Feeling Trapped, Don't Know How To Move Forward

Post Reply New Topic

It's tough, because I know I have greater potential than I'm using at my min wage job, but I don't know how to figure out my next career move, and I also don't know where to get help with that. I don't want to be stuck at minimum wage forever and I know I can do better.

My future housing situation is tough too. My mum is quite happy for me to continue living at home as long as I like, but I really would like more space for myself as the unit we're living in right now is quite small. Plans to potentially move out with my brother and a friend have been quashed, as we realised that I'm not going to be a compatible roommate for two reasons, the first of which being that they're likely to want to have people over to the house more often than I would want, and they don't see giving reasonable notice when having someone over to be a necessary thing like I do, as I would feel uncomfortable getting home from work and having people other than my roommates in the house, especially if I'm not expecting it.

The second reason is that I would be bothered if they wanted to bring women they're romantically or sexually involved with over to the house, as it would serve as a reminder that I'm not good enough for that kind of thing to happen for me, and I understand that barring them from doing that would be beyond reasonable, especially when I'd do it if I got the chance.

The second reason also probably means that I won't be a compatible roommate with anyone, so that means if I am to move out, I'd have to do it alone, but there are no affordable places close enough to my work for me to ride my bike there in the morning, and the busses don't run as early as I start work.

I'm considering getting my learner's permit and learning to drive, but first I'm going to talk to my optometrist about my vision and how it will affect my driving to ensure both that I can drive, and if I can, that I'll likely be able to do so for a reasonable amount of time before I'll have to worry about my vision declining to where it's no longer viable.

I wish I had more direction and knew how to get from point A to point B with my living and employment situations.

At least I'm actually losing weight now. I've lost 30 pounds since July.

From being in a similar but different situation, further education could be the best way forward, though I am unfamiliar with the Australian education system. I know if I had more abilities in the area I would consider software/IT.

For ideas, on the Australian version of Specialisterne they list a few companies and government depts that have a history of employing educated people on the spectrum. I think its important that if a person on the spectrum commits to an area of study that it will lead to employment in a sustainable area.
http://au.specialisterne.com/success-stories/

There are online courses you could take, thats the route Im hoping might work for me, as the costs are lower and I can continue working.

Yep....."further education" is the way to go.

This might seem like a stupid idea but Ive thought about doing it myself. You could make youtube videos and set up a paypal account to get donations from people who watch your videos. I think youtube pays people who get lots of viewers, for letting them put advertisements on their videos. Some people work a regular job while making money off youtube, others have youtube as their main source of income. Just a suggestion. You'd get to work from home.

Sorry you live in a small space. I know the feeling. I live in one room basically. I'd like to have my own apartment but can't afford one. I think you are lucky to live with your parents. I wish I could live with mine. So many people that are adults are living with their parents now, because the cost of living is so high. If you can get your license I wish you best of luck. Drive safe. Congrats on losing wieght!

Thanks for the suggestion. I checked out the site briefly but I'll look into It a bit more when I have more time. I've considered potentially doing something around IT, as I believe the requirements of it and my strengths may be somewhat complementary, and it's pretty unlikely that it'll be negatively affected by automation, but then drilling down into specifics like what I would actually choose to study/do is where it gets difficult.

kraftiekortie wrote:

Yep....."further education" is the way to go.

I think more likely than not, you're right. I just have a difficult time discerning what to study and making sure I'll be able to get a career out of it so it won't be a waste of time.

Sarahsmith wrote:

This might seem like a stupid idea but Ive thought about doing it myself. You could make youtube videos and set up a paypal account to get donations from people who watch your videos. I think youtube pays people who get lots of viewers, for letting them put advertisements on their videos. Some people work a regular job while making money off youtube, others have youtube as their main source of income. Just a suggestion. You'd get to work from home.

