Why do bad people try to redeem themselves?

Page 2 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 37
Posts: 3,260
Location: canada

25 Jul 2021, 7:52 pm

But what I don't understand is, if an abusive father is doing it out of selfishness, how is raising a family selfish? If he was all about himself and didn't care about other people, why not just take what money he can and leave them, unless he has other selfish motives for them?



PhosphorusDecree
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2016
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,256
Location: Yorkshire, UK

31 Jul 2021, 7:52 pm

I can think of one evil scumbag who I wish had "owned his evil scumbagness." The estranged father of one of my friends pulled the whole deathbed redemption trick, thereby forcing her to witness the prolonged death from cancer of a man she had plenty of reason to hate but who was also, you know, her dad. This experience ****ed her up so badly she nearly killed herself. So, empty words from a scumbag who just wants to feel good about himself win zero sympathy from me.

The webcomic "Homestuck"mocked this kind of no-effort "redemption" in a storyline when a character who had previously gone on a killing spree and murdered two of his best friends is set free (from a locked fridge. It's a comic). He goes around saying that he's very sorry about it all, which means he's been Redeemed and everyone has to accept that and be nice to him.


_________________
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,176
Location: New York City (Queens)

01 Aug 2021, 10:54 am

ironpony wrote:
There are people I know who are bad to their kids, bad to their spouses, etc, but then they try to make up for it and try to do the right thing, and try to fix the problem.

What exactly are they doing by way of trying to fix the problem? For example, are they seeing a therapist for help with anger management, or whatever? Or are they just giving compensatory gifts and promising to never do it again?

If they aren't already seeking help, I would suggest that you search the web for some authorative-looking sources about the "cycle of abuse" and/or "cycle of family violence," and then tell them that if they are serious about breaking out of it, they need help from a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing, or at the very least they need a relevant support group, or something.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 37
Posts: 3,260
Location: canada

27 Aug 2021, 2:01 am

No they are not doing anything to help themselves I don't think. For example, two parents I know who abused their child, and treat her like garbage literally and abused her psychologically and physically... the child got hit by a drunk driver, and had to be hospitlized and fixed up but is okay.

Her dad, who is abusive to her and treats her like garbage was so mad at the drunk driver that he punched him when confronting him.

Why does the Dad all of a sudden care now? He acted like his kids are a nuissance to be abused yet he cared when one of them is hit a by a drunk driver... It's contradictory and makes no sense.

Why is he willing to risk as an assault charge, over defending a child he only cared to abuse the whole time? What does he gain by putting on this charade and risking jail time?