Understand me - Please!

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It's been a long time since I have been to Wrong Planet, but today I need someone to understand me and know how I am feeling.
I am an accountant, but not a very good one. I am fine with determining how much money a company makes and why, but I really suck when it comes to making sure things get done, like billing a child company for something the parent company paid. To make a long story short, I am about two years behind in billing the child company for invoices paid by the parent and I am afraid I am going to get fired.
My wife is NT and she tries really hard to understand how I think and feel, but she can't completely understand me.
I feel useless. I can't do simple things like do my job right. I am undependable and I think about myself more than I think about the good of the family.
Also I am obsessed with running Dungeons and Dragons games and I want to do it as often as possible, but I have a real hard time reading my wife when it comes to how often is too often and it has been a source of friction. I will ask her, can I run a game on X day and she will say yes, but then I don't know if it is secretly irritating her.
I just feel like I am groping blindly thru life. If anyone understands what I am going thru, please post here. I have Aspergers or whatever we are called now days and anxiety disorders with suicidal thoughts (having them right now, but don't worry, I wont do it).
I know there are people that are a lot worse off than me, but I just want a little pity party (actually a big one).
Also I have Meniers disease, so I have to eat a low salt diet, and my bladder does not work right, so I have to use a catheter on myself three times a day (both recent conditions)
I guess most people would call me high functioning autism, but right about now I feel low functioning.

Having insight is the first step.

This is stuff that you have to deal with---head on. You must be doing something right if they haven't fired you after you worked at your present place a while.

You have a family to support.

I am a little lost on your explanation. If the bills are paid by a parent instead of the child, isn't the bills paid. It almost sounds like double billing. Or is it your responsibility to make sure that the child reimburses the parent. I understand that you are describing them as individuals whereas they are companies. But i do not get the analogy.

As kraftiekortie has said, you primary responsibility is to support your family. I divide my life in two. There is work and there is home. I work to support my home. My home is where I relax and de-stress. I use to do D&D and it is a great de-stressor. But I gave it up because I needed to grow and do many more things in life, like build my own home. My work provides my funds to pay for all my special interest. So it is two lives, work and home. But without work everything falls apart. Therefore fix the problems at work and then relax.

I remember going to D&D games that lasted the entire weekend. We went by ferry to Catalina Island off the coast of California and held the games there. When I returned home, I was bubbling over with excitement about the game. My young daughter would come up to me and ask what I did. I tried to explain it to her in a language she would understand. I would tell her that I would fight a cabbage monster and cut it up. I would describe the fights. Her eyes were wide open the whole time. It wasn't until much later when she was an adult, that she told me that she thought my actual job in real life was fighting cabbage monsters. She finally figured it out in her late teens.

I hope this does not come off the wrong way, I know you guys are trying to help, but you guys obviously don't get the fact that some times people want to vent their fears and troubles rather than looking for solutions. I have a wonderful NT wife who has excellent common sense and can give me advice on practical matters or tell me my fears are not reasonable.
I just thought posting here someone could understand that feeling like you are damaged goods because you can't always understand the world I live in. My wife hates it when I say this, but I wish I was normal.

I do understand that----more than you think.

I happen to believe very few people are "damaged goods." Maybe if they're a pedophile who killed a kid.

It bothers me when people say they're "damaged goods." Especially if they say the "damage" could never be fixed.

That's the way I feel.

I get that reminder all the time from my mother---that people sometimes just like to vent, and are not looking for solutions.

(((Bald-Accountant)))

I get it; you just want to vent and be heard. I hear you. Right now everything seems out of control and you are floundering. Or is it foundering? I always mix up those words.

So that's why I give you hugs and moral support. It's harder for us to maintain the normal stuff like work, marriage, kids. Sometimes you just need to let it all out.

So, keep posting. Let us know how it feels for you.
And that most of us have been in similar situations and do understand the need to vent.

Sorry!

Nothing wrong with seeking solutions......

Story of my life.
I am so bad at reading people.
It is worse with the people I care about.

Thankfully, I don't have a partner.