Why Shouldn't I Just Kill Myself?

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cyberdad
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09 Aug 2022, 3:12 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not interested in living the life of a man who's never had a girlfriend and can never get one. Why shouldn't I just end it?


Dude! please stop posting here and go here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

It's a free service and they have qualified people who can speak to you right now

Funny you mention beyondblue.


I called them 2 weeks ago to talk about the issues I've mentioned here, and while the lady on the phone tried to be empathetic, she basically said they couldn't help me.

"I don't know how to respond to that."

"I'm not a miracle worker."
.
"This service provides brief counselling and referrals."

This was the same day that my psychologist tried to steer me away from the topic of dating to talk about other things that aren't related to my depression.


Did the lady at least suggest a referral? if not that's wrong!



The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Aug 2022, 3:14 am

cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not interested in living the life of a man who's never had a girlfriend and can never get one. Why shouldn't I just end it?


Dude! please stop posting here and go here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

It's a free service and they have qualified people who can speak to you right now

Funny you mention beyondblue.


I called them 2 weeks ago to talk about the issues I've mentioned here, and while the lady on the phone tried to be empathetic, she basically said they couldn't help me.

"I don't know how to respond to that."

"I'm not a miracle worker."
.
"This service provides brief counselling and referrals."

This was the same day that my psychologist tried to steer me away from the topic of dating to talk about other things that aren't related to my depression.


Did the lady at least suggest a referral? if not that's wrong!

No, she didn't.



cyberdad
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09 Aug 2022, 3:27 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not interested in living the life of a man who's never had a girlfriend and can never get one. Why shouldn't I just end it?


Dude! please stop posting here and go here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

It's a free service and they have qualified people who can speak to you right now

Funny you mention beyondblue.


I called them 2 weeks ago to talk about the issues I've mentioned here, and while the lady on the phone tried to be empathetic, she basically said they couldn't help me.

"I don't know how to respond to that."

"I'm not a miracle worker."
.
"This service provides brief counselling and referrals."

This was the same day that my psychologist tried to steer me away from the topic of dating to talk about other things that aren't related to my depression.


Did the lady at least suggest a referral? if not that's wrong!

No, she didn't.


try again as you might get somebody more caring/willing to listen



temp1234
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09 Aug 2022, 4:24 am

I know a man who is ugly, unattractive, fat, looking 10 years older than his age, with no tertiary education, and with a horrible personality. He recently got married. You can't be worse than he. You have a lot better chance to find a woman who will love you.

One thing that I realize is that people, both men and women, are attracted to happy people. So, rather than trying to be happy by finding a woman, you can try to find a woman by being happy. Luckily, you are still only 25/26 years old. You have plenty of time and opportunities.

I can already see good things about you in this thread only. You have good qualities to attract people.



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 5:25 am

So what if you have “no relationship experience.”

I feel most women are smart enough to know that one “has to start somewhere.”

You don’t have to be an expert in bed for there to be a fine relationship.

Most women, like men, aren’t optimal in the “erotic arts.”



Twilightprincess
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09 Aug 2022, 5:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
So what if you have “no relationship experience.”

I feel most women are smart enough to know that one “has to start somewhere.”

You don’t have to be an expert in bed for there to be a fine relationship.

Most women, like men, aren’t optimal in the “erotic arts.”


Yeah, it’s really not that big of a deal to most women. It’s more important to work on personal growth.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Aug 2022, 7:54 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
So what if you have “no relationship experience.”

I feel most women are smart enough to know that one “has to start somewhere.”

You don’t have to be an expert in bed for there to be a fine relationship.

Most women, like men, aren’t optimal in the “erotic arts.”

I'm not saying that there aren't women who don't have a problem dating inexperienced men, but rather that there probably aren't many who want to date inexperienced men men like me who are in the kind of mental and emotional state I'm in because of it

What I'm saying here is pretty extreme. I'm embroiled in an existential conflict, crippled by the fear that any attempt I make to find contentment within my life will be undermined by my perpetually unmet need for a real romantic connection.

When I was younger, I never thought I'd get anywhere near this age and have no romantic relationship experience. Now I'm here, it feels like this is going to continue to be this way forever, and that's just not an outcome I can tolerate. If I can't tolerate it, and I can't change it, what other options do I have? Well it's not a good one.

Would any eligible woman who saw this post think I'm good partner material? Or do you think they might be turned off by my despair? I think I know which way it would probably go.

