I lost my gf be I am not convert in to chrichanity.

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No doubt. At least 2 millennia longer.

Back to the topic...

I’ve often seen what is commonly called “Missionary Dating”, wherein Christian girls will date a guy just to convert him, and then dump him once he converts. I don’t know if these girls were just rebelling against their parents by dating a non-Christian (and then dumping him when his conversion meant she could no longer be a rebel), or if they actually though that they were doing the church a favor by bringing so many young men into the fold.

I've actually wondered if that was what my ex did. I know a peer of mine mentioned it.

^ honey trap radicalisation

Dating and marrying nonbelievers was highly frowned upon in my church. If you happened to marry a nonbeliever, elders would strongly urge you to try to convert him or her.

Elders were pushing me to convert the man I married (they would’ve done the same if they knew that I had been dating him). I was supposed to win him over by my “good conduct.” I was basically supposed to be a good, obedient wife that was walked all over and was willing to put up with any sort of treatment. The idea was that after conversion he’d magically become a good person. That type of thinking was so prevalent and was talked about constantly! My situation wasn’t unique in any way.

The reality I notice is many times they get even worse. I assume because they think repentance is some get out of hell free pass or something or they are influenced by those in church in some way.

I have never met a devoutly religious Christian that I could fully trust. I notice how much they are into in their faith is inversely proportional to how much you can trust them.

That’s a mighty broad brush you’re painting with. Are you sure you can continue to hold it up?

They do get worse because they can find ways to manipulate the system and use it against you.

One can easily use the Bible to justify controlling behavior.

Christianity can be really good for people.

But controlling, manipulative people are pretty good at working any system in their favor.

I grew up in an evangelical Christian household. The vast majority of them, my family included, could qualify as being sociopaths or psychopaths/narcissism. (As in I actually checked what the signs were for psychopathy/sociopathy/narcissism and those situations match.)

The nicest, kindest Christians I've met have ALWAYS been the ones most shaky about their faith or the ones who knew the least Bible verses. They constantly questioned their faith and when I was a Christian, I felt really bad for them, as my own faith had been constantly questioned.

The best, kindest pastors I knew were always the ones people tried to expose as being "apostates". They were hated because they didn't "really preach the Bible" but preached tolerance and forgiveness.

And the most devout pastors that no one questioned were also the first ones to tell you you're going to Hell for playing Pokemon.

I think I can hold up that brush pretty well when they do the job for me.

Last edited by Harpuia on 02 Jun 2019, 11:06 am, edited 2 times in total.

Then they are not Christians. Christians are to use the Scripture to direct their own lives first. As Christians, we are directed to be supportive of others; but that does not mean that we should lie and tell those who are ruining their lives that they are on the right track. I’ve dealt a lot with non-believers who blame Christians for everything, yet who refuse to grow up and admit that They caused most of their problems by acting in distinctly non-Christian ways.

Calling Christians vile and hypocritical when you practice hatred, racism and sexism, no matter how slight, is an act of blatant hypocrisy in itself.

Sorry, I know you mean well but, you're really gonna use the "no true Scotsman" fallacy?

I think it’s really complicated for those of us who have had such negative religious experiences.

There often seems to be stages of healing one must go through to get through spiritual abuse, including a time of anger which can seem distasteful and be difficult for others to understand and deal with.

This isn’t really what you’re talking about. I’m just thinking aloud, I guess.

It’s also hard for people to know which parts of the Bible they are going to follow. A lot of problems stem from that.

[color=black]No. The standards of behavior for a “True Scorman” are subjective and depend on who’s talking. The standards for a “True Christian” are written down, and should always glorify God. If instead their applications glorify the State, a Ruler, or the speaker, then they are being mis-applied and the person is not a reflection of the Christ — not a “True Christian”. Especially when the Scriptures are being twisted to justify criminal activity, oppression, slavery, or any other sinful acts.

The holy book has contradictory passages. "Christians" can choose which passages to emphasize and justify their behavior based on that. There's a reason there's like 30 different Christian sects with different belief structures and practices.

I'm not anti-Christian. Although I don't share the faith, I know many fine upstanding people that do, some of whom I consider good friends. I do not think however "True Christian Behavior" is universally defined.

In response to the OP:

It depends on whether this is a "serious" conversion or a "for-show" conversion. If you seen the movie "MY Big Fat Greek Wedding" that was a "for-show" conversion where the guy had to get baptized before the wedding but there was no expectation of him actually changing his beliefs and practices by the girl. If this is the case, you would have to decide for yourself whether you were comfortable going through with it or not, but I would not consider it a reasonable demand especially if she has family she needs to appease.

If it's a true "serious" conversion, walk away and don't look back. No one who loves you would force you to adopt a belief structure you don't share.