AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 70,124
Location: Portland, Oregon
08 Dec 2021, 4:56 pm
08 Dec 2021, 5:15 pm
Are you also talking to your fiancé? I hope he’s listening to you.
You are much better than you think you are. I believe you are your own worst enemy.
I almost wish you could do full-time with the bus company—but I’m not going to directly advocate that.
Your mum would love it if you pay tribute to her at Christmas in some way.
And stop comparing yourself to other people. It’s something that is a lose-lose proposition for even the “best” of people.
I set up my Christmas tree, all lit up with lights. I did it for my mum.
Yes I am my own worst enemy. I treat myself how I would never treat other people. I don't know how to stop.
I've always compared myself to my peers - whether they're NT or not. I do this more when depressed. I suppose that is a symptom of depression. I suppose I'm finding it hard to move on from the past, like I'm in purgatory; I can't forgive myself for all my social failures so I can't move on. And when the same social rejection/isolation is still happening to me in adulthood as it did in high school, it's hard to forget and move on. Whenever I do get excluded from social activities, it haunts me back to my high school days, and because I've developed much better social skills since then, I feel I shouldn't be socially rejected any more. Other adult Aspies seem to be included in social activities with their peers.
I understand this. Comparing oneself to others and judging oneself as inferior is a sign of low self-esteem, which is definitely a symptom of depression. If it weren't for the (thankfully) very effective meds I'm on I'd probably still be in the same position. I've learnt over time that harshly judging oneself in relation to others - whilst a perfectly natural thing to do - also blocks any progress you make as a person. I managed to pull myself out of that mental mode
eventually, but it took a good fifteen years and lots of help from others.
Glad you feel better today. Your post had me wondering about one thing - you say you can't make friends and are excluded socially. Do you really not have any friends or is it just that depression prevents you from valuing the ones you do have? Have certainly been prone to the latter during bouts of depression myself.
I don't compare myself with other people.
I think it is a Buddhist ideology type of thing, that I found independently.
You do the best with the cards dealt you.
Some are simply more *lucky* than others. <shrug>
I have a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem, btw.
I am full of it.
08 Dec 2021, 5:18 pm
I am a suburban recluse and that is the way I like it.
"To each their own."
08 Dec 2021, 5:22 pm
Was that "wise man" actually a "wise skunk", by any chance?
I.E. Moi?
kokopelli
Veteran
Joined: 27 Nov 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,657
Location: amid the sunlight and the dust and the wind
08 Dec 2021, 5:22 pm
08 Dec 2021, 5:24 pm
Once I saw in a meme an analogy about quality of friends, it said something like "I'd prefer to pay with a £1 coin than with 100 pennies". I can't explain it but I know what it means.
NTs often have a great many superficial friendships.
Autistic are known for having fewer friends, but deeper connections.
08 Dec 2021, 7:09 pm
Once I saw in a meme an analogy about quality of friends, it said something like "I'd prefer to pay with a £1 coin than with 100 pennies". I can't explain it but I know what it means.
NTs often have a great many superficial friendships.
Autistic are known for having fewer friends, but deeper connections.
True. I guess that what makes us unique in a way.
09 Dec 2021, 2:15 am
09 Dec 2021, 7:12 am
09 Dec 2021, 9:17 am
Was that "wise man" actually a "wise skunk", by any chance?
I.E. Moi?
Oh yeah. I remember bumping into you in Manchester in the winter of 1989. We had a brief exchange of words. That's when you told me.
09 Dec 2021, 11:05 am
I was in Manchester in 1996 
How are you today, Joe?
09 Dec 2021, 5:21 pm
Was that "wise man" actually a "wise skunk", by any chance?
I.E. Moi?
Oh yeah. I remember bumping into you in Manchester in the winter of 1989. We had a brief exchange of words. That's when you told me.
I was over in the UK looking for Joe, at the time.
I wanted to give her a bunch of flowers.
I didn't find her, however.
10 Dec 2021, 8:01 am
I know it's a joke. 
I'm OK, the funeral has been and gone now and it was an extremely emotional service but I cheered up at the wake where there were lots of people hugging me and complimenting.
I've figured Aspies that get drunk have better social lives and better chance of fitting in and being accepted than those that are teetotal like myself. I think being teetotal is mostly the reason I'm socially isolated. My socially awkward cousin drinks a lot and she becomes really chatty and loud and makes friends who still seem to remain friends even when she's not drunk. So I'm thinking of ways of getting drunk without the hangover, as I have a phobia of vomiting. It takes a lot of alcohol for me to get drunk enough to enhance my social skills, so I know I'll end up ill if I did get drunk. But it would be nice to become the life and soul of the party for once in my life. My socially awkward cousin is usually shy but when she's drinking she becomes extroverted. I'd love to get like that.
10 Dec 2021, 9:24 am
I am happy you are alright.
10 Dec 2021, 9:29 am
10 Dec 2021, 12:55 pm
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