Obviously I'm not going to lead with my extremely negative feelings in a setting where I'm getting to know someone, but if I did get with someone, they'd inevitably find out about them eventually. Hopefully by that point, those feelings would largely be in the rear view mirror, but I still would have had them at one stage.



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 8:05 am

I've had these sorts of thoughts at "one stage," too.

But you don't have to be in that "stage." You can move beyond that.

Have you made some friends in your trivia (not Trivial) pursuit?



The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Aug 2022, 8:07 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've had these sorts of thoughts at "one stage," too.

But you don't have to be in that "stage." You can move beyond that.

Have you made some friends in your trivia (not Trivial) pursuit?

There are people I'm familiar with at venues, but I wouldn't call them friends, no.



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 8:13 am

I can understand you not being "best buds" with them----but couldn't they be "friendly acquaintances?" Wouldn't that be a start?



Twilightprincess
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09 Aug 2022, 9:19 am

I think that if negative feelings and thinking are taking over your life you may need to adjust your mental health regimen.


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09 Aug 2022, 4:57 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
I think that if negative feelings and thinking are taking over your life you may need to adjust your mental health regimen.

It's not that I never experience anything other than negative feelings, but the ones I'm experiencing and talking about here are quite intense, and they recur. I don't know what more I can do for my mental health when my mental health issues are due to romantic loneliness and deep-seated feelings of inadequacy from not being able to attract a partner.



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 5:03 pm

But why kill yourself?

I’m sorry these feelings are so intense.

But you’re a viable person. Why ruin it for yourself and others?

I’m missing out on being a professional. I have intense feelings about this. But I don’t think ending my life will solve anything.



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09 Aug 2022, 5:07 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I think that if negative feelings and thinking are taking over your life you may need to adjust your mental health regimen.

It's not that I never experience anything other than negative feelings, but the ones I'm experiencing and talking about here are quite intense, and they recur. I don't know what more I can do for my mental health when my mental health issues are due to romantic loneliness and deep-seated feelings of inadequacy from not being able to attract a partner.


Just because all moments aren’t awful, doesn’t mean that these extreme feelings aren’t a big problem.

You really need to be open with your doctor and therapist about how extreme you’re feeling if you haven’t done so already.

I don’t think this is something that you can just snap out of.


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09 Aug 2022, 5:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But why kill yourself?

I’m sorry these feelings are so intense.

But you’re a viable person. Why ruin it for yourself and others?

I’m missing out on being a professional. I have intense feelings about this. But I don’t think ending my life will solve anything.

I can't find contentment and happiness with my life under these circumstances, and they persist no matter what I do. If a life I can be content and happy with isn't achievable, why would I want to live?

Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
I think that if negative feelings and thinking are taking over your life you may need to adjust your mental health regimen.

It's not that I never experience anything other than negative feelings, but the ones I'm experiencing and talking about here are quite intense, and they recur. I don't know what more I can do for my mental health when my mental health issues are due to romantic loneliness and deep-seated feelings of inadequacy from not being able to attract a partner.


Just because all moments aren’t awful, doesn’t mean that these extreme feelings aren’t a big problem.

You really need to be open with your doctor and therapist about how extreme you’re feeling if you haven’t done so already.

I don’t think this is something that you can just snap out of.

You're right, I can't just snap out of it.

I've been very open with my therapist about how this situation makes me feel.



Last edited by The Grand Inquisitor on 09 Aug 2022, 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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09 Aug 2022, 5:13 pm

Some might say that you shouldn't base your life on having a girlfriend. But that's easy said than done, because loneliness can be a big deal to some and if you feel you'll find happiness by having a nice romantic relationship then that's quite valid.

Most humans do want to be in love and share experiences with a life partner. So your depression is valid. I feel for you.

I'm in a relationship and yes I do whine about the problems with my partner's drinking and I even get stressed and depressed about it. But at the same time I love him and he loves me, and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't exactly want to go back to single life just because my partner drinks sometimes. Most people drink in the UK. I could meet someone new and he could have an even worse drinking problem than my partner.

Love is a strong feeling, and if you both feel the same love for each other then it's even stronger. Also nobody's perfect. Whoever you fall in love with they will have something you may not like. I'm an extreme non-drinker so maybe that makes his drinking more of a problem than it might be to others.

I really hope you find someone soon. I know that is a bit clichéd, and you're probably bored of hearing that. But I really hope you do find someone for you. You deserve it after all.

This heart might help give fate a push in the right direction. :heart:


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