Framework for Care of Upset Person

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Cornflake
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26 Oct 2021, 10:18 am

We're not entirely unreasonable, as most members who've spoken with us will know - but attacks and belligerent arguing help no-one, least of all the one doing it.


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Fnord
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26 Oct 2021, 10:45 am

Cornflake wrote:
We're not entirely unreasonable, as most members who've spoken with us will know - but attacks and belligerent arguing help no-one, least of all the one doing it.
As some wise-guy has often said,

"Arguing with the moderators will always get you results; but maybe not the kind of results you would like."



IsabellaLinton
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26 Oct 2021, 1:23 pm

Here's a problem I've noticed with Haven.

Once we click "Post Reply", and start writing to someone, there's no reminder anywhere on the screen that we're in Haven. Sometimes I start responding to someone and I can't remember if I'm in Haven, or possibly a similar subforum like L&D, Psychological Conditions (depression or anxiety), Random (Rants, What Made You Unhappy Today?), or even Adult (relationship issues). I skip around between subfora quite a bit. I also have ADHD and a short attention span for remembering if I'm in Haven or not, and there's no way to tell after I start writing. The only option I can think of is opening another tab, going back into WP, and double checking. That's kind of a pain. Otherwise I might write something that isn't appropriate for a Haven response.

I wonder if other people have noticed this, or if there's a workaround for it?

Here's an example of what I'm writing now as a Haven response. I shrunk the view so you can see more of my screen, so you might want to zoom in.

Nowhere on the page does it remind me I'm in Haven:

Image

I can scroll down and see the most recent post (I do reverse / descending order), but I can't see any evidence of what thread I'm in, not even in the url.

I'm wondering if there could be a symbol or colour or something to remind people after they start writing a reply?



babybird
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26 Oct 2021, 1:24 pm

Yeah sometimes I think I'm in the members only area.



IsabellaLinton
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26 Oct 2021, 1:27 pm

babybird wrote:
Yeah sometimes I think I'm in the members only area.


Yeah, exactly. Good example.



IsabellaLinton
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26 Oct 2021, 1:35 pm

Image

I just wanted to clarify, I know it's visible here ^ when you're reading the thread. It says "The Haven".

As soon as you click to reply, that vanishes. Lots of times I take quite a while writing because Haven responses take time. If I'm mid-response, there's no way to see if I'm in Haven or not without backing out or opening a new tab.



Cornflake
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26 Oct 2021, 2:51 pm

Yeah, it's not very impressive.

But, there's a partial solution: when writing the message if you scroll right down to the bottom of the screen (the website's screen, not the edit window) there's a tiny little hint.

Right now it's showing "Board index › Coping in life › The Haven" as I type this - which is better than nothing, but only just. :lol:


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HeroOfHyrule
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26 Oct 2021, 3:08 pm

Cornflake wrote:
Yeah, it's not very impressive.

But, there's a partial solution: when writing the message if you scroll right down to the bottom of the screen (the website's screen, not the edit window) there's a tiny little hint.

Right now it's showing "Board index › Coping in life › The Haven" as I type this - which is better than nothing, but only just. :lol:

I didn't notice that before, and I think it's very useful. Thank you for pointing this out.


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IsabellaLinton
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26 Oct 2021, 5:49 pm

Cornflake wrote:
Yeah, it's not very impressive.

But, there's a partial solution: when writing the message if you scroll right down to the bottom of the screen (the website's screen, not the edit window) there's a tiny little hint.

Right now it's showing "Board index › Coping in life › The Haven" as I type this - which is better than nothing, but only just. :lol:


(Isabella blushes profusely). :oops:



PunkShrink
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26 Oct 2021, 10:13 pm

Dear BadRobot!

Since you have stopped replying here, but I can't imagine you would voluntarily, I will assume you have been banned. If you are reading this (I'm pretty sure you are), please let me share some helpful thoughts with you.

First of all, I've been following this discussion with a great interest. Your understanding of psychology is impressive and you make interesting points, but I would guess you wonder why some people respond with hostility and perceive your tone as demanding? Why so your discussions end up as endless arguments without resolution despite neat arguments and all the reasoning?

I might have an answer for you. Have you ever been assessed for OCD? This is a very common co-morbid condition of ASD. It feels like you are unable to let go, resist your compulsion to reply and push people too far. Considering how much effort you put into formulating and structuring your arguments, I'm almost 100% sure you have OCD.

