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Steve1963
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23 Aug 2020, 2:36 pm

smudge wrote:
...Irrational emotions. You men aren't so rational. :P Haww haww!! !
I'd be the first to admit it! :lol:



AuroraBorealisGazer
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23 Aug 2020, 2:40 pm

smudge wrote:
...Irrational emotions. You men aren't so rational. :P Haww haww!! !


:lol: Definitely



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23 Aug 2020, 3:02 pm

Lol I was thinking the exact same thing earlier today and then wondering what can of worms was opened the day chaps started talking.


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23 Aug 2020, 3:07 pm

smudge wrote:
Move this to a different topic if you feel it's irrelevant, but isn't it interesting how much competition there is amongst a few of the men here to undermine each other?


I don't think it's off-topic or irrelevant, there are a few very territorial and belligerent guys here who go for the throat faced with the smallest disagreement or just different POV. If you cannot handle yourself or hold your own, you get trampled.

I haven't seen it that much amongst women posters, but I don't use the Women Forum and I know some of them find it "catty" (their word, not mine, please show mercy)


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Amity
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23 Aug 2020, 3:09 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.

So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place. :roll:

Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.

Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.

How horrible, I remember you speaking about your ex and gas lighting before... that childhood experience could have left you susceptible to the likes of him.

Do you think the teachers were trying to "train" you?


I do believe now they had a system for me but it didn't work because I never accepted double standards.

I found out that rules are enforced on special ed students so they are more behaved and more polite than NT kids. But I never accepted that because I wanted to be normal, that meant I wanted to be equal and treated like other kids. I did not want to be different. I wanted to be NORMAL.

I also think because I didn't look disabled and I looked too normal, they thought I was one of those kids so my parents always had to fight them to follow my IEP.

So how I got treated here triggered that memory in me and it was no different how other members were treating me.

I mean how hard is it to enforce rules on all students? :? It just comes off as laziness to me and it's easier to blame the student than doing their actual jobs. Even my therapist said this was a system problem, not a League Girl problem.


Was this before ABA?

Yeah double standards have always felt wrong to me on a deep level, I think that's another reason why I was disillusioned this morning, the double standard, the tiered system, it's just unacceptable.

As a kid I seen these double standards and fought against it, but I learned to accept them over time, like it was normal. I grew out of that in my teenage years, but realised that I had to pick my battles.


I was never given ABA (applied behavior analysis, assuming this is what you mean).

I fought against them too here and at my school. I also had to learn to accept them as well and realize some people will be allowed to get away with breaking rules because of some status hey have. I also found out mods don't like rule lawyering so they don't care what their rules state and their double standards.

I remember being in junior high and kids would act goofy and stuff and not do their school work but my mom told me I wouldn't be going to London if I do the same they do. I think my mom found a solution to my issue so it was less stressful for everyone. If I am rewarded, then there will be no behavior and no rule confusion because it's other kids who can't follow them and they get no reward. :lol:

I have no idea if this is an autism issue, I can remember reading when I was 15 that autistic children rely on rules and if they are broken, it can really confuse them. I can imagine a parent being pissed after they had been teaching their autistic child about boundaries and inappropriate touching and then an NT child does it around them and gets no consequence and now the autistic kid is back to doing that stuff again so the parent feels mad at that child for doing it around their kid. Now the mom has to start all over teaching them.

My mom pulled me out of that self contained class and put me in mainstream where kids can set a good example for me and model normal behavior for me so I could act "normal" in school instead of like a special needs kid.


It sounds like your mom was really in your corner growing up :) .
You know how you and I had some kind of 'communication thing' in the thread Pieplup made about aspies central, and you suggested that I report him, would you mind telling me why you said that? I responded defensively, and ive wondered about it since, but with all the talk of communication challenges, it seems reasonable to maybe ask about it.


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League_Girl
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23 Aug 2020, 3:33 pm

Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.

So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place. :roll:

Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.

Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.

How horrible, I remember you speaking about your ex and gas lighting before... that childhood experience could have left you susceptible to the likes of him.

Do you think the teachers were trying to "train" you?


I do believe now they had a system for me but it didn't work because I never accepted double standards.

I found out that rules are enforced on special ed students so they are more behaved and more polite than NT kids. But I never accepted that because I wanted to be normal, that meant I wanted to be equal and treated like other kids. I did not want to be different. I wanted to be NORMAL.

I also think because I didn't look disabled and I looked too normal, they thought I was one of those kids so my parents always had to fight them to follow my IEP.

So how I got treated here triggered that memory in me and it was no different how other members were treating me.

