Please...although you may not want to listen to reason.. here out a girl who has been in total suicidal issues from age 16, until my current age 29 in 3 days.
I know what its like to feel like you lack family, purpose, desire, reason, or even a girlfriend/boyfriend or sexual experiences.
I am not saying i invalidate your experiences by saying it gets better. but it REALLY does get better.
As a girl who suffers from autism, Borderline personality disorder, Major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder, ptsd and so much more..
I know what it is like to feel lost and hopeless.
Listen to Reason, there is always a way out, and it isnt by dying.
Check into a psychiatrics hospital until you can get yourself straight mentally, i say this kindly.
I had to go to a psych hospital 3 times in life, 4 if you count my toddler time in life.
It is scary at first but it really does help, and they can help you sort out your life and even get you medicine to help block the dark scary thoughts of depression or suicide.
As a girl who was raped and kidnapped at 19 in 2012 by a man she trusted online for over a year, beaten and broken , suffering PTSD from the event, running away 2 times in 3 years after the event, multiple scars from self harm over those 3 years from 2012-2016.
I know what its like to feel like theres no way out of the dark.
Im on disability so i wouldnt know about student loans or working , but i know what its like to feel hopeless in this workforce world, its scary and sucks.
As for Romantic life, Age is but a number. As long as the dates are above 18.
I am dating a man that will be 40 in october, he is disabled in a wheelchair, total almost loss of muscle control and trachea tube to breathe on a machine, and this man...brought me out of my darkness.
Dont say your life isnt worth it
you could have it much...much worse.
And dont dwell on what could be worse, because there will always be worse.
You need to focus on what you CAN ACHEIVE.
Get a job in a field you love, love your job, not the work it causes.
Start dating, bring your best face and personality and let it shine forward... a true lover will see you for you and want you .
Dont give up on life, for it is the greatest gift you have been given.
Good luck and i wish you the best , no matter what you choose.