23 Aug 2020, 11:56 am
23 Aug 2020, 12:23 pm
23 Aug 2020, 12:38 pm
23 Aug 2020, 1:03 pm
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
magz wrote:
Amity wrote:
On a side but related note...
I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?
How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...
I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?
How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...
I'm very worried for it, too. Autism is often all about miscommunication and not getting informal rules of societes. Additionally, a lot of us have mental health issues, get triggered by apparently innocent phrases or can't deal with some seemingly everyday situations.
I really hope we all grow to be more supportive and patient.
This has been what I've found so upsetting about the whole thing. Two members were accused of things based on how they tried to communicate their thoughts, and the accuser did not consider that it could have been a misunderstanding, even as they tried to explain their intentions. On an autism site of all places, we should feel able to work through our communication struggles, and given the chance to get the right words out for conveying our message.
We should be given the benefit of the doubt and the chance to clarify what we were attempting to say. I think we've all had interactions in the real world where NTs have jumped down our throats for using words that we thought carried no deeper meaning. That's not something that should happen here too.
Hi Aurora, it's good to see you here again and congratulations btw.
Yes this is it, exactly. I see people utterly focussed on human rights based on skin colour, yet behaving in the most hypocritical way towards the people this site was apparently set up to meet the needs of.
To me all unrecognised bias and isms-ists come from the same place, prejudice.
I find the inconsistency between words and actions of those behaving with prejudice while lecturing others about prejudice in another area, to be shallow.
23 Aug 2020, 1:05 pm
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I have had instances here where people thought I was deliberately provoking members here or thought my humor was to make people mad and to create chaos.
To me this makes me feel victimized like I make people uncomfortable for even existing and I think if people are so bothered by me, they can just ignore me.
For a while I felt so afraid to post here thinking the mods will think I am breaking rules again. I wasn't pleased to see one of my sentences being turned into "right wings are stupid" when I never literally said that. I said they were fine with businesses discriminating against people and I meant literally that. If someone had a problem with it, they could have told me something like "League Girl, I want to let you know not all of us think this way and we also disagree with this view so I am concerned you were generalizing the right wing and I hope you know not all of us think this just so you know" than making ASSumptions and projecting NT language onto me.
No action was taken of course but I still hate my words being twisted and NT language projection. My son does this to me all the time but he gets a pass because he is a child. For example, I will tell him to stop being loud and to play quietly and he will say "you don't want me to play." I say back to him "No, I didn't say that, you can play quietly, you don't need to make noise to play." If he still keeps insisting I don't want him to do nothing, I assume it's intentional and he is just being difficult on purpose so I ignore it and say nothing else. I assume this is part of them testing their boundaries but when an adult does it, I have an issue with it. But yet my daughter doesn't do this to me so it really depends on the child. Not all kids will twist your words.
To me this makes me feel victimized like I make people uncomfortable for even existing and I think if people are so bothered by me, they can just ignore me.
For a while I felt so afraid to post here thinking the mods will think I am breaking rules again. I wasn't pleased to see one of my sentences being turned into "right wings are stupid" when I never literally said that. I said they were fine with businesses discriminating against people and I meant literally that. If someone had a problem with it, they could have told me something like "League Girl, I want to let you know not all of us think this way and we also disagree with this view so I am concerned you were generalizing the right wing and I hope you know not all of us think this just so you know" than making ASSumptions and projecting NT language onto me.
No action was taken of course but I still hate my words being twisted and NT language projection. My son does this to me all the time but he gets a pass because he is a child. For example, I will tell him to stop being loud and to play quietly and he will say "you don't want me to play." I say back to him "No, I didn't say that, you can play quietly, you don't need to make noise to play." If he still keeps insisting I don't want him to do nothing, I assume it's intentional and he is just being difficult on purpose so I ignore it and say nothing else. I assume this is part of them testing their boundaries but when an adult does it, I have an issue with it. But yet my daughter doesn't do this to me so it really depends on the child. Not all kids will twist your words.
From what I recall you have had your own difficulties with mods in the past, were the rules adjusted at one point to disallow talking about fetishes?
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
23 Aug 2020, 1:24 pm
League_Girl wrote:
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
How horrible, I remember you speaking about your ex and gas lighting before... that childhood experience could have left you susceptible to the likes of him.
Do you think the teachers were trying to "train" you?
23 Aug 2020, 1:28 pm
23 Aug 2020, 1:32 pm
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
How horrible, I remember you speaking about your ex and gas lighting before... that childhood experience could have left you susceptible to the likes of him.
Do you think the teachers were trying to "train" you?
I do believe now they had a system for me but it didn't work because I never accepted double standards.
I found out that rules are enforced on special ed students so they are more behaved and more polite than NT kids. But I never accepted that because I wanted to be normal, that meant I wanted to be equal and treated like other kids. I did not want to be different. I wanted to be NORMAL.
I also think because I didn't look disabled and I looked too normal, they thought I was one of those kids so my parents always had to fight them to follow my IEP.
