Being An Adult

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I’m 51, going to be 52 next month, I can’t drive, I got my learner permit, I practiced driving, I practiced driving at the Rose Bowel parking lot with my dad in his Mercedes, I hit a curb. I never got my driving license, my mom knew I couldn’t drive & take care of children, she was right.

I've always felt, since the age of about 8, that I flip between acting like a very old man to acting like a pre-schooler with nothing much inbetween. The amount of things that need sorting out in my house are mounting up but I can't deal with the process of organising somebody to come around to do the work, the worry about quotes, haggling, paying deposits or there being some knock-on effect sends me into a tail spin. If my parents had asked me at the age of 5 to sort out somebody to fix the garage roof, I wouldn't have been anymore freaked out and clueless as to what to do then than I would be now.

Can't drive either, I couldn't even ride a bike.

I'm a NEET, a total NEET. In this society that means the same as FAIL.

How can I take care of things if I don’t feel like an adult most of the time. I wish someone understand me at least a little bit, it is sooooo scary have to do things all by yourself & you don’t really know how to be an adult. If everything gets toooo much & very overwhelming, I get very bad anxiety, I can have breathing problems too. Last month, I was very badly choking, I stopped breathing for a few seconds, it felt like something blocking my airway, I got water then I was ok. I got to look to find someone to clean my apartment before I get in mote trouble with the apartment building owner. I wish my cousin understand Aspergers, she don’t understand Aspergers change my life for the worse.