I mean how hard is it to enforce rules on all students? :? It just comes off as laziness to me and it's easier to blame the student than doing their actual jobs. Even my therapist said this was a system problem, not a League Girl problem.


Was this before ABA?

Yeah double standards have always felt wrong to me on a deep level, I think that's another reason why I was disillusioned this morning, the double standard, the tiered system, it's just unacceptable.

As a kid I seen these double standards and fought against it, but I learned to accept them over time, like it was normal. I grew out of that in my teenage years, but realised that I had to pick my battles.


I was never given ABA (applied behavior analysis, assuming this is what you mean).

I fought against them too here and at my school. I also had to learn to accept them as well and realize some people will be allowed to get away with breaking rules because of some status hey have. I also found out mods don't like rule lawyering so they don't care what their rules state and their double standards.

I remember being in junior high and kids would act goofy and stuff and not do their school work but my mom told me I wouldn't be going to London if I do the same they do. I think my mom found a solution to my issue so it was less stressful for everyone. If I am rewarded, then there will be no behavior and no rule confusion because it's other kids who can't follow them and they get no reward. :lol:

I have no idea if this is an autism issue, I can remember reading when I was 15 that autistic children rely on rules and if they are broken, it can really confuse them. I can imagine a parent being pissed after they had been teaching their autistic child about boundaries and inappropriate touching and then an NT child does it around them and gets no consequence and now the autistic kid is back to doing that stuff again so the parent feels mad at that child for doing it around their kid. Now the mom has to start all over teaching them.

My mom pulled me out of that self contained class and put me in mainstream where kids can set a good example for me and model normal behavior for me so I could act "normal" in school instead of like a special needs kid.


It sounds like your mom was really in your corner growing up :) .
You know how you and I had some kind of 'communication thing' in the thread Pieplup made about aspies central, and you suggested that I report him, would you mind telling me why you said that? I responded defensively, and ive wondered about it since, but with all the talk of communication challenges, it seems reasonable to maybe ask about it.


I think you mean in that thread in the Random discussion board?

You were on him about him breaking a rule here so I told you to report it to the mods. You seemed concerned or annoyed about rules being broken.

I get annoyed with back seat moderating so I always say report it to the mods if you think a rule is being broken. I didn't see it as piplup breaking any rules. I don't even remember what was said in it. I had almost forgotten about it until you brought it up. Waited any longer, I may have had no idea and wouldn't be able to answer you if I couldn't recall unless you had found a link to that thread to refresh my memory. Been there before with a couple other members and only one of them was able to post a url to a thread another member here took issues with. The rest were not able to provide me anything so I would figure it wasn't that important then if they can't be bothered to help refresh me and they are just holding grudges instead and want something to attack me about for some reason.


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Amity
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23 Aug 2020, 3:43 pm

Quote:
I think you mean in that thread in the Random discussion board?

You were on him about him breaking a rule here so I told you to report it to the mods. You seemed concerned or annoyed about rules being broken.

I get annoyed with back seat moderating so I always say report it to the mods if you think a rule is being broken. I didn't see it as piplup breaking any rules. I don't even remember what was said in it. I had almost forgotten about it until you brought it up. Waited any longer, I may have had no idea and wouldn't be able to answer you if I couldn't recall unless you had found a link to that thread to refresh my memory. Been there before with a couple other members and only one of them was able to post a url to a thread another member here took issues with. The rest were not able to provide me anything so I would figure it wasn't that important then if they can't be bothered to help refresh me and they are just holding grudges instead and want something to attack me about for some reason.


Yeah I was concerned at that point about inconsistent application of rules!

I happened to have seen why he was 'encouraged' to leave aspies central, and I felt for him, didnt want that rule to be used against him here, didnt want him to be banned from here too, so it was my way of giving him a heads up and by quoting the actual rules I hoped I wouldnt get much heat for doing it. Lol.


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23 Aug 2020, 3:52 pm

Amity wrote:
BlazingStar you are someone I hold in high regard, so thank you for the kind words and understanding.

I would hope for you that with time you will feel more comfortable posting in your natural writing style. I have noticed you mention before that you spend much time (and likely theory of mind effort into) checking your words before you post.

For what it's worth, you could just write your own way without walking on eggshells when talking to me, I would like if that was possible.

------------
On a side but related note...

I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?

How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...


It's difficult for me to tell what is me and what is mask, once the practice starts in.

I have a female friend, work colleague. We have been working together for nearly 20 years and we can dispense with so much of the clutter in normal NT speech. I find that so relaxing because I don't have to be on guard with her.

