Am I comparing myself to other people ?

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chris1989
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Location: Kent, UK

31 Jul 2022, 1:53 pm

I seem to look at other people who are probably my age or younger and I have these feelings of resentment running around in my head, when I see them with kids, in a flashier car than mine, look like they are a fully-fledged business CEO, etc. The thing is, I keep reminding myself that because of who I am and that because I have Aspergers, its taken me more time to learn and develop myself than my ''normal'' peers have done and accept myself for who I am being without a partner at the moment and that it will take time and not to rush into things and be desperate. But I still can't seem to shake these feelings off and I seem to feel as though time is what I don't have. I keep finding myself getting annoyed at myself because I didn't do the things that I seem to think society expects of people such as:

1) Learning to drive, passing my test and driving my own car (Which seems to be expected of you at 17, even though I appeared uninterested at the time, I had several manuel lessons at 21-22 and found them hard. Had lessons at 24-28 in an automatic car which was more comfortable and eventually passed and drove my own at 28.)

2) Getting your first paid job and having a career (Which I didn't get until I was 26, even though I did voluntary work at 21-22 but eventually gave it up to go to uni at 22). I don't know if my job is a career because I still seem to feel as though I'm insignificant as I am nothing compared to someone else who works locally to me who in their late 20s/early 30s who is a solicitor, a bank manager, or the boss of his/her own business in the same road as me. I was never interested in following my dad's job as a carpenter and joiner and doing an apprenticeship in that field. I did art and design at college and uni because I think I had got used to the life of education that I had when I was at school and after having left school, college or uni seemed one of the only few options other than getting a job in a shop or something.

3) Experiencing relationships (I feel I've had no experience of a relationship or sex). Even though I did have one friend I really liked once that I had known from school but she wasn't keen on having a relationship with me except a friendship and another friend I quite liked as she had things in common with me but still didn't feel like she was the one for me and ended up staying friends even though she did at one point ask if I wanted a relationship and felt it was too soon and probably felt maybe I didn't want to. Thinking about it now does seem to make me feel like all I did was blow it when the chances were there even though I chose not to take them.

4) Being out and about more (I feel like someone who was never really interested in the things that people in their late teens and twenties enjoy doing like going down occasionally on a weekend having plenty to drink and a good laugh or going into a nightclub even though I tried an evening once with my sister and some other friends and found it boring after a while and I went a nightclub and didn't particularly like it because of all the flashing lights and so on even though I'm not an epileptic. Even though those aren't the things I like, I do like live events but I never really gone to them on my own because I seem to feel it would be fun to enjoy it with someone than on your own and so I never bothered with buying a ticket just for myself. I still have people telling me they did these things on their own and that it changed their lives etc and then it makes it seem like I wasted my time and experiences in choosing not to go on my own.



shortfatbalduglyman
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01 Aug 2022, 4:33 pm

Based on your post, and some of your previous posts, yes you are comparing yourself to other people

Everyone has a different situation, so it doesn't make sense to compare them.

Comparing yourself to someone who, is not a good thing. However it is also not taboo

The solar system contains eight billion people

Only one of them is the best at each activity or skill

And that one is only the best, on that day

Not everything is the way it appears

Some 12 year olds get pregnant. Achieving lifetime milestones, as early as they could.
That is not always a good thing.

Some neurotypicals do not have drivers licenses.

Not everyone is occupationally successful

Not all neurotypicals are occupationally successful

Some cars are stolen

Not everyone wants a "flashier car"

It appears to me that flashier cars, could get stolen easier than other cars (but I did not measure it)

There are many reasons why someone might not have a driver's license. Medical, legal, financial. Not everyone has a car. Not having a car has advantages and disadvantages.

There is something wrong with everything

Nobody is perfect

There is no such thing as perfection

Some cities have better public transportation than others

Not everyone has a job

Not everyone has a career

Not everyone wants a job

Not everyone wants a career

Sometimes people switch careers

There are many reasons why someone might not have a job or career

Not sure has a relationship

Not everyone wants a relationship

Half of marriages end up in divorce

Not all neurotypicals have relationships

Especially since Covid, not everyone always go out and about

Not everyone does the same thing