So how I got treated here triggered that memory in me and it was no different how other members were treating me.
I mean how hard is it to enforce rules on all students?
It just comes off as laziness to me and it's easier to blame the student than doing their actual jobs. Even my therapist said this was a system problem, not a League Girl problem.
23 Aug 2020, 1:36 pm
23 Aug 2020, 1:39 pm
23 Aug 2020, 1:41 pm
Amity wrote:
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
magz wrote:
Amity wrote:
On a side but related note...
I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?
How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...
I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?
How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...
I'm very worried for it, too. Autism is often all about miscommunication and not getting informal rules of societes. Additionally, a lot of us have mental health issues, get triggered by apparently innocent phrases or can't deal with some seemingly everyday situations.
I really hope we all grow to be more supportive and patient.
This has been what I've found so upsetting about the whole thing. Two members were accused of things based on how they tried to communicate their thoughts, and the accuser did not consider that it could have been a misunderstanding, even as they tried to explain their intentions. On an autism site of all places, we should feel able to work through our communication struggles, and given the chance to get the right words out for conveying our message.
We should be given the benefit of the doubt and the chance to clarify what we were attempting to say. I think we've all had interactions in the real world where NTs have jumped down our throats for using words that we thought carried no deeper meaning. That's not something that should happen here too.
Hi Aurora, it's good to see you here again and congratulations btw.
Yes this is it, exactly. I see people utterly focussed on human rights based on skin colour, yet behaving in the most hypocritical way towards the people this site was apparently set up to meet the needs of.
To me all unrecognised bias and isms-ists come from the same place, prejudice.
I find the inconsistency between words and actions of those behaving with prejudice while lecturing others about prejudice in another area, to be shallow.
*Waves to Amity* thank you
! Aside from all of what's recently transpired, it's good to be back!Yes the hypocracy of it all is hard to wrap my head around. I want everyone to be treated respectfully, and I'd want to be told if I've said something wrong, but the way it's being done is not constructive.
Before my hiatus I spent a lot of time trying to help explain things to people who caused uproars and didn't understand why. No one had ever taken the time to do that with me and so I had to figure it out all while becoming more afraid of what my next flub would be. I wanted to save others from that type of accosting. But it feels like fighting a losing battle when people with power swoop in and make sweeping declarations without considering things first.
Ugh I don't know I'm just repeating myself at this point but I keep rehashing it all in my head.
23 Aug 2020, 1:48 pm
League_Girl wrote:
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
How horrible, I remember you speaking about your ex and gas lighting before... that childhood experience could have left you susceptible to the likes of him.
Do you think the teachers were trying to "train" you?
I do believe now they had a system for me but it didn't work because I never accepted double standards.
I found out that rules are enforced on special ed students so they are more behaved and more polite than NT kids. But I never accepted that because I wanted to be normal, that meant I wanted to be equal and treated like other kids. I did not want to be different. I wanted to be NORMAL.
I also think because I didn't look disabled and I looked too normal, they thought I was one of those kids so my parents always had to fight them to follow my IEP.
So how I got treated here triggered that memory in me and it was no different how other members were treating me.
I mean how hard is it to enforce rules on all students?
It just comes off as laziness to me and it's easier to blame the student than doing their actual jobs. Even my therapist said this was a system problem, not a League Girl problem.Was this before ABA?
Yeah double standards have always felt wrong to me on a deep level, I think that's another reason why I was disillusioned this morning, the double standard, the tiered system, it's just unacceptable.
As a kid I seen these double standards and fought against it, but I learned to accept them over time, like it was normal. I grew out of that in my teenage years, but realised that I had to pick my battles.
23 Aug 2020, 2:02 pm
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Amity wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Other members were discussing them and I think if they are allowed to talk about them, I should talk about mine. Rules should be enforced on all members. I had this issue as a kid where the adults were only enforcing rules on me but not on other kids. My mom and my therapist were pissed about it too when they found out. I had been saying for two years then about the double standards at my school and no one listened. A video they took of me in class proved it and the staff glossing over it and only focusing on me and my mom then understood why I had behavior in school. Even the school tried to say I had a behavior disorder. It was easier to blame it all on me and pretend I was the problem than enforcing the rules on all students so I wouldn't have difficulty understanding what the rules are.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
So this place was like being in elementary school again where I was piled on and singled out while other members were allowed to break rules but if I broke them, oh no I was evil and trying to disrupt the place.
Members here don't talk about fetishes anymore and they always get locked now.
Only rule exemption that should be allowed is if a parent comes here asking about how to get their child to stop smearing feces on walls or to get them to use the toilet for their bodily functions. That should be the only time we can talk about excretory function.
How horrible, I remember you speaking about your ex and gas lighting before... that childhood experience could have left you susceptible to the likes of him.
Do you think the teachers were trying to "train" you?
I do believe now they had a system for me but it didn't work because I never accepted double standards.
