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babybird
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12 Nov 2023, 9:17 am

MuddRM wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:

People who say that one should “get over it” or “transcend it” have no clue…no clue at all.


I feel people who dismiss trauma as something you can just get over have never had trauma and are lacking in cognitive empathy.


I think so too.


ESPECIALLY when those that caused the trauma were the perpetrators of said trauma. I’ve been hit with dad’s work belt with the huge brass belt buckle one time too many, then being screamed at for being a crying little p!ssy after the beatdown.


Of course, he was raised the same way by his father, who was definitely an S.O.B.

Mom was no better, although she had the mental, physical, verbal, and emotional scars to prove it.


I f*****g hate people who do this and think they are excused because it happened to them. My mother was the same. She was absolutely without shame the way she treated us and she will absolutely never be forgiven. If that makes me bitter and twisted till the end of time then so be it, I can live with that.

I told my therapist that when she dies I will go and shít on her grave. I f*****g mean it too. :lol:

I laughed. He didn't because he's not supposed to encourage me.


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colliegrace
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12 Nov 2023, 11:33 am

TW for SA



I learned just this morning that I was sexually assaulted in my sleep multiple times about 10 years ago.

I'm sick to my stomach. I never thought something I was completely oblivious about could affect me so deeply.


I want to tear off my skin.


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babybird
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12 Nov 2023, 11:43 am

Wel don't do that but know you're amongst people who can at least sympathise with you.


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colliegrace
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12 Nov 2023, 11:55 am

I think I'm coming out of crisis mode, for now. All well and good, since I have to be presentable for work today.


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


babybird
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12 Nov 2023, 11:57 am

Well you're very brave


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colliegrace
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12 Nov 2023, 1:07 pm

I'm done crying my eyes out, but I feel like I'm going to have the most awful intrusive thoughts for at least a few days.


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


TwilightPrincess
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12 Nov 2023, 1:09 pm

colliegrace wrote:
TW for SA



I learned just this morning that I was sexually assaulted in my sleep multiple times about 10 years ago.

I'm sick to my stomach. I never thought something I was completely oblivious about could affect me so deeply.


I want to tear off my skin.

That is horrible!! I’m SO sorry.


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babybird
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12 Nov 2023, 1:18 pm

colliegrace wrote:
I'm done crying my eyes out, but I feel like I'm going to have the most awful intrusive thoughts for at least a few days.


Probably but you're strong


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Jakki
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14 Nov 2023, 10:13 am

Belts were common..mainly a Dad thing , mum used a wire coathanger ...And yes even the crying afterwards
was cause for further punishment .....It was maddening . And refused to identify it with any type of Love..
But rather it seemed it was based on ignorance ..Inspite of all other demonstrations of intelligence .
Hard to believe it would have been hand me down behaviour from their parents . If they understood empathy.?? :|


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TwilightPrincess
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14 Nov 2023, 4:15 pm

Yeah, in my family, abuse was passed on from one generation to the next. Us Millennial and Generation Z parents aren’t abusive, though, so that’s something. We have a lot more research at our disposal when it comes to parenting although I’m not sure why people would think that beating their kids is a good thing with or without research. It boggles my mind. My family members who aren’t sociopathic thought that corporal punishment was upheld by scripture, but still…


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IsabellaLinton
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14 Nov 2023, 4:24 pm

My partner learned about egregious childhood abuse when he was young.
It happened to him and his female cousin.
It happened by both of their fathers.
That's why we did our pilgrimage to BC.
We were on a very traumatic fact-finding mission.

I'm still processing a lot of rage from what we discovered.
The posts here about remembering childhood abuse have been triggering.
That's why I'm not posting, or even reading much of it.

I can't deal.

I wish you all well though.

Hugs from me and MR.


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TwilightPrincess
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14 Nov 2023, 8:23 pm

I don’t blame you for needing to take a step back. What you’ve been facing is very fresh and very raw. I’m hoping that you’re both hanging in there. It’s a horrible thing to go through and relive.


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babybird
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19 Nov 2023, 7:52 am

There are some things that are hard to even admit to myself. Things that I don't even fully know how to verbalise but they're still there like formless, wordless thoughts. I just can't pull them together.


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QuantumChemist
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19 Nov 2023, 11:26 am

My father suffered from C-PTSD. He was physically abused by his father when he was young (growing up in the great depression era). That particular grandfather died years before I was born. My dad referred to him as “one mean, angry SOB” that I was very lucky not to meet. At times, he would remember things and break down for a while. I have stories that he told me of the abuse, but I do not want to trigger anyone here. My dad learned how to be a great father to me and my sister by doing the opposite of what his father did to him.

