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Marknis
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06 Nov 2020, 4:36 am

I haven’t posted for a long while now and it was partly due to feeling like my time here was truly over. But there have been some other reasons why I haven’t posted:

- I went back to college (or rather registered for an online course) and it’s been a nightmare for me. The class has the same problems that I have with math and I flunked the first exam. I wish I didn’t register at all now.

- I am completely unable to sleep a full night without taking medication but sometimes I don’t even sleep at all even if I do because my mind can’t shut down after I get reminders of my failures or if I see something disturbing. I’ve also been suffering from recurrent nightmares and diurnal mood variation when I awaken.

- I have pretty much become a workhorse at the library. Even when I stood up for myself, I still get treated poorly and get told that I am “taking things too personally”.

- My sister-in-law suffered a miscarriage.

- Blood sometimes passes through me when I use the bathroom.

- I tried using dating apps again because apparently even during this pandemic, people are still dating but history just keeps repeating itself for me. Even when I get matches, I get ghosted soon after the fact.

- I still fail to socialize no matter what I do or how hard I try. I know that COVID has affected the social scene but I still see others socializing and I keep feeling the pain of missing out.



magz
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06 Nov 2020, 5:08 am

I'm glad to see you again, even if all you carry is bad news.
How is healthcare in your location? Here, it's in a state of total disaster, but if it works where you are, this blood thing should definitely be thoroughly examined.
I can't sleep without medication since 2016... but with right medication, I have pretty regulated day-night rythm. I use small doses of quetiapine as an off-label anti-insomnia drug.
I'm sorry for all your suffering. I hope you find at least some tiny thing that makes you feel a bit better :heart:


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06 Nov 2020, 11:33 am

Welcome back! Though it sounds like you don't exactly have it easy these days... I've had trouble sleeping the past month or so, too, but in my case it's probably just stress. I also use meds for sleeping problems, but I'm considering trying to lessen them during my next vacation ('cause lessening them while working could affect my ability to handle my job properly and I don't want that.)

Hmm, I'm not really sure what it's okay to say these days and what's not since the rules of the haven have changed; if I understood correctly, giving advice in this section of the forum is only allowed if it's asked or there's a permission for it. Do you want advice or should I just shush? :?



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06 Nov 2020, 11:34 am

I am glad to hear from you.
I wish things had changed in your life, but at least you seem to have a stable home.
Where I live, the ‘For Rent’ signs are popping up like mushrooms.
Young people, even with spouses and kids are moving back in with parents.
The worst impact of Covid 19 has not hit yet, I am afraid.
I truly understand your loneliness.
But no one knows how many of those socializers are passing the virus to their friends.
As much as I very, very often wish for more human contact, I remind myself that there is a deadly disease out there, and loneliness may be the price I pay to stay alive.
When you need someone to talk to, we are here, and in the same boat!


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Mountain Goat
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06 Nov 2020, 12:20 pm

Is the blood bright red or is it darker in colour? It is a good idea to get yourself checked with a doctor incase it is a stomache ulcer.

I experienced a similar thing at collage. My advice is to think of it for what you have learned and not think of it as a failed result, because if you can put what you have learned to good use, then it is not a failure but a success. Many people view whatever education one has tried as a means to pass a test to get what is a silly piece of paper, but at the end of the day, if you have not put to use the knowledge that you have gained, all it is is a silly piece of paper which is meaningless.
Now if you have passed and put the qualification to use it is a different matter, but at the end of the day, you and you and that is what matters.
So relax. Dust yourself down and take a look at the positives. You have learnt things that you did not know, both positive and negative, and even the negatives are valuable to you in that you now know what you are not so good at and why, so you can avoid wasting more time down dead ends. By changing tack and following new paths, you will have more chance to discover success.

So read this twice so you will understand what I have said, as I once thought that my two years in collage was a waste of time, but now I have the wisdom to let the experience be one I can look back on and learn from.


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Marknis
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06 Nov 2020, 2:27 pm

magz wrote:
I'm glad to see you again, even if all you carry is bad news.
How is healthcare in your location? Here, it's in a state of total disaster, but if it works where you are, this blood thing should definitely be thoroughly examined.
I can't sleep without medication since 2016... but with right medication, I have pretty regulated day-night rythm. I use small doses of quetiapine as an off-label anti-insomnia drug.
I'm sorry for all your suffering. I hope you find at least some tiny thing that makes you feel a bit better :heart:


I have to wait a long time to see my doctor; I haven’t seen him since maybe March or April. I probably have internal hemorrhoids since I strain a lot when having bowel movements.

