How can I not be so bothered by this?

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And don't say things like "grow up", because I find that unhelpful and upsetting.

So my cousin has just joined Facebook, and I'm scared that it might make her more popular than me, as she's the sort to add every mutual friend of every friend and like and reply to everything, even though she's not the most socially skilled person. Before, she always said that she's not into Facebook, as she has an ex who was abusive and she didn't want him or any of his family and friends to find her via Facebook.

She's never been diagnosed with anything but she has some suspected ASD traits, although I can't say for sure but she required support all through school.
But anyway she works at a place where I used to work, and now that she's on Facebook I'm going to see who she talks to there and who she doesn't talk to, and it will hurt if I see that she talks to people who didn't give me the time of day when I worked there (even though I made the effort to be friendly to them).

Like Chris1989, I do have a habit of comparing myself to other people. How do I be more mindful about this?
By the way I don't let her know that I'm feeling this way. I just pretend that I'm happy that she's on Facebook.

Ummmm!...... Don't think of it as being more popular just see it as having more vacuous acquaintances

That is a good way of looking at it.

My cousin has never been diagnosed with anything but she had some developmental delays as a child and as an adult she finds it hard to join in conversations or even follow conversations, and has a few other social quirks.
But she's lucky, because she doesn't overthink everything like I do, and she doesn't worry about social rejection like I do. Being overanalytic and socially phobic does hold you back more than not joining in conversations. I wish my brain wouldn't overthink everything but I can't help it, it's just the way my thinking style is. My cousin's thinking style seems opposite to mine; she'll get someone's phone number and send them texts without feeling awkward or worrying that she might be annoying them. She'd add everyone on Facebook whether she knows them or not, so she'll probably end up having about 10,000 friends in her Facebook friends list soon.
I know it will make her LOOK more popular than what she really is, but a lot of NTs judge people based on how many Facebook friends they have in their friends list, so people will see the number of friends on her Facebook and think, "wow, she's popular", and will add her and might even make a friend out of her.

And there's me being "too careful". I think I'm just traumatized by all the social rejection and emotional bullying I faced when I was younger (not just at high school but in early adulthood too).

I have about 500 Facebook “friends.” I speak to barely 10 of them. Most are “friends of friends of friends,” or whatever.

I can pick up a few thousand very easily.

I have about 123 Facebook friends. All of them I know. Most people who I know of but don't know too well (friends of friends) seem to reject my friend requests, so God knows how other people get up to 500 or 1,000 friends if the hidden rule is to only add people you know 100% personally (at least in my case ).

You want to see what she's doing, but you really don't and you really shouldn't.

Get off social media, as these kinds of thing plant an unhappy seed in people.

Humans are designed around their entire world being their small village/tribe. Having access to too many people is not good for us, and especially not women because it brings the worst out of humanities covetous nature. We covet evil things with our eyes, which ferments in our heart. The more evil things we look at, the more those demonic things marinate within the heart and corrupts our desire. If something is making you unhappy, CUT IT OFF. This is what Christ meant when he said "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." Matthew 5:29 He's not saying to dismember yourself but to cut off the thing that is setting a precedent for these unhappy thoughts. You don't even have to be religious to do this.

The human eye is VERY powerful. It can make us very happy, or it can make us very upset. We channel the power of the eye by looking at beautiful things and having beautiful thoughts, but when we stare at temporal desires it makes us woefuly unpset so that: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I admit that the law is good. 17In that case, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Romans 15-17

Hence when we look at evil things, evil begins to take control of who we really are and it turns us into something we don't want to be. Desiring the treasures and fame of this world makes us all unhappy because that isn't who we really are. The world and its riches are all temporal. Fame is temporal, but an innocent and pure heart is immortal and will last forever.

Therefor, do NOT look at them. Do NOT look at things that make you unhappy. You become your thoughts, and if your thoughts are covetous then it only makes since that you take on all its ugliness and then feel ugly. Nobody wants to become ugly, thus you have to protect what goes into your eyes to prevent your ugliness so that you might feel beautiful.

There's a reason why eyes are central to beauty, yet humans don't seem to guard what goes into it. They can protect what goes into their mouths to sculpt their bodies, but how do they mind their spiritual health? A recent saying I've learned that I quite like is that "a good conscious is to the soul what health is to the body".

What exactly is the problem?


Is this mainly about your workplace? Her being on Facebook would somehow interfere with your relationship with coworkers?

Last edited by naturalplastic on 27 Aug 2020, 8:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I always mention how all the girls who wouldn't date me in high school are now Facebook friends.
I still haven't dated a single one of them, but at this stage in my life it's irrelevant.
Don't compare yourself to others. You wouldn't want to be like most of them anyway.

I can't speak for everyone here, but I identify with this particular quandry: As someone on the spectrum, I tend to be quite antisocial even when I wish I could get along better with some people (still not seeking a huge group of friends or anything). Sometimes, it can make me feel like I'm a bad person, or wrong, if people I know get along better with each other than they did with me. I had one really good friend in college who was close enough to me that we lived together for 3 years. My last year, another friend of ours moved in. I really like her (the 3rd person) and wish we were better friends, but I digress: once I moved out, having graduated early, my first friend seemed to become much better friends with the girl who moved in with us. They did a lot of things together that nobody ever suggested doing with me. It gave me grief, as I wondered what was wrong with me that they didn't want to do these things with me.

So in Joe's situation, I sympathize with obsessively troubling oneself over the idea that anyone in our life does so well in an area that we cannot, even if we wish we did.

If you read the posts I posted before and after Kraftie, it might explain your question.

Read before you ask.

OP, if you feel uncomfortable with other users' content here, feel free to PM me.

No, it's fine, nobody offended here.

<Pepe thinks: This is "The Haven". Think of unicorns and rainbows>








Ignore the last one.

Mindset Reset.

I don't know how FaceBook works.
Can you quarantine your FB from her's?

Give it time.
I'm here now.

You are the boss here