Venting about drug use and anxiety

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HeroOfHyrule
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25 Jul 2022, 11:08 pm

For the past month or so I've been dependent on weed and alcohol to deal with the intense anxiety that I experience all day, everyday. My brain never shuts up and I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of having a full on panic attack, which has happened at work a couple times, even before the incident where I got groomed by a guy at work and my anxiety managed to somehow get even worse.

At this point I basically look forward to getting high and/or buzzed all day since it's the only time I don't have to deal with the anxiety. I go to work, get whatever else I need to do done, and then smoke or drink until I go to bed. I technically "function" relatively fine for now since I get things done, but it's distressing me that I can't get relief without using drugs, and I've recently been foregoing more and more responsibilities just so I can get high right after work.

I'm heavily disappointed in myself, but I'm just so desperate to relax and I don't know what else to do. Nothing else gets my brain to quiet down and have the anxiety stop, or even become manageable. It's even been making me suicidal the past couple of weeks, and suicide has never been so easily attainable until recently, so I'm getting increasingly scared that if I don't figure out how to cope and manage otherwise that I'll end up killing myself within a couple months. I can't handle the anxiety forever and I already feel like I can't handle it at all.



Twilightprincess
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25 Jul 2022, 11:42 pm

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Do you see a psychiatrist? Are you on anything for anxiety?

If the answer is no, you really need to find one and schedule an appointment ASAP.

Have you told your therapist how much you’re struggling?


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HeroOfHyrule
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26 Jul 2022, 12:03 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Do you see a psychiatrist? Are you on anything for anxiety?

If the answer is no, you really need to find one and schedule an appointment ASAP.

Have you told your therapist how much you’re struggling?

I usually see a therapist every week, but I missed my appointment today. I haven't been telling them about how much I've been relying on drugs to cope though because I'm embarrassed about it. Both of my parents are drug addicts, and relying on drugs makes me really angry at myself and I don't usually like talking about it in depth.

I also started taking Wellbutrin a bit more than a month ago for ADHD and anxiety + depression, but the only thing it's helped with is the ADHD and it's just made everything else worse. I'm scared to go off of it though because if my performance lowers at work I can get fired and I don't think I can manage to get or handle another job. We even have a new manager that keeps looking at my quota count and getting on my ass about it which is increasing my anxiety.



klanka
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26 Jul 2022, 5:20 am

I found a low-carb keto diet helped with my anxiety a great deal. 2-3 days of not eating more than 30g of carbs per day and I felt relaxed.

It's difficult to stick to it though. I have to drink coconut milk in the first 4-5 days to get through 'keto-flu' which is a feeling of weakness as you get used to it.



HeroOfHyrule
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26 Jul 2022, 6:16 am

klanka wrote:
I found a low-carb keto diet helped with my anxiety a great deal. 2-3 days of not eating more than 30g of carbs per day and I felt relaxed.

It's difficult to stick to it though. I have to drink coconut milk in the first 4-5 days to get through 'keto-flu' which is a feeling of weakness as you get used to it.

Keto diets give me intense brain fog and make my anxiety worse due to it. I don't dislike them and I've used them for weight loss, but I unfortunately don't seem to get many positive mental health effects from them.



Twilightprincess
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26 Jul 2022, 7:13 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
klanka wrote:
I found a low-carb keto diet helped with my anxiety a great deal. 2-3 days of not eating more than 30g of carbs per day and I felt relaxed.

It's difficult to stick to it though. I have to drink coconut milk in the first 4-5 days to get through 'keto-flu' which is a feeling of weakness as you get used to it.

Keto diets give me intense brain fog and make my anxiety worse due to it. I don't dislike them and I've used them for weight loss, but I unfortunately don't seem to get many positive mental health effects from them.


Me neither.


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Twilightprincess
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26 Jul 2022, 7:17 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Do you see a psychiatrist? Are you on anything for anxiety?

If the answer is no, you really need to find one and schedule an appointment ASAP.

Have you told your therapist how much you’re struggling?

I usually see a therapist every week, but I missed my appointment today. I haven't been telling them about how much I've been relying on drugs to cope though because I'm embarrassed about it. Both of my parents are drug addicts, and relying on drugs makes me really angry at myself and I don't usually like talking about it in depth.