Fireblossom wrote:
Welcome back! Though it sounds like you don't exactly have it easy these days... I've had trouble sleeping the past month or so, too, but in my case it's probably just stress. I also use meds for sleeping problems, but I'm considering trying to lessen them during my next vacation ('cause lessening them while working could affect my ability to handle my job properly and I don't want that.)

Hmm, I'm not really sure what it's okay to say these days and what's not since the rules of the haven have changed; if I understood correctly, giving advice in this section of the forum is only allowed if it's asked or there's a permission for it. Do you want advice or should I just shush? :?


I tried sleeping without the medicine recently and I woke up at 1:00 which was what was happening to me when the lockdowns started to stress me out. I wish I could take a vacation but I don’t have enough money.

You can give some advice. I will say, though, I may go away again.

Mountain Goat wrote:
Is the blood bright red or is it darker in colour? It is a good idea to get yourself checked with a doctor incase it is a stomache ulcer.


Bright red.



Last edited by Marknis on 06 Nov 2020, 2:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

funeralxempire
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06 Nov 2020, 2:32 pm

^^

I deal with that issue. It can be pretty disturbing to see sometimes.

Unrelated, good to see you back. Have you played guitar recently? I've been picking mine up a lot more.



Marknis
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06 Nov 2020, 4:28 pm

I play it every once in a while. I am doing more drawing lately, though.

I’ve also been posting on Aspies Central. I might go there full time.



kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2020, 4:35 pm

It seems like it's hemorrhoids.

Try to make an appointment with your doctor. It might not be as hard as you think it is.

I've been going to doctors for months now----and I'm in NYC, where there was about 25,000 deaths from COVID.



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06 Nov 2020, 4:46 pm

Sometimes I get it. My Mum says it is piles. Lots come out and I feel weak. Never seen a doctor about it, but I have female doctors so it is not the thing to mention. I think it is fairly common, but ask a doctor about it just incase. As the blood is bright red and fresh, you don't have to worry too much. It is if it is quite dark it indicates a problem.


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06 Nov 2020, 5:18 pm

Welcome back Marknis......... taking lotsa meds together can be quite constipating . Especially when taking it at bedtime . If you can keep some yoghurt on hand , or a product called kefir , both come in flavoured variations .
Buy enough to be able to eat or drink a serving before you go to bed . This advise is not for lactose intolerant persons . But they do have lactose intolerant milk. Which can be used instead , acidophilus capsules can be taken with breakfast . It is important to care for your colon when you are taking several pills at once , night or day .
If a person can tolerate the lactose . It will help your digestion a lot , alittle extra fat in yoghurt will help body feel satisfied when you go to sleep . This practice would best to make it a habit . If you are taking tablets of medicine a lot . And. (A doctor would probably best to follow up for people with these conditions).
Combined with cod liver oil capsules , this treatment has helped me a lot . Non fat yoghurt does not work as well .
Just Generally “ for your Information “ just based on experience.


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Marknis
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06 Nov 2020, 5:27 pm

I haven’t had yogurt for a long time but I know I like it so it wouldn’t cause any trouble for me to start eating it again.

Besides that, I still feel down about my social life being practically halted. I feel envious of the younger people in my area who are socializing and enjoying things that most of the people I’ve encountered in my life who call those things “weird”, “geeky”, and “nerdy” in a negative light.



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06 Nov 2020, 5:56 pm

Marknis am very sorry you have had such difficult times since your leaving here , I do hope they improve for you ,
Or at least are more tolerable.
Dry pills a capsules require more viscous food or liquid , to help pills dissolve, every time you take them .
If you are engaging in water and dry tablets , it may very well not be enough to get them through the colon with drying up the colon . Generally this process should help to clear up or at least improve GI. Issues with in 2 weeks .
Just another FYI


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06 Nov 2020, 11:36 pm

Again.
Right now, socializing is dangerous.
Perky, healthy-appearing people may be carrying the Coronavirus.
People here in California have been arrested for organizing parties.
A local college-aged man wound up in the E.R., was diagnosed, hospitalized, explained to the Health Department and hospital staff that he had attended a ‘Coronavirus Party’ a week earlier, and no matter how hard they tried to save him, he died.


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funeralxempire
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07 Nov 2020, 1:12 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Never seen a doctor about it, but I have female doctors so it is not the thing to mention.


Why wouldn't you mention it to the doctor just because the doctor is a woman? Part of their job is to help with those exact problems.



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07 Nov 2020, 1:14 am

Marknis wrote:
I play it every once in a while. I am doing more drawing lately, though.

I’ve also been posting on Aspies Central. I might go there full time.


I'd like to get back into drawing but working full time doesn't leave me with much energy. It's good to know you're sticking with your creative endeavours, you sounded pretty discouraged from them last time I saw you posting.