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TwilightPrincess
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08 Nov 2023, 10:48 pm

She wasn't trying to defend me. She took his side. She wasn't even a friend. She was an acquaintance although we were on our way to becoming friends. At that moment, I just needed to tell somebody. It turns out that she was sh***y in other ways, too, but that's a long story.

I'm sure that I wouldn't have been able to handle the criminal justice system although, if I could do it over again, I would press charges on the man in college and my ex.


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IsabellaLinton
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08 Nov 2023, 10:55 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
She wasn't trying to defend me. She took his side. She wasn't even a friend. She was an acquaintance although we were on our way to becoming friends. At that moment, I just needed to tell somebody. It turns out that she was sh***y in other ways, too, but that's a long story.

I'm sure that I wouldn't have been able to handle the criminal justice system although, if I could do it over again, I would press charges on the man in college and my ex.


Bloody hell!!

I'm so sorry. Freaking b***h needs a knock to the head if that's the case.

You've been wronged on so many levels it makes my head spin.


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TwilightPrincess
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08 Nov 2023, 11:00 pm

Thanks. :heart:

I know you've experienced it too - the sort of stuff you look back on and think: "What the actual f**k?" As if things weren't already bad enough.


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IsabellaLinton
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08 Nov 2023, 11:21 pm

Yes, but that's how gaslighters can get their hold too.

People sometimes hear what I experienced and say "WTF?" themselves.
They likely mean well, but it triggers my own "WTF" response.
Then I start questioning my own reality, even though I know it well.

It's brutal.


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TwilightPrincess
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08 Nov 2023, 11:27 pm

I've not told anyone else in person since that woman other than my therapist. I've had no desire to. The woman's reaction was a little different although she scammed people for a living, so I shouldn't be surprised. She was a "psychic."

When I've doubted my experience, it's been a bit different than "WTF." It's hard to explain. I meant "WTF" more as "that's bizarre" or "that's awful." I don't usually use it when I'm questioning if something is true or not although it can be used that way for sure.


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IsabellaLinton
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08 Nov 2023, 11:33 pm

I'm referring mostly to people on WP or other fora. They don't know the full story but when I used to give any details they'd often have a "WTF" response because it's so distasteful. I can't blame them really and they were saying it with sympathy for the most part, but it still made my own "WTF" alarm ring. Then I'd start imagining the story through other people's eyes and realize how absolutely f****d up it was. That's when I start hating or judging myself for letting things go as long as they did. I know better than to get into those thought loops but it's involuntary, and the result of CPTSD guilt / shame defaults.

If people had any idea how much we already blame ourselves for other people's transgressions, they'd be shocked.


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TwilightPrincess
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08 Nov 2023, 11:42 pm

Yeah, I've definitely worried about being invalidated on here, but it's not happened too much, certainly not much by members I respect and not since I thoroughly explained rather than hinted at things. Still, I am pretty sensitive to invalidation and can get triggered if I feel like someone doesn't believe me. Sometimes if someone asks a question a certain way it can feel like they don't believe me even though they were just trying to express interest or something.

At this point, I think that if people believed the grooming situation I think they'll believe me overall. In general, people's support was really healing, especially as someone who was so hurt by invalidation in the past I've not been able to open up to people since.


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IsabellaLinton
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08 Nov 2023, 11:51 pm

I could have written your post. ^

The groomer thing - Wow - I'd forgotten about that momentarily but the hell I went through with invalidation was intense. I'd kept it secret for years because of shame and then finally got the balls to speak up and all hell broke loose. I'm not referring to Cornflake and Walrus, but to my initial 2020 disclosures which included other sites. I was invalidated, shamed, insulted, and even slandered in the process, by people who were extremely ableist and judgmental. I was accused of being in a conspiracy with Prick of all people, even though he likely said that himself to put the focus on Dick instead of himself. He tried to invalidate me and damage my credibility, from what I've since been told, even though I hadn't even reported him. It was so messed up. It had nothing to do with him.

I felt so sick from their mistreatment, I was afraid to talk to Cornflake for another 2.5 years. His support was great, and it was very validating to talk to you and know I wasn't crazy. Then for the most part we've had a lot of support since the Groomer sticky was posted, despite the paranoid pushback we'd expected from certain people. That happened right on cue. As far as I know those people still think I lied about it, or about other things, or that I can't be trusted. I wish they knew the truth, or understood how hard I was trying to do the right thing for everyone including themselves. I was willing to explain things to them but it seems it was too late. I would have done it sooner but I was trying to protect everyone's privacy except my own. Funny how that works.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.


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09 Nov 2023, 12:38 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
^ I hope you're still feeling better. My dreams are mostly like I'm watching a movie, not like the events are happening as they were. I wonder if in a way my dreams are my current way of making sense of things, especially since I was so young with the current stuff I'm dealing with. Maybe that's sort of how the memories are with you. Mine are like that sometimes, too. It seems more common with my adult memories if I was disassociating at the time.

Something new from today: I've known for a long time that hearing distressing stuff on the news is a major trigger for me because I feel helpless to stop it. I'm just now realizing that when people make it crystal clear that they don't give a f**k about the extreme suffering of others it's also a trigger, perhaps because the psychopaths in my life didn't give a f**k about my pain and suffering. There's more to it than that, but I can't really describe it with words right now. Maybe I need to sit on it some more.


