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Aysmptotes
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27 Jul 2007, 6:03 am

"An eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth," yeah sure alot of people say it and want to follow their actions likewise but it is all BS. I don't know. I don't have sympathy for alot of things and people, but at the same time I am so annoyed and confused at why people have sympathy for me. Why do people f*****g care if I am alright, okay, ect?

Why to people feel the urge to make people feel better about themselves. Like if someone said "I need to lose weight" Or something like that. The other person would be "Oh you are so not you are so skinny. Stay the way you are." What is the point to 'correct' them. I don't understand. Even if their complaint is blatantly true they would say "Well... no. Not THAT bad."

I don't get the point where if someone is depressed and obviously secludes themselves they feel like they need to do something about it. Or if the government finds out you are suicidal or something then they need to make you want to live. What if their argument is valid? I don't know. I am not saying that we should just let everyone die but I just want everyone out of my space. And alot of this stuff is just hypothetical. What is the point of keeping someone alive when the truth that the person lives with is that they can't do anything but be a burden.

I am just so f*****g annoyed. Why does someone I don't know cares if I live or die? I don't affect their life in anyway obvious so why do they care? If I met someone for a minute and said that I wanted to kill myself they would say "Oh you have so much to live for." or "You are such a great person." Blah Blah Blah. How do they know? For all they know I tortue the elderly in my basement. How do they know that I'm not flat broke with cancer thus I can't pay for any medical care thus my quality of life is in the s**t hole.

I don't know why if I totally have no interest in them and in what they do they still want to know about me or they wonder if I am okay.

Personally I don't think anyone should care about me and than they should just leave me alone because I am never alone anymore.



KaliMa
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27 Jul 2007, 8:42 am

Well, frankly, if you tell someone you feel suicidal or whatever you can't be surprised that they continue the conversation, especially if they are NT. Telling people stuff sort of invites a response. If someone asks how you are you can just say "fine, thanks, and you?" and don't share anything more. After all, that's not a lie if you really are fine with being suicidal or whatever. :wink: You're not required to share any details.

I do relate to your feeling like people pay too much attention to your business, however. I think that's just the NT way. I don't know if they're doing it in a "trying to seem friendly" way or a more negative, judgemental way, but it does get annoying.



Jutty
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27 Jul 2007, 8:59 am

My thoughts would be the complete opposite of the person that started this topic.



Aspie1
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27 Jul 2007, 9:57 am

Aysmptotes wrote:
Why to people feel the urge to make people feel better about themselves. Like if someone said "I need to lose weight" Or something like that. The other person would be "Oh you are so not you are so skinny. Stay the way you are."

I have a similar problem: I'm ugly. I know I'm ugly, and I already accepted the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. (Although I am considering getting a plastic surgery sometime in the next five years.) But people who I've shared my thoughts with tell me I look OK. That's the biggest bullcrap I ever heard. If I looked even remotely OK, I'd have a girlfriend, and not have to rely on escorts to get sex. But since 99.999% of girls don't like me, I must be ugly. (On a side note, I did have a relationship one time, but I wasn't attracted to her, just thankful that she liked me.) I can't help but feel bad for escorts, since they have to get intimate with a nasty-looking guy like me; but I pay my fee and treat them with respect, and I'm sure they've seen worse in their line of work.



jfberge
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27 Jul 2007, 11:07 am

Aysmptotes wrote:
if someone said "I need to lose weight" Or something like that. The other person would be "Oh you are so not you are so skinny. Stay the way you are." What is the point to 'correct' them. I don't understand. Even if their complaint is blatantly true they would say "Well... no. Not THAT bad."


It's social protocol. When someone says something critical about themself, they're usually fishing for a compliment, not seeking reaffirmation. Conversely, some people will complain about a generally positive aspect of themself to get affirmation ("I'm too skinny!"). In that case, they don't want to be assured that they aren't.

It's all a bit confusing.

Aysmptotes wrote:
I don't get the point where if someone is depressed and obviously secludes themselves they feel like they need to do something about it. Or if the government finds out you are suicidal or something then they need to make you want to live. What if their argument is valid? I don't know. I am not saying that we should just let everyone die but I just want everyone out of my space. And alot of this stuff is just hypothetical. What is the point of keeping someone alive when the truth that the person lives with is that they can't do anything but be a burden.


In this case, it may be due to fear and guilt regarding someone they knew who killed themself. My cousin and good friend killed himself a few years ago, and everyone was upset that they hadn't foreseen and tried to prevent this. Of course, this is mostly untrue. You can't save a person from themself.

Why try to dissuade a suicidal person? Having once been suicidal, I now appreciate the fact that it can be a temporary state of mind, yet results in a permanent outcome.

All that said, I get your point. A lot of public concern or attention is unnecessary and superficial, and serves mainly to alleviate the conscience of those involved.



larsenjw92286
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27 Jul 2007, 2:45 pm

I want you to succeed in life! I am very positive!


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jkrane
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27 Jul 2007, 9:57 pm

"How are you?"
"Fine, and you?"
"Fine"

I don't see the f*****g point. The person at the cash register, or the host at a restaurant or the person walking down the street doesn't give two s**ts about me, why are they asking me this?

What if I'm not fine? Then they get all wierded and NT'd up about my response, as if I didn't answer that superficial question properly. How the hell does one answer the question, "how are you?" with a cliche answer that may or may not depict how one is realling feeling?