I suffer from it, but not because of my parents. It was caused by prolonged constant bullying by classmates. It is something I cannot escape from no matter how much time passes. If only I could learn to forget.



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19 Nov 2023, 12:06 pm

QuantumChemist wrote:
My father suffered from C-PTSD. He was physically abused by his father when he was young (growing up in the great depression era). That particular grandfather died years before I was born. My dad referred to him as “one mean, angry SOB” that I was very lucky not to meet. At times, he would remember things and break down for a while. I have stories that he told me of the abuse, but I do not want to trigger anyone here. My dad learned how to be a great father to me and my sister by doing the opposite of what his father did to him.

I suffer from it, but not because of my parents. It was caused by prolonged constant bullying by classmates. It is something I cannot escape from no matter how much time passes. If only I could learn to forget.


Have read this type of issue many times ...And although its reality may never go away , a technique by which , I have tried to re- catagorize it It helps me not to get into dwelling on it as much or as long during episodes of memory.. 8O ..and perhaps rather than victim thinking ...might be to use "modern psyche techniques" to help reframe those experiences. Thise peoples lifes had to be pretty shallow and very possibly distrubed in order for
them to feel (( value to themselves))..........
AT THAT AGE was to bully & etc... And you gotta wonder ? what happened to them ? to be drawn to behave as such?
And try to hold onto this thought ,immediately , when your thoughts , head off in that direction .
I believe this method can/ will , allow some level of healing ,if practiced regularily .
.( SELF PITY : disclaimer/ warning)Am seriously sorry ,i had to ever be in such a position to self learn this with minor direction from 10 yrs of pysche stuff Docs..And have some empathy with every posting to this thread!... :nerdy:
Part below is written incase your feeling alittle religious ever , Provided you know the story of this mentioned Book.
"....................................................THINK some OLD BOOK.............................
said it best , when they wrote about some guy name Jesus Christ..? That when he was getting nailed to a Cross
said it best as a supposed quote ? written down 200 years after the fact wrote ""forgive them Father for they know not, What they do ."""" 8O :|


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QuantumChemist
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19 Nov 2023, 2:25 pm

Jakki wrote:
QuantumChemist wrote:
My father suffered from C-PTSD. He was physically abused by his father when he was young (growing up in the great depression era). That particular grandfather died years before I was born. My dad referred to him as “one mean, angry SOB” that I was very lucky not to meet. At times, he would remember things and break down for a while. I have stories that he told me of the abuse, but I do not want to trigger anyone here. My dad learned how to be a great father to me and my sister by doing the opposite of what his father did to him.

I suffer from it, but not because of my parents. It was caused by prolonged constant bullying by classmates. It is something I cannot escape from no matter how much time passes. If only I could learn to forget.


Have read this type of issue many times ...And although its reality may never go away , a technique by which , I have tried to re- catagorize it It helps me not to get into dwelling on it as much or as long during episodes of memory.. 8O ..and perhaps rather than victim thinking ...might be to use "modern psyche techniques" to help reframe those experiences. Thise peoples lifes had to be pretty shallow and very possibly distrubed in order for
them to feel (( value to themselves))..........
AT THAT AGE was to bully & etc... And you gotta wonder ? what happened to them ? to be drawn to behave as such?
And try to hold onto this thought ,immediately , when your thoughts , head off in that direction .
I believe this method can/ will , allow some level of healing ,if practiced regularily .
.( SELF PITY : disclaimer/ warning)Am seriously sorry ,i had to ever be in such a position to self learn this with minor direction from 10 yrs of pysche stuff Docs..And have some empathy with every posting to this thread!... :nerdy:
Part below is written incase your feeling alittle religious ever , Provided you know the story of this mentioned Book.
"....................................................THINK some OLD BOOK.............................
said it best , when they wrote about some guy name Jesus Christ..? That when he was getting nailed to a Cross
said it best as a supposed quote ? written down 200 years after the fact wrote ""forgive them Father for they know not, What they do ."""" 8O :|


Warning: possible trigger ahead




Unfortunately some of the worse physical attacks I received were on church grounds and/or church related events. Church officials knew I was being bullied, yet they looked the other way. They did not want me to be linked to them, as the bullies had more social status. I have forgiven them for what they did, but the pain really never goes away. It is locked in my memories of that place in a particular song. Hell exists for me there, as it always will.

To clarify, I was not sexually molested there. My bullies attempted to do that at school and failed.