I think starting a successful YouTube channel is more difficult than that. Many people don't get much success at all on YouTube until years after they've started their channels and posted regular or semi-regular content. People also sometimes need to market their content, post it on forums, etc to get up a following. I was watching one guy on YouTube who said that when he was just starting out, he'd spend 9 or 10 times more time sharing his videos on forums and stuff as he would actually making the videos. You can't grow your channel if no one is watching.

Anyway if I were to make a YouTube channel, I'm not sure what I'd do with it.

Sarahsmith wrote:

Sorry you live in a small space. I know the feeling. I live in one room basically. I'd like to have my own apartment but can't afford one. I think you are lucky to live with your parents. I wish I could live with mine. So many people that are adults are living with their parents now, because the cost of living is so high. If you can get your license I wish you best of luck. Drive safe. Congrats on losing wieght!

Until I was 18, I never even had my own room, so this is an upgrade from then. I mean it's not terrible where I'm living (infinitely preferable to a group home or being with the wrong roommates imo) but the lack of space is a bit stifling in that I'd like to buy an electronic drum kit and start practising on it, but there's just no space for it. I'd also probably buy a pool table if I could, but again, no space for it.

I don't mind living at home, I guess the main issue for me is not really having an option to move out that I can exercise if I choose, or when I feel the time is right. If I had to live at home a couple more years, that'd be fine, but not having any sort of strategy lined up to move out is reason to be concerned that no such strategy will ever metastasize.

I saw my optometrist today and he basically said that so long as I'm wearing corrective lenses, vision shouldn't be a barrier to me learning to drive, which is good news. Honestly I don't know if I'll be able to end up driving, but I can at least get my learner's permit and try it out now with a driving instructor.

With the weight loss, I still have a fair way to go (60-80lbs) before I'm in the range I want to be in, but I'm losing weight at a rate of just a bit less than 2 pounds a week at the moment, which is about as ideal a rate as I could hope for.

You could set your expectations that Every Day someone is over and you'd have the pleasant surprise when they are not, and then have your quiet space and pride it that (I'd have to let the shame thoughts do there thing and go). I was in a roommate situation once and my Aspie-like roommate had absolutely Noone over Ever. Our more regular roommate didn't have anyone over that I recall - she always went out. In fact, I was the only one that had someone over (a 10-year-old friend) and that was off-putting for my roommate, but she dealt with it. When I looked at a different roommate situation, I was prepared to do what I first suggested. Teasing (sort of): Can't you just advertise or respond to one for an ASD roommate? (…"quiet"...)

What you suggested wouldnt work because there's still going to be an element of surprise about who I'm coming home to see. I have no desire to live like that and, given the choice, I'd take my current living situation

It's not totally about quiet, though I do prefer to have quiet most of the time. Having another person in the house who doesn't live there just changes the dynamic for me, and after getting home from work, their presencr makes me kinda feel like I cant really relax until they're gone, especially if I'm expected to have a conversation with them whether I feel like it or not.

I'm sure this first one could be worked around through negotiation. It's the other one that is the bigger problem.

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

[color=firebrick]The second reason is that I would be bothered if they wanted to bring women they're romantically or sexually involved with over to the house, as it would serve as a reminder that I'm not good enough for that kind of thing to happen for me, and I understand that barring them from doing that would be beyond reasonable, especially when I'd do it if I got the chance.

It would be unreasonable for me to expect others I live with not to bring their romantic partners around to the house while I would do just that if I got a romantic partner.

And I wouldn't want to move in with someone I don't know. Too much risk involved that I might end up with a sh***y roommate or someone that I can't get along with.[/color]

Well, if you have the higher-income job, perhaps there is more solitary-like affordable housing you could find and skip the whole roommate thing. Even with the lower-income job I'd think there is some somewhere, but I imagine it would be stressful (to find, to change), so if you are comfortable enough where you are, that's where you stay. (Thinking about my own work situation which is very *un*comfortable and yet comfortable "enough" that I continue to "live" there... for a little bit longer...)