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colliegrace
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10 Jan 2024, 12:05 am

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I feel like the only family members I have ever felt unconditional love from, are my paternal grandparents and my stepdad

I don't doubt that the others have love to give, but it's encased in so many layers of conflict


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RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


IsabellaLinton
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10 Jan 2024, 12:16 am

{{{ hugs }}}

It's good that you know there may have been more love behind the conflict.

I said to my therapist I've never been loved unconditionally.
In fact I've seldom been loved at all.


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Jakki
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10 Jan 2024, 3:02 am

agreed... sounds Lovely , I like the thought behind that sort of therapy myself .
Oddly enough my older MD doc, whom now leads his practice almost entirely as a holistic practice .
And strongly reccomended a prescription for , peaceful feeling music for 20 mins aday .....
Love these types of coincidences .. even if they are just small ones.. :D


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TwilightPrincess
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10 Jan 2024, 8:55 pm

Anchor songs is a really interesting idea. Maybe I'll think about that.


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Jakki
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10 Jan 2024, 9:34 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Anchor songs is a really interesting idea. Maybe I'll think about that.


:D :heart: :thumright: :thumright:


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TwilightPrincess
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11 Jan 2024, 1:07 am

.


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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 11 Jan 2024, 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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11 Jan 2024, 1:40 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
For those who experienced SA, did you ever go through a time period where you hyperanalyzed every situation to see if it "counted?"



Mine all counted and there was no question. Assaults happened when I was seven, and possibly even when I was three. Those definitely count. The others were with a person / persons against my will. It involved coercion, extortion, threats, and violence. I wasn't in a relationship with those people so the lines don't blur at all either legally or in my conscience.

When I was in relationships there wasn't any sex. That in itself was abusive but for different reasons.

What happened to you is reprehensible because he tried to blur that line, and almost succeeded. I'm thankful you got out of that mess alive, and that you understand the ways you were deceived, betrayed, and manipulated by a sociopathic abuser as well as by the cult that tried to brainwash you into compliance.


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TwilightPrincess
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11 Jan 2024, 1:43 am

Mine all counted too.

Quote:
It involved coercion, extortion, threats, and violence.
Yeah, me too.


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Jan 2024, 1:49 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Mine all counted too.
Quote:
It involved coercion, extortion, threats, and violence.
Yeah, me too.



:heart:


Absolutely. Yours all count.


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silverlinings1069
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11 Jan 2024, 8:07 am

I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and many other things. It has been difficult but after 30 years of searching for the correct way to address my trauma, but I finally found nontraditional therapy that works for me. I have just finished A.R.T (Accelerated Resolution Therapy). This type of therapy was great for me because I did not have to talk about my trauma and relive it. I dealt internally (in my mind rather) the way I wanted to and my therapist did not know anything unless I wanted to tell her. This helped me feel in control and I was not retraumatized. I am also going to attend DBT as I was not taught a lot of basic level living coping skills. Since A.R.T, I have been able to see more of myself and my autistic traits. I still have bad days but they are much more manageable. Fortunately, the people around me are very helpful and kind. That has been the most helpful.

I hope you find the resolution you are looking for.



TwilightPrincess
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18 Jan 2024, 10:55 pm

I’m glad you’ve found stuff that works for you. I was hoping that working through everything would provide some degree of resolution for me, but there’s always more. December was brutal and January hasn’t been much better. I think I might need to do a better job with avoiding triggers. I think I need to stay away from the news. Feeling powerless about and triggered by other people’s horror is not doing me or them any good. I also need more support offline from my family. It’s just so hard for me to talk about this stuff. I know my brother would be supportive if he knew anything.


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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 18 Jan 2024, 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

colliegrace
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18 Jan 2024, 11:26 pm

While not formally diagnosed*, I believe my trauma has resulted in BPD (borderline personality) or at least a very severe fear of abandonment.
*probably for the best, as borderline is highly stigmatized to this day, with many health providers and insurance companies refusing to f**k with anyone with such a severe disorder


For the last 4 or so years, I have been on a destructive path with friendships. Wrecking my friendships due to needing too much reassurance, which lead to conflict, which led to deeper fear of being hated, which led to destructive patterns....
One major BPD trait that I don't have is outbursts of anger. If I do have anger, it's self-directed and internalized. Instead of "I hate you, don't leave me", I tend to feel "don't leave me, even if I don't deserve you".


I have been relatively stable for several months, with a small splitting episode about 2 weeks ago. And I think I am finally learning how to confront the toxic behavior I tend toward, and better deal with the extreme emotions I tend to feel.


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ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


TwilightPrincess
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18 Jan 2024, 11:35 pm

It sounds like you’re making a lot of progress. That’s good! Trauma, especially childhood trauma, certainly causes pervasive issues. A lot of my problem is extreme shyness. I’m very withdrawn offline. It’s really hard to talk or relate to people. I’m not sure how much of that is autism and how much of that is PTSD. I have traits of avoidant personality disorder but the psychologist who assessed me thought that the traits were best explained by autism and PTSD.


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Jakki
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20 Jan 2024, 12:41 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
It sounds like you’re making a lot of progress. That’s good! Trauma, especially childhood trauma, certainly causes pervasive issues. A lot of my problem is extreme shyness. I’m very withdrawn offline. It’s really hard to talk or relate to people. I’m not sure how much of that is autism and how much of that is PTSD. I have traits of avoidant personality disorder but the psychologist who assessed me thought that the traits were best explained by autism and PTSD.


Makes me wanna think about what you psychologist said about you ,? being Autism... :| . Or explaining that sort of stuff .....btw had been trying DBT therapy .Thought initially , it was not really worth my time ...for my reality was set in stone. About How I percieve situations things , even when reflecting on them . DBT , helps you allow for other possibilities of interpetation of the situation . Especially in retrospect ! .
( For Instance: picture yourself driving a car and someone cuts you off in traffic , very closely ,nearly hitting your car.
( Obviously ! this person is disrespecting you , [ No Regard]. Its personal , he could of hurt you and others .

( Second instance: DBT interpetation ,might be: Maybe this person, is just not aware of the size of their car, and/ or
They just discovered they have Cancer and just ,really need to be consoled? or..? this.. or that....
And having a supportive interpetation supports the inside of the intellect of your head,( without doing trauma reaction )
And you come away without the anger or raised blood pressure ,or frowns on your face,helping create wrinkles.
{Just my interpetation of ,what I learned , It did not actually hit me ? what I was taught! for months &months later.
Days are less draining. if you can reframe your world to give best outcome for the inside of your longterm brain usuage.. 8) .It applies to many personal situations, i feel . ( But don't Walk around and be a NOOB ) stay outta trouble
================================ IMHO ================================


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TwilightPrincess
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20 Jan 2024, 12:02 pm

Here’s a link to a trauma thread I started in the adult forum for anyone who’s interested in posting:

viewtopic.php?t=418554&p=9434392#p9434392


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TwilightPrincess
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20 Jan 2024, 1:12 pm

Coercive sex is not consensual sex. In my experience, they often start with coercive manipulation before moving on to more obvious forms of SA.

Image


Image


Image


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