I found out that rules are enforced on special ed students so they are more behaved and more polite than NT kids. But I never accepted that because I wanted to be normal, that meant I wanted to be equal and treated like other kids. I did not want to be different. I wanted to be NORMAL.
I also think because I didn't look disabled and I looked too normal, they thought I was one of those kids so my parents always had to fight them to follow my IEP.
So how I got treated here triggered that memory in me and it was no different how other members were treating me.
I mean how hard is it to enforce rules on all students?
It just comes off as laziness to me and it's easier to blame the student than doing their actual jobs. Even my therapist said this was a system problem, not a League Girl problem.Was this before ABA?
Yeah double standards have always felt wrong to me on a deep level, I think that's another reason why I was disillusioned this morning, the double standard, the tiered system, it's just unacceptable.
As a kid I seen these double standards and fought against it, but I learned to accept them over time, like it was normal. I grew out of that in my teenage years, but realised that I had to pick my battles.
I was never given ABA (applied behavior analysis, assuming this is what you mean).
I fought against them too here and at my school. I also had to learn to accept them as well and realize some people will be allowed to get away with breaking rules because of some status hey have. I also found out mods don't like rule lawyering so they don't care what their rules state and their double standards.
I remember being in junior high and kids would act goofy and stuff and not do their school work but my mom told me I wouldn't be going to London if I do the same they do. I think my mom found a solution to my issue so it was less stressful for everyone. If I am rewarded, then there will be no behavior and no rule confusion because it's other kids who can't follow them and they get no reward.
I have no idea if this is an autism issue, I can remember reading when I was 15 that autistic children rely on rules and if they are broken, it can really confuse them. I can imagine a parent being pissed after they had been teaching their autistic child about boundaries and inappropriate touching and then an NT child does it around them and gets no consequence and now the autistic kid is back to doing that stuff again so the parent feels mad at that child for doing it around their kid. Now the mom has to start all over teaching them.
My mom pulled me out of that self contained class and put me in mainstream where kids can set a good example for me and model normal behavior for me so I could act "normal" in school instead of like a special needs kid.
23 Aug 2020, 2:09 pm
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Amity wrote:
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
magz wrote:
Amity wrote:
On a side but related note...
I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?
How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...
I mean if we have level 1 auties/aspies unable to post without fear their words will be misinterpreted and be condemned for it, how on earth can we ever be inclusive of people with level 2 or 3 Autism, or those with atypical communication abilities?
How can we ever expect the typical world to be accommodating if we cant even extend that to eachother...
I'm very worried for it, too. Autism is often all about miscommunication and not getting informal rules of societes. Additionally, a lot of us have mental health issues, get triggered by apparently innocent phrases or can't deal with some seemingly everyday situations.
I really hope we all grow to be more supportive and patient.
This has been what I've found so upsetting about the whole thing. Two members were accused of things based on how they tried to communicate their thoughts, and the accuser did not consider that it could have been a misunderstanding, even as they tried to explain their intentions. On an autism site of all places, we should feel able to work through our communication struggles, and given the chance to get the right words out for conveying our message.
We should be given the benefit of the doubt and the chance to clarify what we were attempting to say. I think we've all had interactions in the real world where NTs have jumped down our throats for using words that we thought carried no deeper meaning. That's not something that should happen here too.
Hi Aurora, it's good to see you here again and congratulations btw.
Yes this is it, exactly. I see people utterly focussed on human rights based on skin colour, yet behaving in the most hypocritical way towards the people this site was apparently set up to meet the needs of.
To me all unrecognised bias and isms-ists come from the same place, prejudice.
I find the inconsistency between words and actions of those behaving with prejudice while lecturing others about prejudice in another area, to be shallow.
*Waves to Amity* thank you
! Aside from all of what's recently transpired, it's good to be back!Yes the hypocracy of it all is hard to wrap my head around. I want everyone to be treated respectfully, and I'd want to be told if I've said something wrong, but the way it's being done is not constructive.
Before my hiatus I spent a lot of time trying to help explain things to people who caused uproars and didn't understand why. No one had ever taken the time to do that with me and so I had to figure it out all while becoming more afraid of what my next flub would be. I wanted to save others from that type of accosting. But it feels like fighting a losing battle when people with power swoop in and make sweeping declarations without considering things first.
Ugh I don't know I'm just repeating myself at this point but I keep rehashing it all in my head.
It's a normal reaction though to rehash, analyse, to problem solve, to look for solutions after these type of experiences. Well at least typical for ASD folk.
I reckon that way more of us are sensitized than hardened when it comes to trauma related to social communication challenges, (anyone know of any studies in this area?), this has to be compounding our difficulties and impact on our interactions here, especially regarding corrective communication.
Is it any wonder things can escalate here on a regular basis.
23 Aug 2020, 2:23 pm
23 Aug 2020, 2:30 pm
...Irrational emotions. You men aren't so rational. 
Haww haww!! !
