NTs don't know what it's like to be mildly disabled

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They think that either we're severely disabled or not disabled at all, so they act mean without realizing it and wonder why we get upset, or they take us seriously, but assume that we are more competent than we are.

And that makes us feel gaslit and crazy, because the same people will be nice to us one minute and callous the next, not because they're bad people but because they either see us as their disabled little sibling or they see us as their capable work colleague - which means they spend half their time accidentally treated us like s**t by not taking us seriously despite being willing to help us, and the other half of the time accidentally treating us like s**t by assuming we can swim when we sink.


You'll be with someone you think is a best friend and then they won't invite you to a party or something, because you're just their little sibling to them. Or you'll have someone who treats you like everyone else, but they expect you to be able to stand crowds, alcohol etc. and assume that if you don't, you're just complaining/a wimp when you complain or say no to them.

They think they'll be being nice to someone because that's how they treat their grandma, and then you complain about being left out and they feel as though grandma has asked to go clubbing with them. Or they'll think that someone is just another person, and you'll not be able to cope with something, and they'll feel like their boss has just asked them to wipe their bum.


You wind up being seen as the difficult one when you're not.

As people with invisible disabilities, we want to be treated like people with minor physical disablities like someone who just needs a hand now and then, but instead people either think we're mentally challenged or we don't need any help.

Ironically there's 3 common autistic traits here that NTs have; black and white thinking, not putting themselves in other people's shoes, and acting mean without realising and then not understanding why we got upset.

"You don't look sick, so stop faking it." -- An able-bodied person reacting to an asthma attack.

If a disability is not obvious, many able-bodied people will not believe it is real.

True, they don't know and they'll never know nor will they ever learn the hundreds of little things ASD affects.

All we can do is accept these truths and roll with it. Accept that social situations are going to be awkward, we're not going to enjoy the same things, we may be excluded etc.

Learn to enjoy your own company. Have several solo interests you can dive into while avoiding people. Try to make the most of social interactions when you have them and try not to stress too much about social interactions that go awry. IS what it is, and once they're done they're done and in the past. Dwelling on them won't benefit you one iota. Move on and do whatever your thing is - read, run, create art or music, learn things, play video games, go hiking or cycling, take photos, do some volunteer work - whatever - anything but dwell on things you cannot change.

Another primary problem for me is that hardly anyone who doesn’t have a disability that can fluctuate in intensity understand/believe the concept. They see me at my best one time and insist that I’m always capable of that (and indefinitely), and if I don’t show it, it’s because I’m lazy, not trying, and/or don’t care. I don’t think there’s a single person who’s met me in person who actually believes that I have selective mutism (which isn’t actually “selective” at all, I really hate that name), because I talk just fine sometimes, so clearly I just don’t want to I’ve spent my life being told my best isn’t good enough, because no one believes it actually is my best.

Yeaaaah, that part's fun, eh? People assuming that because you behaved a certain way at one point that you always can. Never really thought about that much before, but yeah, that's a thing - I'm sure for all of us to some extent.

As for mutism, Not to discount what you've said whatsoever, but it makes me wonder some things about possible biochemical processes that Could influence it. I typically talk a Lot, like the ADHD hyperactivity of excessive talking a lot - much more so years ago than now.. like 15 years ago my cousin's husband called me "talk-a-lot," lol. Anyways, when I smoke weed I'm much MUCH quieter. So much so that one time when I was 19yo and off shift at a pub I worked at I was sitting at a table with coworkers after my shift and our waitress asked me what was wrong, puzzled, I said "..Nothing ? Why ?" - "Because you're not talking." "Ooooh.. I'm just stoned." Makes me wonder if whatever smoking weed does can be done via diet and have a similar affect on dopamine/other transmitters - if there may be a correlation between what we ingest and then a lagging time period before it's outward affect on behaviour, in particularly speech.

Maybe. Maybe not. Just a thought.

I have two types of mutism, one is basically extreme social anxiety that paralyzes my vocal cords (no matter how hard I try to speak) and another where I just can’t even come up with words, somewhat correlating with overload and how much energy I have, but not entirely. But then, get me going on the right topic and I don’t shut up I suppose it’s possible that diet/intake has some sort of effect that’s delayed enough that I haven’t made the connection. Makes sense that anything significantly affecting those transmitters might at least affect talkativeness.

Reading this thread made me feel a lot better after being treated like a spoiled brat at a job interview.

Driving is very hard for me, doubly so since the drivers where i live are crazy and disregard rules all the time. So i mentioned the work place being easy to access by public transport is a plus for me. And they found this reason stupid.

Autism awareness especially high functioning autism is very low here. (apparently having a college degree is impossible if you have autism ) but that is how ignorant people are. Basically people like me who are mildly disabled doesn't exist here and there is no reason why someone can't drive among crazy drivers unless they are mentally challenged or something.

The story of my life. The judgementalism that can occur when people expect you to be good at x because you're good at y. The accusations that you're passive aggressive/ contrary/lazy etc . The lack of support for the things you struggle with. It took my (s) daughter, more insightful than any (mental) health professional I've known, to grasp that I could struggle when it came to certain things. That it had sod all to do with my being passive aggressive etc.