I also started taking Wellbutrin a bit more than a month ago for ADHD and anxiety + depression, but the only thing it's helped with is the ADHD and it's just made everything else worse. I'm scared to go off of it though because if my performance lowers at work I can get fired and I don't think I can manage to get or handle another job. We even have a new manager that keeps looking at my quota count and getting on my ass about it which is increasing my anxiety.

I think you really need to schedule an appointment with your doctor and talk to your therapist about this stuff.

Your medication probably needs to be adjusted or maybe they could give you something extra for anxiety for the time being.

The situation you experienced would be triggering for me and would cause me lots of anxiety, too. Anxiety is a very difficult thing to live with.


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babybird
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26 Jul 2022, 11:49 am

Aw that's not good. I hate to think of you in such a state. Speak to your T and don't feel ashamed either thats what they are there for.

I don't know if it's right or wrong to just stop what you have been doing just suddenly either because I'm no expert on this.


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Twilightprincess
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26 Jul 2022, 11:52 am

Do you get any SSI?

I ask because maybe it would be good to quit and find a different job that’s less stressful and doesn’t feel so triggering.


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HeroOfHyrule
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26 Jul 2022, 12:16 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
How do you know it doesn't?

70% of people on the spectrum have a sensitivity to salicylate acids from plants/foods. (as per medical studies.)

The minerals required for our bodies to excrete them properly are magnesium & sulphur - which is what epsom salts are.

It's been my Personal experience that this was extremely effective, and since it's so inexpensive, it's worth a try. If the $10 is a constraint & HoH is willing to do an epsom salt soak every day for a week to see if they feel better, I'd gladly pay for it.

This is not a "quack cure," this is very basic biochemistry/medicine. We require various things to be in balance in our bodies, and when they're out of balance, we need to supplement them via food, medicine, or supplements. One could go purchase magnesium capsules & some sulphur tablets and ingest them, but I find that's a huge waste of money when epsom salts on skin achieve the desired result at a fraction of the cost.

My anxiety and depression is mainly from lifelong trauma. I don't think Epsom salts will cancel out the years of isolation and abuse that have caused it. Thank you for the suggestion though.



HeroOfHyrule
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26 Jul 2022, 12:18 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Do you get any SSI?

I ask because maybe it would be good to quit and find a different job that’s less stressful and doesn’t feel so triggering.

I don't get SSI. I unfortunately don't have a diagnosis or anything that would allow me to get it. :|



Twilightprincess
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26 Jul 2022, 12:42 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Do you get any SSI?

I ask because maybe it would be good to quit and find a different job that’s less stressful and doesn’t feel so triggering.

I don't get SSI. I unfortunately don't have a diagnosis or anything that would allow me to get it. :|


Could you get testing done? If you are on Medicaid, neuropsychological evaluations are usually covered.

I’m not saying that you necessarily need SSI. I was just looking for something that could be a temporary support until you get through this.


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Cornflake
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26 Jul 2022, 3:14 pm

 ! Cornflake wrote:
Some off-topic arguing here has been removed - this helped no-one.

Please remember the rules governing The Haven - viewtopic.php?t=297515
There were at least four paragraphs there being ignored on this thread.

Remember this is the OP's thread - it's not a launch point for other issues so please stay on topic.


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HeroOfHyrule
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26 Jul 2022, 8:38 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Could you get testing done? If you are on Medicaid, neuropsychological evaluations are usually covered.

I’m not saying that you necessarily need SSI. I was just looking for something that could be a temporary support until you get through this.

After I get my license I plan to get reassessed, after I also take care of a few more important things (getting my rabbit fixed, getting my health issues checked out, etc.) And yeah, I know that you didn't mean specifically SSI, but I just unfortunately don't seem to qualify for any financial aid of any kind, or at least not any that I know of.



HeroOfHyrule
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26 Jul 2022, 8:40 pm

babybird wrote:
Aw that's not good. I hate to think of you in such a state. Speak to your T and don't feel ashamed either thats what they are there for.

I don't know if it's right or wrong to just stop what you have been doing just suddenly either because I'm no expert on this.

Thank you. I'm going to try to work up the courage to tell them about the incident with me being groomed at work + my developing dependence on drugs. It's just so hard to not feel embarrassed about those two things. :(



babybird
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27 Jul 2022, 1:29 am

Omg how do groomers do that. He is the one who should feel ashamed, not you.

Have you thought about maybe writing it on a piece of paper and handing it to your T and telling them on the piece of paper that you are struggling to say it out loud because it is all making you feel ashamed.

You are so brave in telling us about this.


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