u consent to join, and then u dont do that xD)

SO to the gist of ur post. u see, "not bothering" ppl is a strong instinct. or well dunno why. we try to hide it. like u said. pretend it doesnt happen. and that is WRONG! thats what friends are for. to help u with it. and its not what i say, its what my friends told me when they found the f**k out. they bear with it. they are being honest when its hard on them, too. so that i dont get paranoid and start hiding again. i still do get paranoid. and hide it from most ppl outside inner circle. i do lash out at ppl for triggers. as in, if u want to communicate with me u will NOT use (certain words) for example. no f***s given waht u feel about it. i am very literal that i should not be contacted directly unless i gave such a permission (as in, personal messages in games). i dont let them know how f****d i am, naturally. but not because "not bother" them, more like to well, not give them weapons against me. because explaining it all is pain of its own. etc. personal stuff, ya. here i am well, sharing the fact but not specifics. my friends however know both what to avoid in detail, and even why, in some cases. crazy? well i am tired, like f*****g hell, to pretend normal. it nearly killed me. literally. please dont go down that lane...

please forgive me. but maybe its not to drama, just well some habitual joke a person is making? allowing that, is one of ways of gratification... i mean, i understand why it can sting, and i also had not heard it, and can have no idea exactly how packed it is... but maybe just maybe well... some ppl do have a tendency to express acceptance in unusual forms...

There's a cat photo link in this thread from a free image host that's jumped up in my anti-malware scanner, mods please delete the cat.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

isabella, this sounds like that person is not ur friend, is not understanding u, and does not want to. tho, i do receive such behaviour, and they rationalize it with "we need u to get up, get going and know u can". as in make me spend energy i dont have so that i "knew i could". (skipping all the bitching about why i hate that, btcause u just dont need explanations xD). been like that my entire life, ya. its not an excuse. its outright abuse.
cberg, invisible viral cats attack? (i assume it was just deleted before i arrived)

serpentari
When we chat online she says she understands, but she clearly doesn't. Any time that I don't have the energy or stamina to see her she gets very sarcastic.

I despise talking on the telephone and would rather never use one, but she is sarcastic about that too. She said I should have to accommodate her preference for phone calls, instead of her accommodating my desire to chat online via Facebook and text.

She doesn't have panic attacks, depression, insomnia, social phobia, agoraphobia, mutism or autism like I do but she still expects me to keep up with her pace and adapt. She likes to plan our visits far in advance but then I nearly always cancel. She's an overachiever NT and I certainly can't keep up. She says she has PTSD but it clearly doesn't present like mine, because she is always energised.

Do I say "I don't want to be your friend any more?" or just fade away? I'm not interested in drama or any more sarcasm from her, either way.

sounds just like my mother. i have been going thru this my entire life. they can say whatever but they dont and dont want to understand. i'd say wait till another instance of "adapt to me" and brush off. violently. thats what i did when it just got too much (after 30 years enduring that, mind u). they LOVE talking about their feelings but never listen or read when u tell them about urs. and there will be more of that before she leaves u alone. fading away on ANYBODY feels wrong to me. but thats just me. i allways make myself very clear on my stance and intention to whoever i am in contact with. very often they dont bother listening. but my consciousness is clean on that part xd

Is it insensitive to ask people what they have PTSD for? I feel like thats a big no no.

No offense to anyone! But I feel like (from my position as a college kid surrounded by immature young adults) PTSD and panic attacks are starting to be used like OCD and ADHD in conversation. Ya know, "Sorry Im being so OCD right now" or "Sit still will you dont be so ADHD" etc etc. People use all sorts of those things in casual conversation and Ive definitely heard things like "It like gave me PTSD" or "I practically had a panic attack!" several times before.
Technically you can now officially be diagnosed with PTSD after only HEARING a traumatic story. I seriously dont want to offend anyone who has it.....but that seems silly. I mean, I feel like the ease at which you can be slapped with that label takes away from the people who actually DID suffer something seriously traumatizing.
And there are certainly times when people have suffered a "traumatizing event" (depending on how you define that) and are simply shaken for a period but DONT actually have PTSD. (I mean come on, most people can probably tell you some terrible tale from their past about some traumatic thing that happened and they're perfectly fine now. I know I could)

Well anybody can act like they're ok.

It's more like I prefer not troubling you with the details because that wouldn't ordinarily help anyone. It's not really a big deal where I'm concerned because everyone's inquisitive.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

graceksjp,
I have to be honest and say that your comment upset and offended me. I felt that you were trivialising the trauma that many people have legitimately endured and comparing it to a modern and over-exaggerated fad. I had to read your post several times to calm myself down from what might have become an ugly response. I feel better now and I realise you were asking a legitimate question. Sorry for almost losing my mind.

I don't know if you are asking whether it's polite to ask us (on the thread) why we have PTSD or whether it's polite to ask people in your general acquaintance.

Here is a link to some info on Complex PTSD which is a result of prolonged exposure to terrifying, debilitating and humiliating treatment at the hands of a person with total power. You can google for other links if you'd like. This was the first article I found. I didn't want to search for more because it gives me flashbacks just to read the information.

My own PTSD is from seven years in captivity with someone later identified and incarcerated as being a psychopath. I prefer not to detail what happened during that time, save to say I was a victim of psychosexual abuse, identity theft, manipulation, extortion and attempted murder. I have been in recovery for almost ten years and I still require near daily intervention by medication or therapy. I also have a service dog for PTSD.

CPTSD

You'll notice that CPTSD is almost invariably incurable and it affects all aspects of the person's self-identity. Having ASD in addition to CPTSD, followed by a stroke, has left me very traumatised and having difficulty trusting people. That's why I flipped when I first read your message.

I know you are very bright and compassionate and that you meant no harm, so I hope the article helps.

I can't speak for the others on this thread, but I wanted to speak for myself to negate any false stereotypes about true incidences of CPTSD.

Is