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blitzkrieg
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06 Mar 2022, 8:04 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
I'm not a "good person". I just am not. And I knew from a very early age.

No, I wasn't judged or labeled at such.
And no, it didn't stemmed from guilt or shame, but indulgence.

People telling me to be kind or nice or gentle or whatever virtuous and moral crap just annoys the sh*t out of me.
So I hate shame and guilt or whatever people calls a conscience.


And no, I'm not a sociopath who can't tell from good and evil. I just wish I don't care.
A lot of things I could've achieved and done in life if it were the case.

But I cared too much. The person I'm born as is an emotional crap whose lens are too colored and fussy, than the supposed unemotional hyper rational kind.
I don't like it. It held me back.

And it's one of the aspects I truly dislike about autism -- it made me incompetent in this particular area I want to act upon.


Emotions are complex & everybody has an individual emotional landscape, and the only way to truly know a person is to meet them in the context of an in person meeting.

That is difficult as a disabled person & social meetings need to be done in a safe manner.

I don't want to "be" within the "safe" places to supposedly enjoy peace.
I've been living in such my whole life.

I just am not the right person who truly enjoy it and appreciate it.

I want to create the unsafe and the unpeaceful.
But I can't. It's the only basis I truly considered myself disabled.


This is very insightful.



lostonearth35
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07 Mar 2022, 1:07 am

Just for fun I've decided to title my confessions with one of the Seven Deadly Sins that "goes" with it. The last one was gluttony, this one will be...

SLOTH: I only wash my bed sheets once a month instead of every week like you're supposed to. Even worse, I sleep in just my underwear and a tank top, so more of my body fluids, especially sweat, are getting into the sheets. They never stink or look soiled, but we all know something can look clean but be crawling with horrible bacteria. Also It takes me about a couple of days to wash all my blankets and sheets, especially in the winter when I use more blankets.



auntblabby
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07 Mar 2022, 1:31 am

i sleep in my bday suit always, and i last washed my bedding i can't remember how long ago, same for my daily clothing. i am quite the slob.



Dillogic
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07 Mar 2022, 6:05 am

Self-harm

Fighting (PTSD causing stuff)

Harming those I love/I've loved emotionally



auntblabby
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07 Mar 2022, 6:58 am

when i was young and dumb i pulled a pubic hair off of a cadaver. not respectful at all.



Jakki
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07 Mar 2022, 10:04 am

Just want to pass over with the least amount of pain and suffering….. have had enough of this …..
But weirdly enough people seem to enjoy my company .


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VegetableMan
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07 Mar 2022, 10:27 am

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.


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Misslizard
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07 Mar 2022, 11:20 am

I shot the sheriff, but I did not kill the deputy.


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And So It Goes
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07 Mar 2022, 1:45 pm

Despite having no genuine interest at all with reconnecting with my father after 9 years, I kind of want to, just so I can tell him how far I've come without his help, before he'll allegedly take credit. :lol:


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blitzkrieg
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07 Mar 2022, 7:26 pm

And So It Goes wrote:
Despite having no genuine interest at all with reconnecting with my father after 9 years, I kind of want to, just so I can tell him how far I've come without his help, before he'll allegedly take credit. :lol:


This is a very normal, human thought!

Here is my human thought:

I am sorry to anyone I have offended with some of my recent revelations.

If I am not honest with my feelings, then I feel as though I am disrespecting you. And I do not wish to do that.

Sweet little lies ain't my thing.

I love humanity. All of humanity. LGBTQ+ people, black people, Muslim people, every type of person imaginable.

I pledge myself to God, the almighty father.



blitzkrieg
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07 Mar 2022, 7:30 pm

I want to create a race of super-spergs.

Every last Autistic human will rule the entire galaxy, from this side of the universe to the next, backwards again, and a nose diving forward loop throughout time space, upside down and topsy turvy, inside out and outside in.

But we all must become compassionate humans, and expose the NT's as hate-breeders within an Autistic brain/mind grid paradigm.



blitzkrieg
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07 Mar 2022, 7:33 pm

I would also like to create a Fallout 3-esque Mesmetron to subdue the NT's who do not conform to the new Autistic ruling class.

We will be called the business class, donning suits and pineapple hats.

The working class shall be our NT subjugates, who we will treat kindly, as our child race.



blitzkrieg
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07 Mar 2022, 7:37 pm

Our guns will be painted a bright, neon yellow, to enforce our new regime.



blitzkrieg
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07 Mar 2022, 9:10 pm

I have just confessed a decade long love to someone as my final war cry.

They did not reciprocate.



FleaOfTheChill
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07 Mar 2022, 10:39 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.


:lol:

Some years ago I heard a news blurb about a small child getting bit in the butt by a coyote in Chino Hills. After hearing that, I went around for awhile randomly singing, "I bit a child in Chino just to watch it cry."

I guess that's as good a confession as any...I've been known to find humor in situations where I probably shouldn't...and then butcher existing songs in order to sing about it. Adding insult to injury, I can't sing to save my backside.



Last edited by FleaOfTheChill on 07 Mar 2022, 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Edna3362
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07 Mar 2022, 10:57 pm

I have a record book full of confessions.
It ranges from ruminations and rants, to narratives akin to storytelling.

And the dates are not in order except when it was written.
The entries of events itself could be as recent as hours ago, or over a decade when it happened.
Sometimes, it's timeless with an undefined timeline.


Basically a diary or a journal. Except not really a diary or a journal.
More like a pile of emotional paper work in my head that I've yet to sort, after the years of lacking enough secured privacy at home to express it on paper.

Oh, and yeah, texts (electronic writing) doesn't work the same way for me.
Maybe because of my experiences about having time limited access, to maintenance and my lack of gentleness around other items and devices in general.


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