LeagueGirl, I know just what you are talking about with the double standards. In my home it was my younger (by four years) brother getting to do things that I was not permitted to do because I was a girl. I would be furious. And I remember in school when I would see rules broken and broken and broken and then the minute I did the same, I was chastised. It does make for a confusing upbringing.

Double standards continue to bother me. I see it in my clients all the time. "Johnny" has to always be polite, always be neat and clean, always do his chores and is never allowed to be relaxed and normal and just like the rest of us. Especially when the individual in question is an adult. It makes me furious. But in order to effect changes for the benefit of my clients, I have to stay calm and pleasant and try to figure out a non-threatening way to say: Hey, he's 25. It is not normal for a 25 year old man to always be neat and clean. Sometimes you want to hang around in your shorts and relax!

I am impaired enough that I don't always know what is going on. I see people being jumped on for what clearly could be a misunderstanding, and then I worry about what I might say and I really don't need to be jumped on.

Amity, I am glad you started this thread and I am heartened by the women (and men) who have been so open.
:heart: :heart: :heart:


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23 Aug 2020, 3:53 pm

Amity wrote:
Quote:
I think you mean in that thread in the Random discussion board?

You were on him about him breaking a rule here so I told you to report it to the mods. You seemed concerned or annoyed about rules being broken.

I get annoyed with back seat moderating so I always say report it to the mods if you think a rule is being broken. I didn't see it as piplup breaking any rules. I don't even remember what was said in it. I had almost forgotten about it until you brought it up. Waited any longer, I may have had no idea and wouldn't be able to answer you if I couldn't recall unless you had found a link to that thread to refresh my memory. Been there before with a couple other members and only one of them was able to post a url to a thread another member here took issues with. The rest were not able to provide me anything so I would figure it wasn't that important then if they can't be bothered to help refresh me and they are just holding grudges instead and want something to attack me about for some reason.


Yeah I was concerned at that point about inconsistent application of rules!

I happened to have seen why he was 'encouraged' to leave aspies central, and I felt for him, didnt want that rule to be used against him here, didnt want him to be banned from here too, so it was my way of giving him a heads up and by quoting the actual rules I hoped I wouldnt get much heat for doing it. Lol.



Neah we're good. I never had anything against you when I wrote that.


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23 Aug 2020, 3:54 pm

and AuroraBorealisGazer, I didn't know you from before, but I am so glad you are here now and congratulations on your marriage. :flower: :flower: :flower:


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AuroraBorealisGazer
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23 Aug 2020, 4:05 pm

blazingstar wrote:
and AuroraBorealisGazer, I didn't know you from before, but I am so glad you are here now and congratulations on your marriage. :flower: :flower: :flower:


Thank you Blazingstar :D I'm happily surprised the be noticed. It's good to have you here too :cheers:



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25 Aug 2020, 8:01 am

I think we notice each other more than we say.

Well at least I know I don't talk with others on here as much as I enjoy reading their posts.

I feel blessed to be able to connect to such marvellous people.

The compassion on here is oozing a love which can be felt around the world.



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25 Aug 2020, 10:13 am

^It is a rather nice sense of connectedness.

That's the thing I've always liked about the people here, we are all so different, yet have so much in common, despite the cultural differences.

Its a shame to see what's happened.
I cant fully process it if I'm honest, I think it is a protective feature, like a mind block.
I think many of us need a new home.


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25 Aug 2020, 12:49 pm

It would be a shame to see people leave over this disagreement we are having about the word racism and how to handle it here.

This place has been dying for the past ten years anyway.


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25 Aug 2020, 1:26 pm

Despite how it appears... The racism issue isnt the root problem on WP, bringing it into focus does however help to justify a specific approach, to support a particular narrative for later.

In essence a valid issue, but a distraction away from the key issues... Like the always absent admin. Except it seems when the admin wants to further his own agenda/public image and be dammed the autistic community.

I find myself writing things that ex members wrote the last time there was an exodus...

Which are being ignored yet again, back when Tally, Cornflake and GGViper resigned I remember feeling empathy for Alex when everyone piled in on top of him, I even tried to help him and be a friendly poster when he did appear. Gave him the benefit of doubt.

He didnt get it then, he wont get it now, its pointless LeagueGirl. Nothing works, ever head the term "it's like p!ssing into the wind" well that's what this is.

If what you are doing doesnt work, do something different.

Time to move house.


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26 Aug 2020, 9:45 am

Amity wrote:
Time to move house.


What a time for me to show up here. :( I'd love to see you all find a new spot together. Let me know if you do.


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