Does anyone else feel confusion about everything?

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White_Feather
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23 Sep 2022, 4:45 pm

I get confused about everything, I can't make decisions!! ! I can sit and think of pros and cons of something for days but not actually make a decision. This happenes with everything, I hang in limbo and know I am doing it but that doesn't help me stop. I just need someone to make them for me because the burden is huge. I don't know how to make decisions, whatever advice people give does not help. They always say just give something a try but do not understand the unpredictability of the situation I have to face is unbearable for me. I have to rehearse events beforehand or I do not know how I should act in them which causes a huge amount of anxiety. I do not know how to respond to anything in the moment and I am frozen and speechless. Its humiliating, I hate it.



Fenn
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23 Sep 2022, 4:51 pm

I am sorry you feel confused. I have been experiencing this a lot lately.
It may be like what is called "analysis paralysis".
The opposite problem is "ready, fire, aim".
Somewhere between the two is where I want to be, but "analysis paralysis" is someplace I often find myself.
Google "five whys" so see a sort-of-related similar idea.


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Mountain Goat
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23 Sep 2022, 4:58 pm

White_Feather wrote:
I get confused about everything, I can't make decisions!! ! I can sit and think of pros and cons of something for days but not actually make a decision. This happenes with everything, I hang in limbo and know I am doing it but that doesn't help me stop. I just need someone to make them for me because the burden is huge. I don't know how to make decisions, whatever advice people give does not help. They always say just give something a try but do not understand the unpredictability of the situation I have to face is unbearable for me. I have to rehearse events beforehand or I do not know how I should act in them which causes a huge amount of anxiety. I do not know how to respond to anything in the moment and I am frozen and speechless. Its humiliating, I hate it.


Yes. What I can be like for a long time (Months or even over a year or two) after a hard hitting burnout and I find it dissabling as even going to do some tasks one could do before with ones eyes closed one find onself stuck when one needs to make a decision.
I ended up feeling I was banned from a shop as I could not make a decision so kept putting what I came in for back and they thought I was acting suspicious.



DanielW
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23 Sep 2022, 5:06 pm

Making an exhaustive list of all of the pros and cons is actually the worst way to try and make a decision. You'll find in most cases they tend to even out. You also spend too much time over-thinking. Practice making quick decisions (even hypothetical ones) can help. So can realizing that everyone makes a less than optimal choice from time to time. Do you have a lot of anxiety about making a "bad" decision? I do, which Is why I over-think things. You don't have to be perfect. You'll often learn more from mistakes than successes (which helps making better decisions in the future)

I understand the need for scripting, and the anxiety that can happen when things go "off-script".

White_Feather wrote:
I get confused about everything, I can't make decisions!! ! I can sit and think of pros and cons of something for days but not actually make a decision. This happenes with everything, I hang in limbo and know I am doing it but that doesn't help me stop. I just need someone to make them for me because the burden is huge. I don't know how to make decisions, whatever advice people give does not help. They always say just give something a try but do not understand the unpredictability of the situation I have to face is unbearable for me. I have to rehearse events beforehand or I do not know how I should act in them which causes a huge amount of anxiety. I do not know how to respond to anything in the moment and I am frozen and speechless. Its humiliating, I hate it.



Fenn
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23 Sep 2022, 5:15 pm

One thing I find helps is to tell myself:
"Play the cards you are dealt. There will be another hand of cards. Just play this hand."


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23 Sep 2022, 6:40 pm

I’m not the best at judgment. When my mom was alive, I always called her asking for her advice, she gone now, I have nobody to turn to. I can’t go to my dad, he don’t understand me, it’s very hard to talk to him anyway. NOWAY I’m talking to my sister, we don’t agree on things, we have a very complicated relationship, right now, it’s a hate relationship. But sometimes I do make the right choices.


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23 Sep 2022, 9:22 pm

White_Feather wrote:
I get confused about everything, I can't make decisions!! ! I can sit and think of pros and cons of something for days but not actually make a decision. This happenes with everything, I hang in limbo and know I am doing it but that doesn't help me stop. I just need someone to make them for me because the burden is huge. I don't know how to make decisions, whatever advice people give does not help. They always say just give something a try but do not understand the unpredictability of the situation I have to face is unbearable for me. I have to rehearse events beforehand or I do not know how I should act in them which causes a huge amount of anxiety. I do not know how to respond to anything in the moment and I am frozen and speechless. Its humiliating, I hate it.
I can absolutely relate to this. It's as if you've written this for me. Every small decision is a big task for me. I think that in my case "perfectionism" is a major player in it. I feel I have to consider all factors to make a decision and end up spending way too much time and energy even for not-so-important decisions. To make it worse, I often end up avoiding the decision making all together because it's so stressful, which sometimes results in the worst outcome. I also sometimes wait until only one option is left by procrastinating on the decision, which will force me to take the only option that's left. I've wasted 6-digit dollars on a piece of rubbish due to my poor decision making process. Decision making can indeed ruin your life.



White_Feather
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24 Sep 2022, 2:07 am

Fenn wrote:
It may be like what is called "analysis paralysis".
The opposite problem is "ready, fire, aim".


Yep, analysis paralysis...I get stuck there the most.



White_Feather
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24 Sep 2022, 2:50 am

Yeah I've had people really question me when I was indecisive and as always judging my character as if I was being rude.

And what you said about burnout, I am very burned out right now. I've struggled my whole life but especially the past few years and I am done trying.

Mountain Goat wrote:
Yes. What I can be like for a long time (Months or even over a year or two) after a hard hitting burnout and I find it dissabling as even going to do some tasks one could do before with ones eyes closed one find onself stuck when one needs to make a decision.
I ended up feeling I was banned from a shop as I could not make a decision so kept putting what I came in for back and they thought I was acting suspicious.



White_Feather
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24 Sep 2022, 2:52 am

Yes making a bad decision is something I worry about but not having a script is the worst part for me. Like I can literally just not know what to say or do without it and sit there and stare back at a person who is talking to me completely lost.

DanielW wrote:
Making an exhaustive list of all of the pros and cons is actually the worst way to try and make a decision. You'll find in most cases they tend to even out. You also spend too much time over-thinking. Practice making quick decisions (even hypothetical ones) can help. So can realizing that everyone makes a less than optimal choice from time to time. Do you have a lot of anxiety about making a "bad" decision? I do, which Is why I over-think things. You don't have to be perfect. You'll often learn more from mistakes than successes (which helps making better decisions in the future)

I understand the need for scripting, and the anxiety that can happen when things go "off-script".



klanka
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24 Sep 2022, 3:21 am

what type of decisions are you talking about?



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24 Sep 2022, 10:52 am

Sweet Pea hugs

I have a hard time making decisions as well.


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Mountain Goat
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24 Sep 2022, 2:46 pm

White_Feather wrote:
Yeah I've had people really question me when I was indecisive and as always judging my character as if I was being rude.

And what you said about burnout, I am very burned out right now. I've struggled my whole life but especially the past few years and I am done trying.

Mountain Goat wrote:
Yes. What I can be like for a long time (Months or even over a year or two) after a hard hitting burnout and I find it dissabling as even going to do some tasks one could do before with ones eyes closed one find onself stuck when one needs to make a decision.
I ended up feeling I was banned from a shop as I could not make a decision so kept putting what I came in for back and they thought I was acting suspicious.


The ideal solution (If money and other ties were not an object) is to have a long relaxing holiday somewhere that is quiet but attractive. Long as in a year or two.

Unfortunately not many can do this so it is a case of damage limitation to reduce stress as much as one can.