I'm thinking of committing suicide

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AnonymousAnonymous
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08 Dec 2021, 4:56 pm

Greetings, Joe!


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Pepe
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08 Dec 2021, 5:15 pm

Bustduster wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope the doctor treats you well, and listens to you.

Are you also talking to your fiancé? I hope he’s listening to you.

You are much better than you think you are. I believe you are your own worst enemy.

I almost wish you could do full-time with the bus company—but I’m not going to directly advocate that.

Your mum would love it if you pay tribute to her at Christmas in some way.

And stop comparing yourself to other people. It’s something that is a lose-lose proposition for even the “best” of people.


I set up my Christmas tree, all lit up with lights. I did it for my mum.

Yes I am my own worst enemy. I treat myself how I would never treat other people. I don't know how to stop.

I've always compared myself to my peers - whether they're NT or not. I do this more when depressed. I suppose that is a symptom of depression. I suppose I'm finding it hard to move on from the past, like I'm in purgatory; I can't forgive myself for all my social failures so I can't move on. And when the same social rejection/isolation is still happening to me in adulthood as it did in high school, it's hard to forget and move on. Whenever I do get excluded from social activities, it haunts me back to my high school days, and because I've developed much better social skills since then, I feel I shouldn't be socially rejected any more. Other adult Aspies seem to be included in social activities with their peers.


I understand this. Comparing oneself to others and judging oneself as inferior is a sign of low self-esteem, which is definitely a symptom of depression. If it weren't for the (thankfully) very effective meds I'm on I'd probably still be in the same position. I've learnt over time that harshly judging oneself in relation to others - whilst a perfectly natural thing to do - also blocks any progress you make as a person. I managed to pull myself out of that mental mode
eventually, but it took a good fifteen years and lots of help from others.

Glad you feel better today. Your post had me wondering about one thing - you say you can't make friends and are excluded socially. Do you really not have any friends or is it just that depression prevents you from valuing the ones you do have? Have certainly been prone to the latter during bouts of depression myself.


I don't compare myself with other people.
I think it is a Buddhist ideology type of thing, that I found independently.
You do the best with the cards dealt you.
Some are simply more *lucky* than others. <shrug>

I have a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem, btw.
I am full of it. :mrgreen:


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


Pepe
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08 Dec 2021, 5:18 pm

Steve1963 wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I have a very small circle of friends
Consider yourself lucky then. I would kill (fine...not really kill) for a small circle of friends. Or a friend.


I am a suburban recluse and that is the way I like it.
"To each their own." 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


Pepe
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08 Dec 2021, 5:22 pm

babybird wrote:
A wise person once said to me that you can count your true friends in life on the fingers of one hand.


Was that "wise man" actually a "wise skunk", by any chance?
I.E. Moi? :scratch: :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


kokopelli
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08 Dec 2021, 5:22 pm

I have many acquaintances, but few friends. In a small country community like I live in, it would be impossible to not know everyone.



Pepe
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08 Dec 2021, 5:24 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Well maybe if I looked at my life from third person point of view my life might look more social than I think it is. But I suppose it's small compared to my NT peers.

Once I saw in a meme an analogy about quality of friends, it said something like "I'd prefer to pay with a £1 coin than with 100 pennies". I can't explain it but I know what it means.


NTs often have a great many superficial friendships.
Autistic are known for having fewer friends, but deeper connections. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


skrish234
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08 Dec 2021, 7:09 pm

Pepe wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Well maybe if I looked at my life from third person point of view my life might look more social than I think it is. But I suppose it's small compared to my NT peers.

Once I saw in a meme an analogy about quality of friends, it said something like "I'd prefer to pay with a £1 coin than with 100 pennies". I can't explain it but I know what it means.


NTs often have a great many superficial friendships.
Autistic are known for having fewer friends, but deeper connections. 8)


True. I guess that what makes us unique in a way.



WeirdMetronome
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09 Dec 2021, 2:15 am

Joe90 wrote:
I worry about being too intrusive or too aloof.


I can relate to this one a lot, it's also why I struggle to make and keep friends.

