I feel like a terrible person and a disgrace to WP. Goodbye

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enz
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12 Jun 2021, 7:57 pm

Dammit you are happily engaged why not just enjoy it



MaxE
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12 Jun 2021, 7:59 pm

Please stay.


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WitchsCat
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12 Jun 2021, 9:22 pm

You're not a terrible person at all. You have overcome so many obstacles in your life, and that's something to be proud of. We really hope you change your mind and stay.


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Mona Pereth
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13 Jun 2021, 1:49 pm

Salad, I too hope you stay.

As for the problem you mentioned, that some people here feel worse when reading about other people's good experiences, one way to solve that problem would be for the administrators of this forum to create either a positives-only sub-forum (as enz suggested here) or, perhaps, a positives-only sticky thread within each sub-forum. People with something to celebrate could then go to that sub-forum or the relevant sticky threads. People who don't want tor read about other people's positive experiences could simply avoid that sub-forum or those sticky threads.


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magz
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13 Jun 2021, 2:01 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Salad, I too hope you stay.

As for the problem you mentioned, that some people here feel worse when reading about other people's good experiences, one way to solve that problem would be for the administrators of this forum to create either a positives-only sub-forum (as enz suggested here) or, perhaps, a positives-only sticky thread within each sub-forum. People with something to celebrate could then go to that sub-forum or the relevant sticky threads. People who don't want tor read about other people's positive experiences could simply avoid that sub-forum or those sticky threads.

I don't think we should sweep happiness into a separate thread.
While WP hosts members with a variety of mental health issues and we try to be possibly inclusive in this regard (it's not always possible because of destructive potential of some issues), I don't think the whole site should walk on eggshells around unhealthy jealuosy.

Salad, stay! You are okay.


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dragonsanddemons
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13 Jun 2021, 2:41 pm

Seems kind of like saying nobody on a cancer support forum can say anything about remission. There is a big difference between sharing happiness and flaunting it, and salad, you were absolutely not doing the latter.


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Double Retired
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13 Jun 2021, 2:53 pm

Salad: When you read this you can obviously see the previous posts on this thread as well. Please graciously bow to Popular Demand and resume posting.

I know you are currently focused more on reassuring your fiancée that you understand and want to help her. But, as time permits, you can see that a number of us on WP would be happier if you returned.

Personally, I am looking forward to newlywed stories. Nothing personal, but I'm expecting some interesting ones. New husbands almost always end up looking confused at times. (My wedding day is a blur. I wonder if that is why my bride wanted there to be a photographer.)


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13 Jun 2021, 3:23 pm

magz wrote:
... While WP hosts members with a variety of mental health issues and we try to be possibly inclusive in this regard (it's not always possible because of destructive potential of some issues), I don't think the whole site should walk on eggshells around unhealthy jealousy.
Seconded.  Unhealthy jealousy has no place on WP (imho).  Expressing happiness and explaining its causes demonstrates that despite our setbacks and diminished abilities, we can still succeed and even thrive.  Sure, it requires more effort on our parts than it would for someone who was born a little closer to perfection; but the effort is well worth the results.  The fact that others have given up on improving themselves and their lives should in no way require the rest of us to surrender our own rights to pursue happiness and to speak up when we achieve it.
magz wrote:
Salad, stay!  You are okay.
Also seconded!

:D


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goldfish21
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13 Jun 2021, 5:58 pm

Fnord wrote:
magz wrote:
... While WP hosts members with a variety of mental health issues and we try to be possibly inclusive in this regard (it's not always possible because of destructive potential of some issues), I don't think the whole site should walk on eggshells around unhealthy jealousy.
Seconded.  Unhealthy jealousy has no place on WP (imho).  Expressing happiness and explaining its causes demonstrates that despite our setbacks and diminished abilities, we can still succeed and even thrive.  Sure, it requires more effort on our parts than it would for someone who was born a little closer to perfection; but the effort is well worth the results.  The fact that others have given up on improving themselves and their lives should in no way require the rest of us to surrender our own rights to pursue happiness and to speak up when we achieve it.
magz wrote:
Salad, stay!  You are okay.
Also seconded!

:D


This post sums it up nicely.


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Mona Pereth
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13 Jun 2021, 6:05 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Seems kind of like saying nobody on a cancer support forum can say anything about remission. There is a big difference between sharing happiness and flaunting it, and salad, you were absolutely not doing the latter.

How would you draw the line between these two things?


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Mona Pereth
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13 Jun 2021, 6:10 pm

magz wrote:
I don't think we should sweep happiness into a separate thread.
While WP hosts members with a variety of mental health issues and we try to be possibly inclusive in this regard (it's not always possible because of destructive potential of some issues), I don't think the whole site should walk on eggshells around unhealthy jealuosy.

You have a point here. Thinking about this some more, I agree.

magz wrote:
Salad, stay! You are okay.

With this I fully agree.


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dragonsanddemons
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13 Jun 2021, 8:43 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
Seems kind of like saying nobody on a cancer support forum can say anything about remission. There is a big difference between sharing happiness and flaunting it, and salad, you were absolutely not doing the latter.

How would you draw the line between these two things?


I really don’t know, I know very well that that line should not be drawn by me. But what I read from salad did not seem close enough to be questionable. Maybe it’s at least in part a perceived tone, which would make it extra challenging to determine online. I guess “flaunting” would be an attempt to cause jealousy, which did not seem to be the case here.

Sorry, I know my thinking is impaired now, and particularly putting my thoughts into words, due to the ECT I’m receiving.


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When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

Hating others for supporting hateful people does nothing to stop the spread of hatred.


kraftiekortie
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14 Jun 2021, 12:12 am

Dragon…your thoughts are very clear.

Criticizing one for being happy IS like someone criticizing someone on a cancer forum for being in remission.

You’re better than you think you are, Dragon!



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jun 2021, 12:48 am

What did it happe? Which thread?


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dragonsanddemons
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14 Jun 2021, 1:35 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Dragon…your thoughts are very clear.

Criticizing one for being happy IS like someone criticizing someone on a cancer forum for being in remission.

You’re better than you think you are, Dragon!


I really just meant in trying to think about what exactly separates flaunting from not-flaunting. I do think that analogy is a good one (even if it took me a bit to come up with it). But thank you :)


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.

Hating others for supporting hateful people does nothing to stop the spread of hatred.


kraftiekortie
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14 Jun 2021, 8:52 am

At least you came up with it.

That means you’re not a dreg like you think you are.