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TwilightPrincess
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19 Nov 2023, 5:13 pm

I’m sorry you went through that. In my experience, religion doesn’t make people behave better. They can still be bullies and abusers.

A lot of my complex trauma is tied into religion. One of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done was leave religion and belief in the Bible behind.

Everyone is different and has had different experiences and personal preferences, though.


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TwilightPrincess
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19 Nov 2023, 10:37 pm

babybird wrote:
There are some things that are hard to even admit to myself. Things that I don't even fully know how to verbalise but they're still there like formless, wordless thoughts. I just can't pull them together.

I can relate to this a lot. I feel like it’s gotten better over time, but there are still things that I can’t put into words yet. It’s mostly stuff from when I was really young at this point.


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20 Nov 2023, 2:12 am

Yeah same.


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QuantumChemist
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20 Nov 2023, 9:10 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I’m sorry you went through that. In my experience, religion doesn’t make people behave better. They can still be bullies and abusers.

A lot of my complex trauma is tied into religion. One of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done was leave religion and belief in the Bible behind.

Everyone is different and has had different experiences and personal preferences, though.


Thank you. The abuse has forever altered how I see humanity. I would rather be alone than to have to deal with that stuff again.



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23 Nov 2023, 2:35 pm

It's really weird when you start to remember little things and then you put it all together in a picture.

I remembered today that I was addicted to painkillers when I was about 7 because I used to take my dad's from the side of his bed. I can remember the withdrawal symptoms from it. I was like a heroin addict. I've been having really weird flashbacks where I'm drugged up and I couldn't work out where it was coming from. I get it now. It's a wonder I'm not dead.

This has got to be one of the most crucial things for me to remember because it makes so many other things about my life make sense.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 Nov 2023, 5:54 pm

Wow! That IS a huge deal. It sounds like a very difficult thing to remember although I’m sure remembering will be helpful overall. Do you think you’re remembering so much because you’re ready for it?

I was triggered by something earlier which made me understand a specific episode from a new angle. I’m not sure if that makes sense. Maybe I’ll make a post about it when I’m ready.


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24 Nov 2023, 2:29 am

Yeah that made perfect sense. I have weird flashbacks when I'm watching TV.

Yeah it's because I'm ready to remember it. I think also because I've said so many other things in therapy as well and it's like I'm clearing all the rubble away and that's making other rubble visible.


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Mona Pereth
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24 Nov 2023, 8:10 am

colliegrace wrote:
TW for SA



I learned just this morning that I was sexually assaulted in my sleep multiple times about 10 years ago.

I'm sick to my stomach. I never thought something I was completely oblivious about could affect me so deeply.


I want to tear off my skin.

Yes, that must be an extremely disturbing thing to learn.

If you feel like telling us, how did you learn this? (Answer only if you feel like talking about it.)


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Mona Pereth
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24 Nov 2023, 8:54 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
My partner learned about egregious childhood abuse when he was young.
It happened to him and his female cousin.
It happened by both of their fathers.
That's why we did our pilgrimage to BC.
We were on a very traumatic fact-finding mission.

I'm still processing a lot of rage from what we discovered.

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your partner when he was young.

But I think it's good that you and he went on that fact-finding mission. I think it's important to determine (if possible) whether one's memories of such awful things are true, if there is any cause for doubt.


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TwilightPrincess
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24 Nov 2023, 1:22 pm

It’s helpful to learn additional details to fill in missing pieces of the puzzle because it aids with healing. One might not be grappling with isolated memories, self-doubt, and the wonder of what else might have happened as much if they have access to knowledgeable relatives, court documents, etc.

Some of the internal struggles are a normal part of the grieving process, though, and seem to occur to most individuals no matter how well they remember what happened.

Still, I think that knowledge is empowering.


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24 Nov 2023, 1:46 pm

Yeah and it's making the connection between the pieces. That's the part that I struggle with. Probably because I was so young and things were happening that I didn't understand or even had words for.

Like I didn't know until yesterday that I had been taking an addictive opioid at age about 7. I was just taking my dad's medicine because I liked it for some reason. Maybe I found it knocked me out and that helped when other abuses were happening. So I didn't know I was addicted and then I stopped taking it or maybe it wasn't there for me to take anymore and that made me really sick. I can remember the pain.

What gets me is that nobody helped me so I'm thinking they knew what was happening to me and they didn't call for help because it would look bad on them.

It makes me so f*****g angry because it's like they put their own reputation before my life.

I've treated pot plants better than they treated me. Shame on them.


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TwilightPrincess
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24 Nov 2023, 4:38 pm

I would be angry too. I don’t know how people can be so sh***y.


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25 Nov 2023, 7:00 am

It's making me feel sad that the one person who I banked on not having a hand in my traumatic childhood was most likely the person to have caused the most pain.

It's really sad.


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TwilightPrincess
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25 Nov 2023, 7:49 am

That would be really upsetting.


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25 Nov 2023, 7:55 am

The worst thing is is that this person was like a light for me and now that light's gone off. I can't talk about them anymore and they were the only person in my family that I could talk about and it gave me some kind of self esteem in a way that I could at least talk about my family to people and it made me feel relatable but now I've not even got that.

I'll be ok. I'm just basking in the sadness for a while.


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25 Nov 2023, 9:06 am

I've been basking in sadness lately. Typically, it's much easier for me to feel sad than angry about traumatic experiences, especially when they involve people who should've cared.

On a different note, in a conversation with my abusive ex about toxic people in my life, he said: "You aren't better than them." (His goal was to chip away at any amount of self-esteem I had at the time.)

I said, "Yes. Yes, I am."

I love this memory. :lol:

At any rate, if you can rise above s**t like that, it says a lot.


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