If I am being truly honest...
I admit that I am not a completely good person. I’m a very complex, unpredictable person who needs to learn to always take the high road.
The first step to learning to be a better person is admitting that you’re not a good person, and letting go of denial of your actions. I have hurt people who were struggling deeply with my drama addiction and saying I had the same struggles when I didn’t online anonymously on other websites. I have hurt people I didn’t know well and have the people closest to me not know I had done it. I am not a good person. I just admitted it.
People close to me don’t know I’m not a good person. I want to be one. The first step is admitting I’m not.
In a book about highly sensitive people, I came across a term "Inner Machiavelli".
I liked the term very much. That part in me that is capable of doing awful things.
If you fight your Inner Machiavelli, you have an enemy of a psychopath who is just as intelligent as you are, knows everything you know and all things you don't want to know, and has no inhibitions.
You'll lose.
But you can show your Inner Machiavelli his place. He's a great advisor to warn you about other people's possible ill intentions. He can show you possibilities but after you conciously listen to him, the decision what to do is yours.
When he's your ally, you can keep his dangerous tendencies at bay.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
I don't know if this will help you or not but neither am I. It helps me when other people are open about this, because I honestly believe no one truly is and we just hide things because of fear of judgement.
I am very self centered and only have emotional energy to genuinely care for a handful of people. I am going to be a bridesmaid in my childhood best friend's wedding but I have had many personal issues with her and have talked poorly about her with others. I could go on.
It makes me feel awful but I entirely agree, the first step to improvement is being able to admit the problem. That's confronting it, which is how we begin to change.
I liked the term very much. That part in me that is capable of doing awful things.
If you fight your Inner Machiavelli, you have an enemy of a psychopath who is just as intelligent as you are, knows everything you know and all things you don't want to know, and has no inhibitions.
You'll lose.
But you can show your Inner Machiavelli his place. He's a great advisor to warn you about other people's possible ill intentions. He can show you possibilities but after you conciously listen to him, the decision what to do is yours.
When he's your ally, you can keep his dangerous tendencies at bay.
That’s so interesting. May I ask what the book was?
Elaine Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person
Most of the book is about other topics but this single term resonated in me and made me understand some unhealthy patterns in my family.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
If you wouldn't mind telling us, what exactly have you "done" that makes you "not a good person?" Have you done something like ghost a guy after telling him you're in love with him?
At the very least, you seem to WANT to be a good person. The likelihood, it seems to me, is that you are already a good person.
I think I'm basically a good person----though I do have some considerable faults.
The first step to learning to be a better person is admitting that you’re not a good person, and letting go of denial of your actions. I have hurt people who were struggling deeply with my drama addiction and saying I had the same struggles when I didn’t online anonymously on other websites. I have hurt people I didn’t know well and have the people closest to me not know I had done it. I am not a good person. I just admitted it.
People close to me don’t know I’m not a good person. I want to be one. The first step is admitting I’m not.
Doesn't everyone struggle with thoughts they rather not have, assuming one has a conscience?
The mere fact that you are concerned indicates you aren't a psychopath.
The "trick" is to not take ownership of these antisocial ideas.
Think of them as someone whispering in your ear.
Tell them to frack off.
Having these dark thoughts doesn't make a person "bad".
It makes them human.
"Blame the evolutionary processes."
If you don't want my advice.
Just tell me.
This is in The Haven, Brrrr, after all.
Oh, and yeah: "There, there."
At the very least, you seem to WANT to be a good person. The likelihood, it seems to me, is that you are already a good person.
I think I'm basically a good person----though I do have some considerable faults.
I said some awful things online, anonymously, on various websites, as in alienating people by saying things that were out of hand but more like in a careless way than an intentional way—as in you could kind of tell I was not right at the time. I also spent a ton of money, including money that wasn’t mine, and now I have to rely on my parents more than I want to. I said things that were offensive without meaning to. None of it was malice.
Sounds like me when I was your age. I suspect a lot of us in our 20s regret doing doing dumb stuff. I was fortunate in having a mother who instilled some level of compassion for people who are vulnerable and I think that informs my values so I was selective at whom I was aiming my malice at.
But I certainly shot my mouth off and spent money as if there was no tomorrow.
I do not have that natural filter that most people have... I blurt out what I think.
I’m now trying so hard not to offend or insult that I don’t talk much.
Communication online is much better for me.
I check what I have written and frequently edit out what could be offensive.
I really do want to get along with people.
Sigh.
_________________
Sylkat
Student Body President, Miskatonic University
I have lived long enough and made enough poor (but mostly uninformed or naïve) choices and done so many things to hurt others, it would fill a book. I have learned and grown up and I'm now an entirely different person.
You can't change the past, but you can make the present and the future better for you and those around you. But don't wallow too much in the past. If you feel it would help, do the 4th, 5th and 6th steps, of the AA 12 step program.
_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot
This has become a really good, sincere, meaningful conversation.
People being real and honest....I am glad I found it.
Sometimes it seems like everyone is perfect but me.
It means a lot that others have self-doubts
And regrets.
_________________
Sylkat
Student Body President, Miskatonic University
Sigh.
I think all of us are biologically programmed to want to get along (social needs). The first hurdle is the effort you have to make to overcome distrust, conditioned thinking in others.
As I am now in my 50s I realise I have reached a point where ageism is my biggest hurdle. Believe it or not even people my age are ageist and don't realise it.
I’m now trying so hard not to offend or insult that I don’t talk much.
Communication online is much better for me.
I check what I have written and frequently edit out what could be offensive.
I've said many times that this medium is the best for us.
Sigh.
So do I, as long as my creativity isn't neutered.
Last edited by Pepe on 31 Oct 2020, 11:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sigh.
I think all of us are biologically programmed to want to get along (social needs). The first hurdle is the effort you have to make to overcome distrust, conditioned thinking in others.
The problem I have had in making friends, even here, is because I was being gang-stalked online.
It is because of that harassment, I created the online personality I have now.
I had to make myself emotionally bullet-proof.
I decided not to advertise my age under my avatar because of the realisation of agism, even in the autistic community.
Yes I realise its a factor even if you are young at heart....I try and engage with little old ladies in the shopping centre but even they find it awkward and even weird that a 50 year old man is chatting to them. I am very old fashioned that way.