Why do they care?

The answer is this: They don't care, and they never will. They just spit out pointless cliches because they were programmed to.
End of story.



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28 Jul 2007, 1:44 pm

The answer is simple: it's not that you have to reassure people as in a rule of politeness. It's that flattery gets you a very, very long way in life, so if you don't flatter (them or anyone else), people don't like you because they think you're someone who won't get far in life, a loser.

We live in the age of marketing and diplomacy (money oriented world) where people are admired for their ability to sugar-lie their way to the top. Honesty was a value when people depended on each other, needed to rely on each other. Nowadays people don't need each other, they only need money in order to survive and have a good life. If you're on your way to make money, you're sought. If you're honest, you're not much gain to them.

It's not that you're rude; it's that you're not worth their investment in you.


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aaronrey
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02 Aug 2007, 2:57 am

i hate the marketing thing. my friend works in the marketing department in a huge corporation. he said he has to entertain overseas clients when they're in town by taking them to dinner or other 'entertainment' like stripclubs or 'spa' or 'karaoke'. so if he doesnt entertain them, they dont want to be his clients? that's just ridiculous.

he also said that if they buy you a drink or offer you a cigar/cigarette, you have to take it otherwise they take offense. what if he doesnt smoke? what if he doesn't drink? does he have to smoke/drink because his job demands him to?



natty
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02 Aug 2007, 12:34 pm

I am notoriously truthfull, most people i now know, know damn well not to ask my opinion unless they truly want it . if you ask me does my bum look fat in this , ill likely say yes but your bum looks fat in everything because your bum is fat simple. im always constructive tho buy support pants or start a diet.Ive learned how to play the game , i know the socially appropriate responses to the usual questions , i just find it hard to use them , if im throwing up over the toilet and someone asks me if im ok , ill likely puke on them and then ask them if they are ok , because the answer is obvious. Its a stupid pointless game and i cant understand why people play it , other than it keeps things simple and people can look like they are nice when really they are as nasty as i am.

to the poster who thinks they dont get laid because there ugly.
I dont know if your ugly or not , but they do say beauty is in the eye of the beholder , i can testify to this personally because i have a hubby and im ugly . Also it may not be your ugliness that stops you getting laid , maybe your a miserable bastard like me in which case you are sure to get laid eventually because there are , believe it or not , plenty of us about, and that is both ugly and miserable.



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02 Aug 2007, 3:19 pm

aaronrey wrote:
i hate the marketing thing. my friend works in the marketing department in a huge corporation. he said he has to entertain overseas clients when they're in town by taking them to dinner or other 'entertainment' like stripclubs or 'spa' or 'karaoke'. so if he doesnt entertain them, they dont want to be his clients? that's just ridiculous.

he also said that if they buy you a drink or offer you a cigar/cigarette, you have to take it otherwise they take offense. what if he doesnt smoke? what if he doesn't drink? does he have to smoke/drink because his job demands him to?


Aaron,

Indeed. I am an international telecom sales coordinator, and that's what we do. All business is largely influenced by how people like you and how comfortable they feel with the person doing the selling (I'm talking millions $ here). And yes, the internet equipment you get will be very often determined by who your provider likes best as a drinking buddy in the huge corporation that sell the equipment. One of the reasons I work in back office only is that I can't drink as much as most clients expect the Sales Manager to.


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02 Aug 2007, 8:01 pm

It's called empathy. It's built into humans.


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gwenevyn
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03 Aug 2007, 12:39 am

A song for you here.



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03 Aug 2007, 1:56 am

I know everyone's going to bash me for this, but this is what I think.
95% of people don't know who you are can only feel so much sympathy.
The other 5% really loves you or is just trying to get something from you.


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Eric_C
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04 Aug 2007, 1:18 pm

I totally feel the same way at times. Esspecially when my parents pester me with 20 questions about my buissness. UGH! Wouldn't I like to say "SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!! !! !" and get away with it. But they're just trying to help me and see if I got everything down pat so I'll be able to do these sort of things automaticly when I'm on my own. Sometimes they can say something with a certain tone of voice and I can just freak out and say "Alright, what did I do wrong now?"

It's alot of confusion and pain! I know, I resently went through it about a half an hour ago. It totally feels like a sparp knife through my heart! I've scared my parents plenty. It totally sucks, I know.

Sometimes I wish that I had full control of the people in my life and I can only pick the people that I can relate to the must.
Trust me, I got no friends to relate to, I've never had a girl around my age love me, and I'm slowly getting ready to live on my own, plus I'm going to college for the first time.

It's very hard on me. Thank God I can relate to you guys and you guys can relate to me.

At least we got this fourm. I just want to thank Alex for that. Thank You so much Alex. ;)


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05 Aug 2007, 3:42 pm

Greentea wrote:
The answer is simple: it's not that you have to reassure people as in a rule of politeness. It's that flattery gets you a very, very long way in life, so if you don't flatter (them or anyone else), people don't like you because they think you're someone who won't get far in life, a loser.

We live in the age of marketing and diplomacy (money oriented world) where people are admired for their ability to sugar-lie their way to the top. Honesty was a value when people depended on each other, needed to rely on each other. Nowadays people don't need each other, they only need money in order to survive and have a good life. If you're on your way to make money, you're sought. If you're honest, you're not much gain to them.

It's not that you're rude; it's that you're not worth their investment in you.


My gawd, this is so true!