People stare at me in public

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IsabellaLinton
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13 Jun 2019, 7:57 am

I remember thinking my body wasn't really mine, and that it was just an "awkward suitcase" I had to lug around with my thoughts like an appendage, for the rest of my life. This was one of my first memories; I was about four. I felt like my thoughts were too big for my body and the body was alien, somehow, because I didn't want or need it.

Case in point: In Sunday School our teacher made us lie down on big sheets of butcher paper so she could trace our outline in crayon. We were supposed to colour our "selves" and make a display showing all the children in their real size. I had one of my first existential crises when I saw the outline of "me", because it appeared too small. I argued with my teacher and had a temper tantrum, saying there was no way that the whole "me" or my whole mind and consciousness could fit inside that small and finite shape. It was such a row that I quit Sunday School because of it.

Deep Thoughts? Yup, that's me. I didn't use words like consciousness, but that's what I meant and felt.

Like you, I also jump puddles, walk on curb sides, attempt to balance on tree stumps, etc. The world is so much fun when you see its points of interest. Unfortunately, society doesn't agree.



Mountain Goat
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13 Jun 2019, 8:11 am

Something I get which I can't explain. I get a slight feeling as if I'm on the fringes of having cramp right between the centre of my chest in line with my arms. It is not my heart. It is as if my arms are not quite connected? No idea how to describe it.
I also am clumsy and don't co-ordinate my body that well and appear drunk when I am on the fringes of energy loss (Partial shutdown? Whatever it is!) Walking straight and my balance is effected. Mostly balance. If I am cycling when this happens, I feel like I'm clinging onto the bike rather then riding it. Usually I find a ditch or somewhere out of the way in which I can get out of the way to recover.


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Trogluddite
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13 Jun 2019, 9:27 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Deep Thoughts? Yup, that's me. I didn't use words like consciousness, but that's what I meant and felt.

During my tweens, when some of my peers were attempting to appear intellectual by regurgitating Descartes and Satre at people, I was quite surprised to discover that solipsism had a name and wasn't something that had niggled at them for years whenever they couldn't sleep at night! :lol:


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Joe90
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13 Jun 2019, 3:19 pm

I don't get treated like I'm a threat in public. I never get followed by security guards or policemen, and parents seem happy to put their young kids near me or even sit their kids next to me on the bus, which winds me up for some reason. So I definitely don't look like a potential murderer. But people still stare, probably to just judge because maybe they haven't got lives of their own and they're more interested in pointing and laughing at a relatively normal-looking human being going about her daily business than moving on with their own lives. :roll:


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