Framework for Care of Upset Person

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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 2:37 pm

magz wrote:
Are you saying distressed members are abusive and you heroically redirect their abuse on yourself?

No, this is not what I'm saying.



magz
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25 Oct 2021, 2:42 pm

Honestly, having grown up in a less-than-perfect home, I've learned the art of redirecting a loved one's agression quite well - but self-sacrificing is not the way you do it. The way you do it is redirect the energy from fighting to finding solutions by skillfully using knowledge on what that person likes and what calms them.
If the angry person now gets angry at you, it means failure.


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 2:57 pm

magz wrote:
Honestly, having grown up in a less-than-perfect home, I've learned the art of redirecting a loved one's agression quite well - but self-sacrificing is not the way you do it. The way you do it is redirect the energy from fighting to finding solutions by skillfully using knowledge on what that person likes and what calms them.
If the angry person now gets angry at you, it means failure.

There is not such thing as 'energy' in psychology. Even when you act friendly with an angry person effectively what you achieve is redirect anger of this person at himself, make him ashamed and guilty about their sh***y behavior, it motivates them to finding solutions. By being too nice with a depressed person acting aggressively, you can just as easily guilt them into committing suicide. Fundamentally it still works the same way I described. I'm not saying you should not be nice, I'm describing how it works.

Do you realize, that if I was depressed, I would be extremely upset by your actions right now? But if we would not have this discussion, I would still be upset, but for some other reason?

But I'm not upset at all, because your actions have little to no effect over my emotional state.



badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 4:47 pm

magz wrote:
Well, I recall at least one but indeed it wasn't in The Haven.

Have any OP ever specifically asked you to prevent my further participation in their threads because they asked me to leave them alone, but their request was ignored by me?

I don't recall anyone ever asking me to leave their thread. I believe your interference is your own initiative every time you show up in the thread and trying to enforce your personal "agree to disagree" policy.



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25 Oct 2021, 5:43 pm

magz wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's gonna take awhile to get used to whether it's a blanket ban or has leeway. I wonder if it's an option to turn them off server-side instead of relying on peoples memories?
That's a question to Cornflake.
Unfortunately the only options available are to selectively switch the signature off per post, or to switch it off completely. I can also switch it off completely server-side, but that would affect all members: their signatures would vanish immediately.

The first is available via the checkbox at the foot of a post edit window ("Attach a signature"), while the second is available in your profile settings: My Account > Board preferences > Edit posting defaults. There you can change the option next to "Attach my signature by default" to No.


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Cornflake
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25 Oct 2021, 5:55 pm

badRobot wrote:
There is not such thing as 'energy' in psychology.
But there is when it's used in ordinary speech as: "redirect the energy from fighting to finding solutions".
That is - take the effort and energy expended in order to fight, and redirect it into finding solutions instead.
Another way of putting it might be - if (generic "you") would only put as much effort into being reasonable as you put into being demanding, you'd find things become much easier.


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 6:00 pm

Cornflake wrote:
badRobot wrote:
There is not such thing as 'energy' in psychology.
But there is when it's used in ordinary speech as: "redirect the energy from fighting to finding solutions".
That is - take the effort and energy expended in order to fight, and redirect it into finding solutions instead.
Another way of putting it might be - if (generic "you") would only put as much effort into being reasonable as you put into being demanding, you'd find things become much easier.

This meaning doesn't apply to concept of core affect we were talking about.

I'm not being demanding, I'm being reasonable and persistent.

magz is the one who is unreasonably demanding in enforcing her personal opinion that I should "agree to disagree", while I don't think this is the right approach. Discussion is ongoing disagreement. Disagreements are OK. This not against the rules.



Last edited by badRobot on 25 Oct 2021, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

funeralxempire
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25 Oct 2021, 6:04 pm

Very well, we shall resume in an hour. 8)


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25 Oct 2021, 6:14 pm

:lmao: Yes, exactly...


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Cornflake
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25 Oct 2021, 6:18 pm

badRobot wrote:
This meaning doesn't apply to concept of core affect we were talking about.
But it does in the context of ordinary speech, which is how it was used and how I explained it.

Quote:
I'm not being demanding, I'm being reasonable and persistent.
A specifically indicated generic "you" is not "you personally".
It's not difficult.


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 6:26 pm

Cornflake wrote:
badRobot wrote:
This meaning doesn't apply to concept of core affect we were talking about.
But it does in the context of ordinary speech, which is how it was used and how I explained it.

No it doesn't in the context of our conversation about nature of emotions we had with magz, as I've already explained it.

Cornflake wrote:
Quote:
I'm not being demanding, I'm being reasonable and persistent.
A specifically indicated generic "you" is not "you personally".
It's not difficult.

Aah, silly me. Another way of putting it might be - if (generic "you") would only put as much effort into being reasonable as you put into being selfish prick, you'd find points made worth consideration. I see. Yes, in context of ordinary speech it makes sense, but still it doesn't apply to context of discussion we had with magz.



badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 6:29 pm

Cornflake wrote:
:lmao: Yes, exactly...

:lmao: Haha, right!



EdCase
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25 Oct 2021, 7:39 pm

badRobot wrote:
Aah, silly me. Another way of putting it might be - if (generic "you") would only put as much effort into being reasonable as you put into being selfish prick, you'd find points made worth consideration. I see. Yes, in context of ordinary speech it makes sense, but still it doesn't apply to context of discussion we had with magz.


Descending into name calling :roll:

As a person who isn't in any clique and is just a bystander to this conversation. I have decided to just add you to my ignore list. Congratulations, you're the first.

I don't expect you to think about why a neutral person might make that decision, but I hope you do.


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badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 7:57 pm

EdCase wrote:
badRobot wrote:
Aah, silly me. Another way of putting it might be - if (generic "you") would only put as much effort into being reasonable as you put into being selfish prick, you'd find points made worth consideration. I see. Yes, in context of ordinary speech it makes sense, but still it doesn't apply to context of discussion we had with magz.


Descending into name calling :roll:

As a person who isn't in any clique and is just a bystander to this conversation. I have decided to just add you to my ignore list. Congratulations, you're the first.

I don't expect you to think about why a neutral person might make that decision, but I hope you do.

I think you made this decision because you misinterpreted my words. Just like Cornflake did, I offered a generic example of what "energy" can mean in the context of ordinary speech. Like he said, a specifically indicated generic "you" is not "you personally" or anyone in particular. He didn't mean to say I'm being demanding, I didn't mean to say he is a selfish prick. Administrator of this site and a regular user having a conversation about meaning of word "energy" like two reasonable grown ups. That's it. I will not even add "It's not difficult" because I'm not this kind of person and don't want to appear condescending.



badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 8:28 pm

EdCase wrote:
I have decided to just add you to my ignore list. Congratulations, you're the first.

How does it work? Nothing had changed. Does it work only with posts after adding someone or is ignore list functionality broken here?

Somebody, help me test it. Fnord, can you tell me my points are irrelevant again? Or funeralxempire, could you make another irrelevant snarky remark or ask me about fish or something?

Quote:
You cannot add administrators and moderators to your foes list.

Damn it.



badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 11:20 pm

Cornflake wrote:
Unfortunately the only options available are to selectively switch the signature off per post, or to switch it off completely. I can also switch it off completely server-side, but that would affect all members: their signatures would vanish immediately.


You (generic "you") can do it literally in couple minutes by adding condition to post block template :lmao: