Framework for Care of Upset Person

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magz
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25 Oct 2021, 12:52 pm

No user on WrongPlanet since I keep the record, including the most awful cases, managed to upset hundreds of people. We're just too small a community.


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Fnord
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25 Oct 2021, 12:56 pm

badRobot wrote:
Fnord wrote:
badRobot wrote:
Fnord wrote:
badRobot wrote:
Yes, I know how reports work. My posts were removed from "The Haven" like 2, maybe 3 times total. And I honestly don't recall OPs asking me to leave their threads.
Quietly clicking the 'Report' button is much more effective than ruining a thread by engaging in an open conflict.
Yes, but it happened only once in "The Haven" and it was not OP who clicked it.
Your count may be way off, and there is no rule that says only the OP is allowed to report an offending post.
No, the idea of hundreds of people being upset by my actions is a figment of your imagination...
Speaking of figments of imagination, you seem to be imagining that I ever said any such thing.



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25 Oct 2021, 12:59 pm

magz wrote:
No user on WrongPlanet since I keep the record, including the most awful cases, managed to upset hundreds of people. We're just too small a community.

The fact is, my posts were removed like 2 or 3 time from "The Haven" and it wasn't OP who reported them. And I don't recall a single instance of OP asking me to leave.

So much for "all the people who asked you to leave their threads". "all the people" is ZERO.



magz
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25 Oct 2021, 1:02 pm

Well, I recall at least one but indeed it wasn't in The Haven.

Anyway: do you genuinely think you don't make distressed members even more uncomfortable?


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Fnord
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25 Oct 2021, 1:07 pm

badRobot wrote:
magz wrote:
No user on WrongPlanet since I keep the record, including the most awful cases, managed to upset hundreds of people. We're just too small a community.
The fact is, my posts were removed like 2 or 3 time from "The Haven" and it wasn't OP who reported them.  And I don't recall a single instance of OP asking me to leave...
Funeralxempire, are you there?



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25 Oct 2021, 1:15 pm

Fnord wrote:
badRobot wrote:
magz wrote:
No user on WrongPlanet since I keep the record, including the most awful cases, managed to upset hundreds of people. We're just too small a community.
The fact is, my posts were removed like 2 or 3 time from "The Haven" and it wasn't OP who reported them.  And I don't recall a single instance of OP asking me to leave...
Funeralxempire, are you there?


I was making food. Did I miss something? 8O


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 1:18 pm

magz wrote:
Anyway: do you genuinely think you don't make distressed members even more uncomfortable?

Yes, I don't. I assess situation every time and don't intervene when I'm not sure if it would be appropriate or when something can tip that person over in their current condition.

When I see consistent patterns of thinking, like I've already explained I'm trying to reframe what person feels upset about. Even if someone ends up being mad at me, but spends time offline thinking how to disprove my points why their situation isn't hopeless instead of contemplating something much worse due to hopelessness of their situation, it is a very good outcome.



badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 1:20 pm

Fnord wrote:
badRobot wrote:
magz wrote:
No user on WrongPlanet since I keep the record, including the most awful cases, managed to upset hundreds of people. We're just too small a community.
The fact is, my posts were removed like 2 or 3 time from "The Haven" and it wasn't OP who reported them.  And I don't recall a single instance of OP asking me to leave...
Funeralxempire, are you there?

Yes, maybe technically you are right, but this thread is not a call for support. This thread is about "Framework For Care Of Upset Person", topic relevant to this section, but probably it should be moved to a more appropriate place.



magz
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25 Oct 2021, 1:34 pm

badRobot wrote:
magz wrote:
Anyway: do you genuinely think you don't make distressed members even more uncomfortable?

Yes, I don't. I assess situation every time and don't intervene when I'm not sure if it would be appropriate or when something can tip that person over in their current condition.

When I see consistent patterns of thinking, like I've already explained I'm trying to reframe what person feels upset about. Even if someone ends up being mad at me, but spends time offline thinking how to disprove my points why their situation isn't hopeless instead of contemplating something much worse due to hopelessness of their situation, it is a very good outcome.
So, you think actions that make one mad at you are not making them uncomfortable?


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 1:46 pm

magz wrote:
badRobot wrote:
magz wrote:
Anyway: do you genuinely think you don't make distressed members even more uncomfortable?

Yes, I don't. I assess situation every time and don't intervene when I'm not sure if it would be appropriate or when something can tip that person over in their current condition.

When I see consistent patterns of thinking, like I've already explained I'm trying to reframe what person feels upset about. Even if someone ends up being mad at me, but spends time offline thinking how to disprove my points why their situation isn't hopeless instead of contemplating something much worse due to hopelessness of their situation, it is a very good outcome.
So, you think actions that make one mad at you are not making them uncomfortable?

Yes. When person already demonstrates persistent patterns of thinking associated with negative core affect my actions have little to no effect at making them any more uncomfortable whatever you mean by this. Even if this person ends up mad at me, I don't make them mad. I make them mad at me. Do you understand the difference?



magz
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25 Oct 2021, 1:49 pm

Not really - is it like punching someone already in extreme pain being okay because you can't add much to their pain?


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 1:58 pm

magz wrote:
Not really - is it like punching someone already in extreme pain being okay because you can't add much to their pain?

No, it's nothing like that. If you want to understand what I mean read some books on mainstream psychology you believe my thinking goes against, e.g. theory of constructed emotion.

If you want a simple example, it's like older sibling saying "I did it" when sees their drunk abusive father going to punch his little sister using some minor misdemeanor as an excuse for aggression.



magz
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25 Oct 2021, 2:06 pm

Constructed emotions mean people give discrete, culture-defined meanings (happy, sad, angry, etc.) to states within a continuous spectrum of possible emotional states.
How does that affect what you say?


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magz
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25 Oct 2021, 2:18 pm

badRobot wrote:
If you want a simple example, it's like older sibling saying "I did it" when sees their drunk abusive father going to punch his little sister using some minor misdemeanor as an excuse for aggression.

That sounds heroic but it doesn't help in long run. Actually, this behavior fits very well the dynamics of dysfunctional families and their perpetual suffering.

Apart from the fact that the connection between this and your previous post is far from visible.


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 2:25 pm

magz wrote:
badRobot wrote:
If you want a simple example, it's like older sibling saying "I did it" when sees their drunk abusive father going to punch his little sister using some minor misdemeanor as an excuse for aggression.

That sounds heroic but it doesn't help in long run. Actually, this behavior fits very well the dynamics of dysfunctional families and their perpetual suffering.

Apart from the fact that the connection between this and your previous post is far from visible.

This not an example of ideal family dynamics.

From this example do you see the difference between making this abusive person aggressive and redirecting their pre-existing aggression?



magz
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25 Oct 2021, 2:28 pm

Are you saying distressed members are abusive and you heroically redirect their abuse on yourself?


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