I think having a small circle of friends sounds pretty normal for most adults though. I get the impression it's much harder to make new friends when you are an adult, even if you aren't autistic. If you know others who have a lot of friends I find it difficult to believe that they are particularly meaningful friendships, they are probably very superficial.



Pepe
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09 Dec 2021, 7:12 am

WeirdMetronome wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I worry about being too intrusive or too aloof.


I can relate to this one a lot, it's also why I struggle to make and keep friends.

I think having a small circle of friends sounds pretty normal for most adults though. I get the impression it's much harder to make new friends when you are an adult, even if you aren't autistic. If you know others who have a lot of friends I find it difficult to believe that they are particularly meaningful friendships, they are probably very superficial.


Yup.
Most relationships are superficial, imo.


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


babybird
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09 Dec 2021, 9:17 am

Pepe wrote:
babybird wrote:
A wise person once said to me that you can count your true friends in life on the fingers of one hand.


Was that "wise man" actually a "wise skunk", by any chance?
I.E. Moi? :scratch: :mrgreen:


Oh yeah. I remember bumping into you in Manchester in the winter of 1989. We had a brief exchange of words. That's when you told me.



kraftiekortie
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09 Dec 2021, 11:05 am

I was in Manchester in 1996 :)

How are you today, Joe?



Pepe
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09 Dec 2021, 5:21 pm

babybird wrote:
Pepe wrote:
babybird wrote:
A wise person once said to me that you can count your true friends in life on the fingers of one hand.


Was that "wise man" actually a "wise skunk", by any chance?
I.E. Moi? :scratch: :mrgreen:


Oh yeah. I remember bumping into you in Manchester in the winter of 1989. We had a brief exchange of words. That's when you told me.


I was over in the UK looking for Joe, at the time.
I wanted to give her a bunch of flowers. :heart: :mrgreen:
I didn't find her, however. :(
This is a joke. I hope people realise that. :?


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


Joe90
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10 Dec 2021, 8:01 am

I know it's a joke. :lol:

I'm OK, the funeral has been and gone now and it was an extremely emotional service but I cheered up at the wake where there were lots of people hugging me and complimenting.

I've figured Aspies that get drunk have better social lives and better chance of fitting in and being accepted than those that are teetotal like myself. I think being teetotal is mostly the reason I'm socially isolated. My socially awkward cousin drinks a lot and she becomes really chatty and loud and makes friends who still seem to remain friends even when she's not drunk. So I'm thinking of ways of getting drunk without the hangover, as I have a phobia of vomiting. It takes a lot of alcohol for me to get drunk enough to enhance my social skills, so I know I'll end up ill if I did get drunk. But it would be nice to become the life and soul of the party for once in my life. My socially awkward cousin is usually shy but when she's drinking she becomes extroverted. I'd love to get like that.


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10 Dec 2021, 9:24 am

I am happy you are alright.

:D



kraftiekortie
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10 Dec 2021, 9:29 am

Me too!

But please, do not seek to "get drunk without a hangover." Don't get yourself into the habit of drinking alcohol so you can be "make friends."

This is not a "morality" thing with me. It's more like I've seen too many people become alcoholics because they wanted to be accepted by people.



Joe90
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10 Dec 2021, 12:55 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Me too!

But please, do not seek to "get drunk without a hangover." Don't get yourself into the habit of drinking alcohol so you can be "make friends."

This is not a "morality" thing with me. It's more like I've seen too many people become alcoholics because they wanted to be accepted by people.


I don't think I'll turn into an alcoholic, as most people I know who drink aren't alcoholics and I'm quite independent in my thinking so I don't really get addicted (I tried smoking before when I was 12 to impress my brother's friends but I never got hooked on it like they did). But I live in a society where drinking alcohol is valued by everybody (except religions that don't support drinking, and people who are ill or disabled or whatever), so it's not always the fact that alcohol enhances your social skills but the fact that people think there's something wrong with you if you don't drink. I've often had to explain myself or felt different or abnormal because of not drinking. It feels like I'm my own worst enemy because I'm teetotal - even though being teetotal is supposed to be a GOOD thing.


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I don't like autism being mentioned to me as I'm partly in denial.