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r00tb33r
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01 Jan 2023, 12:26 am

:(


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MuddRM
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01 Jan 2023, 1:36 am

Depends on the offender and the offense.



kraftiekortie
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01 Jan 2023, 5:02 am

Forgiveness is an essential path towards resolution, and moving on.

Humans are flawed. They make mistakes. If someone screwed with my livelihood, or did violence upon me, I would find forgiveness much harder than if I experienced a breakup with a person with no complications.

That’s just my take on it.



Aspiegaming
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01 Jan 2023, 8:39 am

There are some people who've hurt me so bad that I can never forgive them.


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goldfish21
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01 Jan 2023, 1:05 pm

Something to think about:

Forgiveness is not for the other person.

It's to free yourself from dwelling on angry or upsetting thoughts that serve no good purpose or value in your life. All they do is steal your happiness and present moment, and give you nothing in return except for maybe negative feelings. What a waste of time and energy! Especially when the other person may be happily going about their life giving no thought whatsoever to the fact that you're stewing about some event that happened.

Not forgiving doesn't punish them for whatever wrong they've done towards you, it only continues to punish yourself for no good reason whatsoever.

So, yeah, I think you could genuinely forgive someone for whatever they've done to upset you, because forgiveness is for you, not them, and then you can truly begin to heal and move on and expend your mental & physical energy on things that serve and benefit you and your goals and your life vs. becoming ever more bitter about something someone said or did while they're blissfully unaware that you're trapping yourself in a downward spiral of bitter thoughts that doesn't affect them one iota but does have serious negative implications for You.

Take that perspective and mull it over and ask yourself, could I forgive? (I think you could.)


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lostproperty
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01 Jan 2023, 2:29 pm

MuddRM wrote:
Depends on the offender and the offense.


Yep. Could be a situation where it's for the greater good that justice is served, or if it's a strictly domestic issue, that the other person is taught a lesson from which everyone benefits in the long run.



Minder
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01 Jan 2023, 2:38 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Something to think about:

Forgiveness is not for the other person.

It's to free yourself from dwelling on angry or upsetting thoughts that serve no good purpose or value in your life. All they do is steal your happiness and present moment, and give you nothing in return except for maybe negative feelings. What a waste of time and energy! Especially when the other person may be happily going about their life giving no thought whatsoever to the fact that you're stewing about some event that happened.

Not forgiving doesn't punish them for whatever wrong they've done towards you, it only continues to punish yourself for no good reason whatsoever.

So, yeah, I think you could genuinely forgive someone for whatever they've done to upset you, because forgiveness is for you, not them, and then you can truly begin to heal and move on and expend your mental & physical energy on things that serve and benefit you and your goals and your life vs. becoming ever more bitter about something someone said or did while they're blissfully unaware that you're trapping yourself in a downward spiral of bitter thoughts that doesn't affect them one iota but does have serious negative implications for You.

Take that perspective and mull it over and ask yourself, could I forgive? (I think you could.)


This has always been my stance as well. I don't think forgiveness means you have to suddenly love the person or be friends with them. It just means you no longer hate them or think much about them.



Aspiegaming
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01 Jan 2023, 4:05 pm

It's really hard to let go because only one person in my life has actually changed for the better. For everyone else, change is impossible. If they think my disability is still TOO DAMN FUNNY to give a crap, they can rot in Hell.


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I am sick, and in so being I am the healthy one.

If my darkness or eccentricness offends you, I don't really care.

I will not apologize for being me.


r00tb33r
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01 Jan 2023, 10:46 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Something to think about:

Forgiveness is not for the other person.

It's to free yourself from dwelling on angry or upsetting thoughts that serve no good purpose or value in your life. All they do is steal your happiness and present moment, and give you nothing in return except for maybe negative feelings. What a waste of time and energy! Especially when the other person may be happily going about their life giving no thought whatsoever to the fact that you're stewing about some event that happened.

Not forgiving doesn't punish them for whatever wrong they've done towards you, it only continues to punish yourself for no good reason whatsoever.

So, yeah, I think you could genuinely forgive someone for whatever they've done to upset you, because forgiveness is for you, not them, and then you can truly begin to heal and move on and expend your mental & physical energy on things that serve and benefit you and your goals and your life vs. becoming ever more bitter about something someone said or did while they're blissfully unaware that you're trapping yourself in a downward spiral of bitter thoughts that doesn't affect them one iota but does have serious negative implications for You.

Take that perspective and mull it over and ask yourself, could I forgive? (I think you could.)

Yeah, I agree with that sentiment.

And no, after thinking it over, I concluded I won't be able to forgive on my own. Not the way things are now.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Jan 2023, 10:59 pm

Will you see a therapist, or are already seeing a therapist.

Really sorry this is so tough for you.



r00tb33r
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01 Jan 2023, 11:03 pm

Just look a bit further down this subforum. That's what a need for therapy looks like.


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IsabellaLinton
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01 Jan 2023, 11:05 pm

Forgiveness is a lifelong process.
It's not just something you decide to do, and it's accomplished.
It will come in waves and be unpredictable.
There will be setbacks.
Forgetting is even harder than forgiving.

It's important to know why you want to forgive.
Are you trying to make them feel better, or yourself?
What do you expect will change if you forgive?
All of that takes work too, even if you just hope to move on.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Jan 2023, 11:07 pm

There’s much human tragedy in the Haven.