My mum is definitely declining this time

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bee33
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24 Jul 2023, 8:51 pm

It does pass fast!

But to be honest for me I wish it was over and done with. Life is too hard. But of course it has its good points too. I'm lucky to have met a really good friend in the past year, which I never expected, and I have my sister and a few other good people. And where I live it's very sunny and pretty and I take a short bike ride almost every day.



KitLily
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25 Jul 2023, 4:54 am

I know what you mean Bee. Many times I have wished my life was over, especially stuck in this unfriendly, lonely village.

You've got us online! We're here for you :heart:

How lovely you met a good friend. I have one good friend in my village, that's something I suppose :)


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bee33
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25 Jul 2023, 2:14 pm

KitLily wrote:
I know what you mean Bee. Many times I have wished my life was over, especially stuck in this unfriendly, lonely village.

You've got us online! We're here for you :heart:

How lovely you met a good friend. I have one good friend in my village, that's something I suppose :)

Thank you. :heart:



KitLily
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02 Aug 2023, 12:14 pm

Well that was interesting!

I phoned my mum out of the blue to check up on her, and she was totally normal! Criticising me, supporting anyone who opposed me. In this case my noisy neighbours- she made excuses for them, blamed me etc. Exactly like she used to be before she got 'dementia.'

I wonder if she's got bored with playing the dotty old lady to get attention and is reverting back to normal. This is why I have never been able to trust her: she is always playing games and manipulating people for fun. She has done this for as long as I can remember.


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KitLily
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15 Aug 2023, 10:59 am

So my mum got a diagnosis of mild Alzheimers from the doctor, but she is refusing to take her medication or go to a day centre :roll: So we'll see how that goes!


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KitLily
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18 Aug 2023, 1:18 pm

Still plodding on here because I have no one else to tell.

So I spoke to my mum who still refuses to believe she has Alzheimers and won't take any medication. She says it's just a natural effect of getting older that her memory is getting worse. I think she is too proud to admit it, I dunno.

We are going down to see her in a week or so. I'm wondering if it's the last time we'll see her tbh! After August we'll all be at work and college without any breaks.

But at least we're making plans to move nearer to her, where I grew up, which is a lovely place.


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KitLily
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19 Aug 2023, 2:24 am

My mum called me to tell me her 90 something boyfriend had died and it was a blessing because he had been ill and unhappy for years. Then a few days later she called to say she couldn't find him in his flat or around the building, and she was concerned about him. I didn't want to worry her so I didn't ask for details.

Then I contacted the manager of her retirement company who confirmed the boyfriend had indeed died and she'd discussed it with my mum. So now every time mum phones I'll have to help her remember this, or just change the subject I suppose.

Luckily I have decades of experience dealing with my mum and her fantasies and delusions.


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KitLily
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19 Aug 2023, 3:17 pm

I can't do this much longer. I think I'm going to stop answering the phone to my mum. If there is a problem someone will contact me.


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KitLily
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29 Aug 2023, 10:31 am

Ugh. Went to see my mum. Her flat was awful, dirty crockery, cutlery everywhere, crumbs, food on the floor etc. So cleaned the floor with the vacuum cleaner, wiped the kitchen surfaces, washed up etc. Mum actually called me a good daughter! Shocking! She never does that. She was happy though, she always is, so that is a relief. She is never sad. But she needs to go into a care home, I don’t know how we are going to organise that.


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KitLily
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01 Oct 2023, 11:52 am

So the saga continues. I haven't heard from any social workers or care staff or solicitors about my mum for 6 weeks now. She sounds very jolly though, she isn't suffering.

What worries me is that she goes for walks, gets lost and then asks strangers for lifts home. I've told her many times not to do this and we've had a good discussion about why it is dangerous etc. But she refuses to listen, she puts forward many arguments why it's fine to do this e.g. she chooses cars with a man and woman in, not lone men. I kind of think, well, she's 85, why not let her do what she wants? There is nothing I can do. Once she gets an idea in her head, she will do it.

One good thing however is: she has always mocked me for being 'boring' i.e. quiet, introverted, predictable, reliable, good at organising stuff. But now she really values having such a reliable and caring daughter who has stuck by her through everything and is now planning to move nearer to her.

I think my #1 sister in law has found this too: her parents didn't like her much when young, they preferred her sister and brother. But as they got older, they realised the other sister and brother, although charming, were pretty selfish and not interested in helping them. But #1 sister has taken great care of them, now she even has her dad living with her.

Life lesson: value the reliable people in life who are always there to help you, not the charmers who disappear when you need help.


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bee33
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01 Oct 2023, 12:10 pm

It's so good of you to be there for your mother. It's not easy being the reliable one!



KitLily
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01 Oct 2023, 12:11 pm

bee33 wrote:
It's so good of you to be there for your mother. It's not easy being the reliable one!


Oh thanks my friend. Yes we are always overlooked, mocked, not valued...until someone is in trouble and turns to us, eh?


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bee33
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01 Oct 2023, 1:15 pm

KitLily wrote:
bee33 wrote:
It's so good of you to be there for your mother. It's not easy being the reliable one!


Oh thanks my friend. Yes we are always overlooked, mocked, not valued...until someone is in trouble and turns to us, eh?

And it's usually the biggest sacrifices that get overlooked, like living in a place I didn't like for nearly 20 years...



KitLily
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01 Oct 2023, 4:39 pm

bee33 wrote:
And it's usually the biggest sacrifices that get overlooked, like living in a place I didn't like for nearly 20 years...


Ha, you and I are the same. I've been here 23 years now, all to keep things stable for my husband and daughter :roll: What we do for other people eh.


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KitLily
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30 Oct 2023, 12:50 pm

Well some good news. The charity who is going to take over the management of my mum's finances told me today that they estimate the paperwork will be done by May/June 2024 and they can get to work. That's a relief that something is working! It's not all falling apart.


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Sailon
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31 Oct 2023, 7:26 pm

KitLily wrote:
That is a load of b0ll0cks! I gave them my landline and mobile number when mum moved in there! Jane said they'd tried my landline lots of times but not been able to get through!

1. I work from home, I'm here 24/7.
2. If you can't reach someone, leave a message! We have an answerphone.
3. If you can't reach someone via phone, send a letter in the post! Really simple to do.
.


Thgat is horrible! I hate dealing with liars, but there is so many of them in this world. It is frustrating.