Falling out with friend

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Warning: Profanity ahead

So two days ago I had a falling out with a friend. His girlfriend talked to me in the hallway, and she asked whether I liked her boyfriend. I said no, but she said it was obvious and that he was uncomfortable. He made his girlfriend do it, because he was too scared to tell me himself. That Motherf***er just mistook my friendliness as something more than that. I deleted his number and all, but I am still mad at him and his girlfriend too. What a f*****g coward!! It's been only two days and I am still so shaken up about it. Any tips on how to deal with this stuff?

I've had this same problem before with this girl I used to be "friends" with. She hated any female talking to her boyfriend and if they did she'd accuse them of flirting with him. I liked her boyfriend but not in a sexual way, just as a friend. We had the same sense of humour and he always made me laugh. The stupid girl would tell me not to flirt with him. But it turns out she was just really immature, and insecure, and that any normal adult would see that the interaction between me and him was just harmless chatter. The girl just needed educating.

So maybe it's the same in your situation. Maybe they're just immature and stupid.

I think he was trying to make his girlfriend jealous and used you to do it. It's cool or not cool depending on how close the two of you are and whether he discussed it with you before he did it. I take it he did not...

The concept of a female wingman is pretty cool though...

How do you know that it’s not just his girlfriend is jealous and is playing you, to get you away from him? That would be another reason she did it and not him.

I have no idea. That could've happened, but still the whole thing doesn't make sense

Something happened to me in the following situation, my ex was unable to get over his ex and he broke up with me and got back constantly. When we were split up i asked his ex why he's not dating and found out he just doesn't feel towards anyone anymore and he's tried a lot. I can't remember if i gave him a tip my ex was into him or not when we were split up once but it was very messy and it felt like an unnecessary trio. In a way I hated that my ex wasn't into me anymore and kept thinking about his ex and talking about him all the time and in a way I wanted them to be happy. I wasn't even though I got to the bottom of it. I'm so glad it's over.

You don't want to get between any couple whatever the situation was, trust me, you did the right thing. It's just sad to see that friendship go and things develop in that way in this situation. It's a mess. It seems to me that he might've had a crush on you and told her or she was just lying about him? Have you actually talked to him to confirm? Hope you will find the strength to move on. You didn't have any fault in this.

Any mature concerned woman would have made sure her boyfriend is never alone with the one he's got feelings for or cuts ties with them. It's basic knowledge, the guy is obviously tempted by someone like that. If he's willing to continue his mental crush and adventure it could be dangerous and show disloyalty, especially if he actually wanted to confess his feelings to you. I'm just shook because you had no idea about it, im sure it was intense for her to come to you to tell you, but maybe she needed to know whether you've been having something going on behind her back. I'm not surprised she's angry. I'm not surprised you are either.

Any man who pulls off such games and emotionally messes with a woman and friends is not a decent man. And any woman who pushes away the support of the guy she's with and makes up such an elaborate story is a snake.

Thank you all for the advice

I was reading your post:

No, it probably was not him who didn’t want to be your friend. Rather, that is we his girlfriend being a snake in the grass. She was jealous of you but didn’t want to tell you the truth. So instead, she hid behind him by breaking up your friendship. That’s the oldest trick in the book too.

I wanted to add one more thing to this situation regarding the situation with your former friend's new girlfriend. If I were in your shoes, I would feel hurt too.

Anyway, I would also like to also add to the reason why your ex friend's girlfriend is dislikes you. Additionally to her jealousy, she sees you as she would probably see any other woman as competition. She would probably weed any other women out of his life who she sees as a threat.

I have had quite a few experiences of females who I was friends with who saw me as a threat when they began dating. One of them in particular was someone who I went to school with. She was very threatened by me when she started dating guy who I also happened to be friends with because I was also interested in dating him. That said, she was threatened by other girls. Therefore, when they were together, he was not allowed to talk to other women.


I also have a friend of mine who just broke up with his girlfriend last weekend over a very similar situation.

You would have the most to gain out of such a friendship, you want to be with that person. It's all about perspective and what's best for you isn't necessarily best for others. Each person has different feelings, jealousy, concern, weakness, temptation. The moment you think your feelings are superior or more righteous you're not able to see the full picture.

If we're talking about morality, why would you hope or risk to be coming between two people and to offer a place to go for the person in case it fails. Like that takes away from the commitment focus, if things aren't going well.

And we're talking about actually him being tempted, which is even more difficult of a situation, if he's going to pursue it and do what the girlfriend would dislike behind her back it will be disloyal. If he tells her he's already wanted to, it takes a mistake to just be like, fine, whatever. No one wants to lose their side of the equation but sometimes it's no way for everyone to get what they want. And sometimes as a girlfriend I had to leave that mess because they just didn't care about me, either of them and I wasn't about to go on unrequited and cheated on. When you're too nice and dumb for your own good people just think it's the best but it's not. Sometimes you just know that there's nothing for you down that path, especially with experience and reading.

Sometimes the duty of a loved one is to resist temptation and remove the source so they don't fall in. As a lover why should I be exposed to ongoing situation of an interaction between loved one and their crush on and on. No one has to be in extremes. You're either too much of a wuss or you're too domineering. I think this is a good situation where people should set boundaries and make the hard decisions. And as a friend you have to remember you're not their girlfriend, even if you're tempted to want something else, and you shouldn't get between their arguments, it's their business.

I know that sometimes, it is feasible for partners to find someone else attractive, but if you respect the relationship you are in, then you accept the fact you are taken, and you move on before anything else develops. The reality is that we can control our emotions and those feelings about people, especially early on.

That is what I call being responsible, protective and respectful of the relationship you are in. If he really wanted to date the other guy, then he should break it off with gf and then with a clear mind, move on.

Also just because he chose to break up doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. Putting anyone, or even more, choosing them before your s o is unjustified in a commitment. They have a lot to learn about that.

I’ve had similar things happen to me. Once, one of my best friends ghosted me when she got a boyfriend. Then about a year later after they broke up we reconnected. She told me that she was jealous of me and that she didn’t want me around her bf. I only met him once and she didn’t think I was flirting with him or anything though. I was so hurt I cussed her out and never spoke to her again. Envy is a form of hatred in my opinion.

I agree with the other posters that the girlfriend is likely lying. If you wanted to screw with her, you could always contact him and faux apologize and expose everything she said to you. Like say something like “Your girlfriend told me that you thought I was flirting with you and it made you uncomfortable. I am so sorry that i gave you the wrong impression….” Etc. You can even throwin reference to your ASD diagnosis. And say that you won’t contact them, but just wanted to apologize and correct the misinterpretation.

I know, pretty sneaky. But you actually aren’t doing anything WRONG by doing this. And if the gf is lying *shrug* Ooops! I guess you’ll have exposed her. I consider this justice, not drama, but ymmv.

I'm sorry this happened. Unfortunately it sounds like you're better off without dealing with their relationship dynamics, but I know it's always really hard to lose a friend, no matter the circumstances.

How do you know he made her do it? How do you know that she wasn't lying to you about this, and that it wasn't entirely her idea to tell you what she told you?

I think it's more likely that the initiative came from her than that it came from him. My guess is that her jealousy is the root of the problem. Some people are extremely jealous and habitually try to cut their partners off from old friends, especially friends of the opposite sex (if they are heterosexual).

Personally, I have always refused to get involved with anyone who would be so jealous as to try to cut me off from old friends. This kind of jealousy is one of the warning signs of a potential abusive partner. But some people accept this kind of jealousy as normal, even inevitable.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 01 Apr 2022, 4:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

This seems to me like reasonable advice.