Yeah thanks I'm feeling ok. I think that if you're so young when something has happened that you don't understand then you will maybe remember it in a way that makes it easy for you to manage.

There's one thing that I've learnt in this last day or two and that is that we do remember everything that has happened (or I do anyway) but sometimes a memory is so scary that I choose to just not acknowledge it. It's like a memory will present itself and I see it and immediately forget it again. This happens to me all the time until all of a sudden I'll have the memory and I know it's time to acknowledge it.

But if you have dissociated then you might see it as if it's not you.


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TwilightPrincess
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10 Nov 2023, 12:36 pm

babybird wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
^ I hope you're still feeling better. My dreams are mostly like I'm watching a movie, not like the events are happening as they were. I wonder if in a way my dreams are my current way of making sense of things, especially since I was so young with the current stuff I'm dealing with. Maybe that's sort of how the memories are with you. Mine are like that sometimes, too. It seems more common with my adult memories if I was disassociating at the time.

Something new from today: I've known for a long time that hearing distressing stuff on the news is a major trigger for me because I feel helpless to stop it. I'm just now realizing that when people make it crystal clear that they don't give a f**k about the extreme suffering of others it's also a trigger, perhaps because the psychopaths in my life didn't give a f**k about my pain and suffering. There's more to it than that, but I can't really describe it with words right now. Maybe I need to sit on it some more.

There's one thing that I've learnt in this last day or two and that is that we do remember everything that has happened (or I do anyway) but sometimes a memory is so scary that I choose to just not acknowledge it. It's like a memory will present itself and I see it and immediately forget it again. This happens to me all the time until all of a sudden I'll have the memory and I know it's time to acknowledge it.

That happens to me, too. Sometimes I’ll remember something important only to forget it soon after. There’s been times when I’ve remembered that the memory was so important it explained some things overall and was a crucial piece to the puzzle, but then it just disappears again. It’s so weird and hard to explain, but at least I know that others can relate which is validating.


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Jakki
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10 Nov 2023, 8:36 pm

Memories got to been too regular....and surprise triggers of them..just out of nowhere . 8O
After enough PTSD stuff....actually was considering the options of Electro convulsive shock therapy for about two years . Psyche doc thought it could help very possibly .... but by that time in my life only had people around me that appeared to dislike me . Except when I went to my doctors appt.And they were getting paid .. Figured it might not be such a good idea for a person living by herself . 8O :|
But did get much benefit from talk therapy after a number of years . :nerdy: :D


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TwilightPrincess
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11 Nov 2023, 10:32 pm

^ I’m glad that you found talk therapy useful. I think I’d like to try a different form of therapy with a new therapist one of these days.


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11 Nov 2023, 11:58 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

People who say that one should “get over it” or “transcend it” have no clue…no clue at all.


I feel people who dismiss trauma as something you can just get over have never had trauma and are lacking in cognitive empathy.


I think so too.


ESPECIALLY when those that caused the trauma were the perpetrators of said trauma. I’ve been hit with dad’s work belt with the huge brass belt buckle one time too many, then being screamed at for being a crying little p!ssy after the beatdown.


Of course, he was raised the same way by his father, who was definitely an S.O.B.

Mom was no better, although she had the mental, physical, verbal, and emotional scars to prove it.



TwilightPrincess
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12 Nov 2023, 12:14 am

Yeah, I was beat with the belt, too. My dad left welts even though both of my parents claimed that beating kids was okay if it didn’t leave a mark. Looking back, it was kind of like gaslighting. In any event, abusers are often dismissive. Every abuser I’ve dealt with was.

As a disclaimer: I don’t think beating kids is ever okay.


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babybird
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12 Nov 2023, 9:10 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
babybird wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
^ I hope you're still feeling better. My dreams are mostly like I'm watching a movie, not like the events are happening as they were. I wonder if in a way my dreams are my current way of making sense of things, especially since I was so young with the current stuff I'm dealing with. Maybe that's sort of how the memories are with you. Mine are like that sometimes, too. It seems more common with my adult memories if I was disassociating at the time.

Something new from today: I've known for a long time that hearing distressing stuff on the news is a major trigger for me because I feel helpless to stop it. I'm just now realizing that when people make it crystal clear that they don't give a f**k about the extreme suffering of others it's also a trigger, perhaps because the psychopaths in my life didn't give a f**k about my pain and suffering. There's more to it than that, but I can't really describe it with words right now. Maybe I need to sit on it some more.

There's one thing that I've learnt in this last day or two and that is that we do remember everything that has happened (or I do anyway) but sometimes a memory is so scary that I choose to just not acknowledge it. It's like a memory will present itself and I see it and immediately forget it again. This happens to me all the time until all of a sudden I'll have the memory and I know it's time to acknowledge it.

That happens to me, too. Sometimes I’ll remember something important only to forget it soon after. There’s been times when I’ve remembered that the memory was so important it explained some things overall and was a crucial piece to the puzzle, but then it just disappears again. It’s so weird and hard to explain, but at least I know that others can relate which is validating.


That's why I had to get straight on the phone to my therapist this time that I had a memory because I knew that I would forget it otherwise.


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babybird
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12 Nov 2023, 9:11 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
^ I’m glad that you found talk therapy useful. I think I’d like to try a different form of therapy with a new therapist one of these days.


I hope you can find a therapist that suits your needs.


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