Regarding your approach you have to accept the fact that mental health isn't just about scientific evidence. Politics and culture are also important, it might take decades until findings of current research would reach point of acceptance by general public. You don't have to prove anything, your point of view might be rejected now, but it is still valid.

Don't blame yourself, probably you wish you could stop obsessing, but just can't. This is not your fault, OCD is a serious condition.

You would probably find all the information you need, but I would suggest some coping strategies to help you detach from this discussion as the first step:

- Every time you have a strong compulsion to re-read this thread, try to refocus your attention, you can do jumping jacks, recite the lyrics to your favorite song or say the alphabet backward.

- Don't hold grudges, you are not the first and not the last person who got in trouble due to mental health condition.

If you can't overcome this obsession, please seek professional support and counseling, I hope you don't need it.

Good luck!



PunkShrink
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27 Oct 2021, 11:23 am

Since I have addressed one "side" here ("side" in quotation marks, I believe we are all in the same boat here), I would like to balance out my position a little.

I don't think there is only one side to "blame" (again in quotation marks, I don't blame anyone for having a condition) in case of conflicts of this kind.

Cornerstone of disagreement leading to this conflict is strong disapproval of attempts to use "negative reinforcement" to help depressed people. Yes, this is questionable, but at the same time it would be irresponsible not to acknowledge that strongly negative expression of this disapproval directed at a person, potentially just as vulnerable as any other user here, is exactly the same form of negative reinforcement if not even more controversial. What we are having here is both "sides" implementing the same approach, both commiting the same "sin" fighting over it. We should not forget our own beliefs when we are putting up a fight to protect them.

"Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" comes to mind.

If both "sides" would put more effort into being a little more considerate, into reaching constructive resolution of this disagreement, this situation could have been handled with much more positive outcome.

Make peace, not war!



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27 Oct 2021, 11:33 am

I'm glad you posted this. I can't understand why badRobot would have been banned (if he was). I'm thinking that maybe he's having a bit of a break. I know that in my real life I can get to a point where my head won't stop from going over the same point and it has got me into trouble because people just don't understand its actually an illness and I'm not doing it on purpose.

I hope you're OK badRobot if you are reading this.



PunkShrink
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28 Oct 2021, 6:26 pm

babybird wrote:
I'm glad you posted this. I can't understand why badRobot would have been banned (if he was). I'm thinking that maybe he's having a bit of a break. I know that in my real life I can get to a point where my head won't stop from going over the same point and it has got me into trouble because people just don't understand its actually an illness and I'm not doing it on purpose.

I hope you're OK badRobot if you are reading this.


Sadly it looks like BadRobot is no longer a member of this community. I've created my account to ask for permission to use his article "Single? Enjoy it!" in my video and to try and mediate this conflict, encourage him to redirect his efforts from time-consuming debates and trying to reach each person individually to publishing more good articles, raise awareness. Ironically this situation is a perfect example of failure to redirect the energy from fighting to finding solutions. "throw the baby out with the bath water" is what comes to mind.

I know time and energy of the moderators here are very limited, but considering demographics of this community I would strongly suggest application of basic conflict resolution strategies to avoid aversive disciplinary measures at all costs. Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power!

Good luck!



Cornflake
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29 Oct 2021, 8:21 am

In these cases there is often much discussion hidden from public view in PMs; thus it was with badRobot, and he'd already been warned several times about his behavior and disruptive influence on threads.
This wasn't the first instance of his intransigence and refusal to accept moderator direction, and endlessly arguing the toss at every opportunity.

Respectfully, discussion of banned members and why they were banned is also prohibited by the site rules:
viewtopic.php?t=263570

Further, content may not be used or copied without the consent of the site owner:
https://wrongplanet.net/terms-of-use/


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29 Oct 2021, 8:27 am

@ PunkShrink: A wise man once said, "Stealing from one writer is plagiarism; stealing from many is research".

There may be more articles out on the Internet expressing the same or similar views as the ones you found here.


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29 Oct 2021, 8:46 am

There are those occasions when I disagree with something someone has said or their opinion on something. I run the rule of 'agree to disagree' in this situation if I am posting.

There are those times when I get annoyed by a post and will write a response then have second thoughts...saying nothing is usually the best option.

There is absolutely no point getting into an argument. All this does is cause ill feeling and potential damage to the forum.


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