Sick. Can’t go out. Got too much time to think. Don’t know if I have covid but a nurse on the phone that deals with it thinks it’s the milder version. but I can’t get rid of this cough. I want to go out. My medication causes weight gain. I don’t have a strong heart anymore. It’s quite weak. So what the hell antipsychotic med am I supposed to take. They increase heart rate and cause weight gain and make it hard to go to the bathroom. My body is already screwed up from my heart condition. I can’t do much because I’m sick now but lay in bed. I think my shrink is going to kill me with these types of meds. I tried to get away from psychiatry but they flooded my machine constantly with messages. I have also been bullied and intimidated by them just because I got mad at them for relapsing, and they didn’t save me. They didn’t like that. I kind of feel like an abused patient. There were other things happening down in the mental health unit. I basically feel like these people’s prisoner and that they have the right to kill me, and my family is stupid because they go along with whatever they say. I was okay until I moved back to my home town. It’s been downhill ever since. If things weren’t so expensive I wouldn’t need my family’s help. I think mom drives me nuts. All I want to do is survive. Sometimes that seems like a lot to ask from the town where I live. Maybe I don’t belong here anymore. If that’s true I’m not sure what the next step is. Not with my health screwed up like this.
21 Apr 2022, 4:11 pm
