The confession box

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When I speak or write to the director of bands at Elizabethtown College, I have to remind him to slap his brother-in-law up along the side of the head. His brother-in-law was one of my roommates my senior year in college, and one of the WORST practical jokers you ever wanted to meet. He would pull stuff like place a bucket of water above everyone’s bedroom, try to light my fat arse on fire every time I’d pass gas while sitting in front of my typewriter typing a paper I was doing as part of an independent study in music history on word-painting in the English Madrigal, to rewiring my stereo system’s tape deck in such a way that when I tried to record something off-air, he would break in and provide quite snide commentary on what I was recording, as well as lock me in my bedroom, as well as the bathroom, by jamming Pennies between the door and the jamb. The apartment was across the street from a Roman Catholic Church, so when the church rang the Angelus at 6:00 AM in the Morning, he would record it for later playback at all sorts of odd hours of the night.

I still got a little bit of revenge on this guy. His major instrument was the pipe organ. I let it be known to the organists that I know in both York City and York County, since this clown now works for Allen Digital Organs in Macungie, PA as a sales rep., to please show this twerp the door and tell him to “not let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya, else the church will have to sue him and Allen digital organs for property damage. If it weren’t for the fact his sister and brother-in-law wouldn’t do it, as they own a candy shop and make their own chocolates, to make a special batch of chocolates for her brother that are laced with jalapeño and habanero peppers.

When I was a kid my mother once brought home a bag of doughnuts and let me have one, but later I stole two more of them from the bag. And then after supper mom asked if we'd like a doughnut for dessert, and I said yes. But then she notices there are less doughnuts in the bag she asked me how many I ate already. And I lied and held up two fingers. She believed me but wouldn't let me have any more and I've never told her the truth.

That's how whenever anyone brought home cookies or candy as a treat into the house. I had no control or willpower whatsoever and never seemed to think about how I would get into trouble for eating more than I was allowed.

I'm going to hell because I'm a glutton and a liar.

When I was 15, I got kicked out of a video arcade with a friend for continually playing a road race game without paying. Somebody turned us on to a glitch in the machine. If you rubbed your feet on the carpet, and touched the speaker, it would start the game.

We were stupid. We got greedy and played the game too long. The manager saw what we were doing eventually.

A relative used to bring over these glazed Bundt cakes and I didn’t like glaze.So I mined a tunnel into the cake and ate the inside.Boy were they mad.

I'm not a "good person". I just am not. And I knew from a very early age.

No, I wasn't judged or labeled at such.
And no, it didn't stemmed from guilt or shame, but indulgence.

People telling me to be kind or nice or gentle or whatever virtuous and moral crap just annoys the sh*t out of me.
So I hate shame and guilt or whatever people calls a conscience.


And no, I'm not a sociopath who can't tell from good and evil. I just wish I don't care.
A lot of things I could've achieved and done in life if it were the case.

But I cared too much. The person I'm born as is an emotional crap whose lens are too colored and fussy, than the supposed unemotional hyper rational kind.
I don't like it. It held me back.

And it's one of the aspects I truly dislike about autism -- it made me incompetent in this particular area I want to act upon.

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have been ripped off by friends relatives , police and court systems and business for all the money , i had or hoped to have in my lifetime .And still in debt . Nearly losing my life more than once in the process of all this .All of this is documentable .And is just disgusting when i think of it .
But in reality fooled them all , my Aspie naivete , has oddly preserved me , inspite of all.

i disappoint/piss-off people no matter what my wishes, at least in the few times i was noticed by anybody. 'tis why i'm a hermit.